Appointment Cancelled --- Trigger?

[Almost There]

So I was scheduled to see my psychologist on Monday evening. His office confirmed at 9:20 AM that day. At 1:20 PM, the appointment is cancelled because he has to go to a funeral.

My anxiety has been up since it happened. I don't buy the reason for the cancellation - how does someone only find out about a funeral that is occurring on the day that it is happening?

Not judging is something I struggle with and I know I am judging.

I also know that what happened has been triggering because he keeps pointing out how much better I am and how he feels that it won't be long until I am going to be done with dealing with all of these things ... I will make it to the other side.

Part of me feels like he wants to get rid of me ... Totally related to a huge part of my trauma. Another part of me knows that I am improving but I feel this huge sadness about the idea of therapy coming to an end. It is the first time in my life that I have someone I can truly rely on without being judged.

I also know that the goal of therapy is to get to the point where you don't need support. To build support in your life, to rely on (safe) family and friends. But I really like my T and trust him. I don't want to lose this support in my life.

My next appointment is a week and a day away - I am also on the cancellation list - though I doubt there will be one.

I know it would be helpful for me to tell him all of this ... I worry though that he will think I have become too reliant on him and that he will say that I might be better off seeing another T.

Anyone have any experience with this sort of thing?

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Hi LisaMB,

I'm sorry you feel the pain from a cancelled appointment. I know it hurts, and can bring up anxieties. It does get easier.

When you think terribly about yourself, it's easy to assume others want to distance themselves from you, and make excuses to do so, but this is so NOT TRUE! Your T would never do this to you! If you were too much for your T, he would talk with you about it and make arrangements for you to work with someone else. That hasn't happened.

Life, and death, and unavoidable, unforeseen events happen to everyone, all the time. Your T, unfortunately, isn't immune to this.

I think it is a good thing that your T most likely responded to a cry for help from someone who is in deep grief over losing someone. Learning about the loss of/for someone we care about, on the day of a funeral (and most often, afterwards) is very common. None of this has anything to do with you - except for his having to respond to an unexpected event and needing to change your appointment.

Are you important to your T? Of course you are! His office also put you on a cancellation list so he could see you as soon as possible.

Please rest easy about this, and please try to treat yourself, and do some therapeutic, self-nurturing things for you, today.

Your T cares about you! You're not losing him! It's good that you like him so much, that's a great sign of a good therapeutic relationship. It's also ok to tell him about how the cancellation has affected you. It's called an empathic rupture, and it's actually really good in therapy when it comes up. You can discuss it, and he can help you heal a root cause for the pain, fears and insecurity. My Ts always want me to discuss things like this whenever they come up. I always get new insight, healing and our working relationships just keep getting better and better.

I hope this brings you some reassurance and comfort. Hugs, if you accept them:hug:

 

[desiderata310]

I have found out about old dear friend's funerals just a day or two before and had to make