Anyone with experience relating to/coping with people who have bpd

[Treaty]

I feel like I can’t write very well. And I have some difficulty conveying things as well as I want to. But I just want to
This person I had known moved here and acted like it was his right to try to get in my mind and comment on anything about it. As if my mind was his mind that he had part ownership of it. He loves to tell me how I’m screwed up why I’m screwed up. But constant as if it was his full time job. Just on me constantly. Like a person who wants to get in your head only to tell you everything that’s wrong.

He was angry also because he felt I owed him something. So of course all these wrong with me were somehow his business.

I just wonder what I can do to moderate my feelings toward this person.
He moved to this place and it’s so horrible. It’s a small area and I’ve already had one embarrassing street scene with him. I also never know who he talks about me with. So it just sucks that he moved here.

I meanwhile almost can’t cope with it.

I just feel like his treatment of me was so sucky.

I feel angry. I feel frustrated. I feel triggered by the sight of him because I let myself be subjected to that.

I just wonder what is my way forward. I hate living in the same few block radius.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I just wonder what I can do to moderate my feelings toward this person.

it is almost impossible to moderate your feelings toward him when You are constantly being attacked, gas lit and made to feel so bad all of the time. My daughter has this too and I can tell you they can be truly horrible people when they are not in treatment and with treatment can become really good people. I think this person is highly toxic for you to be around. Their sense of entitlement knows no limits. This is very disordered thinking about you and projected into you. I have a years worth of experience with my own daughter in this past year.

He moved to this place and it’s so horrible. It’s a small area and I’ve already had one embarrassing street scene with him. I also never know who he talks about me with. So it just sucks that he moved here.

Yeah they do this so much and do not care about you at all. They love to make scenes where you are painted as the bad guy and it can really make you feel crazy.

Are you in therapy? I was told by my therapist to do some reasearch on this disorder and have learned so much. Not only does my daughter have this borderline disorder but she is a actively drinking and abusing alcoholice and it has compeletely changed her personality into being a truly horrible person who hates and blames me for so much. She did a social media smear campaign to me at the beginning of last year this time and my life took such a nosedive into the worst kind of living hell.

You are not crazy, not making this up and you are not alone. Also look up narcissistic abuse too. You will begin your education in becoming more aware and in a better postion to go no contact with this very toxic person in your life and I feel for you living so close to them. I imagine that your buttons are constantly being pushed and that you may feel like you are breaking down too. Hang in there and keep on becoming aware and good luck

 

[Justmehere]

Ignore him. Don’t feed a troll. Don’t do it online or offline. Don’t let him get a rise out of you or respond to him or speak to him. If he pursues you, ask him to please leave you alone and walk away. That’s how you take your power back. Hold that kind of boundary.

For the feelings you have, look into the distress tolerance section of DBT manuals or http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/. There are a lot of great tools there.

 

[digger]

@Treaty do you mind clarifying if it's you that has BPD or this other person? It might just help focus responses more as to whether your looking for ways to deal with your own BPD symptoms or someone else's.

 

[Victory]

I hope this isn't a duplicate response. I had a problem sending it in.
Randi Krueger has several books out on BPD, the easiest to read being "Stop Walking On Eggshells." She also has an online support group called "Welcome to Oz" that I've found very validating and supportive (Both my mother AND my daughter have BPD. My T says it runs in families and it certainly does in my family!).
Please do whatever it takes to avoid this person and protect yourself. I take encounters with BPD affected folks very seriously. It was my mother's BPD behavior towards me as a child that led to a lifetime of PTSD for me. I'm 63 years old and still struggling with it.
I realize it's not their fault, but is that detail worth destroying your life over?

 

[Treaty]

it is almost impossible to moderate your feelings toward him when You are constantly being attacked, gas l...

This is 100% how I feel. And I do feel like I’ve become the crazy one.

I’m not d

it is almost impossible to moderate your feelings toward him when You are constantly being attacked, gas l...

I want to thank you from like the bottom of my heart for writing this.

IFor a little while I was actually not in pain and symptoms subsided. Then much to my dismay I started feeling symptomatic again. I keep breaking free only to get pulled back again.

My point in saying that is that this morning I’m okay again. I had a revelation based on some things you said. Which gives me hope that maybe I will get out from under this. That it might be a gradual process built on understandings.

The realization I had this morning is why do I care what this person thinks. If I sit here and picture him in my mind. Do I really care what this person thinks?

I realized even more broadly that people do this to people all the time. They steal the ideas a person has about themselves. And somehow when that happens we want to try to make the other person cough it up. Give us back our idea of ourselves.

We act as if they are god and they have the ability to take away your ideas about yourself and give it back again.

But if you look at them they are sometimes just shit human beings themselves. People that have their own problems. But you’re going to let them tell you about yourself?

f*ck that.

I also think it’s possible to feel robbed of validation. When somebody invalidates you it can create a crazy drive to get it back. Or even make your own mind fight to come to your own defense only to not be able to restore yourself.

I know though that it’s possible that I might get sucked back into trauma symptoms. But I have hope now that I might be able to find the little tricks to help me get out of it again. Until with time and space I’m better. I may not be though. I could get pulled back.

Also yes thanks I’ve been meaning to get a therapist who understands about this type of thing. Yes. Definately. If I already had one I probably wouldn’t be feeling like this because I would have had reinforcement and stuck hard boundaries much earlier.

Anyway your understanding and validation helped me so much. I’ve been in such a not great place. So thank you so much.

 

[Treaty]

@Treaty do you mind clarifying if it's you that has BPD or this other person? It migh...

Other person.

I hope this isn't a duplicate response. I had a problem sending it in.
Randi Krueger has several books...

thank you. Luckily I don’t feel very charitable anymore about my responsibility to this person. I don’t have a lot of caregiver qualities. Which sometimes it turns out isn’t such a bad thing.

I was realizing things today like he used to use his therapist to

@Treaty do you mind clarifying if it's you that has BPD or this other person? It migh...

sorry, OTHER person. I should try to edit thread title

 

[digger]

. I should try to edit thread title

I think the title is fine. I just wasn't sure from your first post if you were looking for thoughts as someone with BPD how to manage your response to a difficult situation, or if you were looking for thoughts on how to manage your response to a difficult situation with someone who has BPD. (If that makes sense?)

Thanks for clarifying :)

 

[Cannottakethis]

Just a note that some of us on here are also diagnosed with bpd and we are not bad, uncaring evil people. This is a terrible stereotype and stigma that pervades all aspects of mental illness, especially when it comes to people who have suffered from trauma. It makes me sad to read all of the negative comments about bpd - I do not gaslight, I have never felt entitled. Those are actually more towards narcicistic personality disorder than bpd. Bpd is actually a horrible thing to live with and I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. And having it along with CPtsd is even worse.
This is supposed to be a safe place free of judgement and I don’t feel good about this right now.

 

[Treaty]

Just a note that some of us on here are also diagnosed with bpd and we are not bad, uncaring evi...

I’m sorry. I just needed help. I asked for help and I got help. And it did help. The first poster also said with that with treatment anyone on that spectrum can be and are wonderful people. The problem is that often people refuse to accept or acknowledge they have a problem. When you don’t know you have a problem you can’t fix it. I think with any problem just awareness is central. Even if you can’t figure out how to fix it if you just have awareness often times that’s enough. At least when you have the awareness you can see where your actions are coming from. And even that alone changes how you relate to them

With this person it’s more issue of lack of willingness to see his own issues than it is BPD.

But I probably spoke in a sloppy way that sounded like generalities. And it is never okay to generalize. And I should always be more careful with that.

I don’t like generalities when the are directed at me either. So I feel like I know how that feels and I need to make it a point to never speak in them. Generalities are always inaccurate.

 

[Treaty]

Ignore him. Don’t feed a troll. Don’t do it online or offline. Don’t let him get a rise out of...

I’ve actually said this feels like online troll interacting in real world. Thank you for the dbt suggestion. Thats a really good reminder of what I have to do. I feel like I’ve given him so much leverage this past two weeks. Acting a fool like this. I’ve just totally spun out and often keep feeling in the weeds with trauma symptoms.

 

[Justmehere]

You are not a fool. It's easy to get sucked in by trolls.... it will get easier to resist them. When I was first learning, it was hard. Now it feels empowering. My father used to say, "never get in a fight with a pig, because you get dirty and the pig likes it." (This is not to call anyone a pig per se, but you get the idea. Stay out of the mud. It only drags you down.)

With PTSD, trolling type of behaviors in others can trigger symptoms. So ignore and walk away. Rise and repeat, again and again, and remember this is the path to taking your power back.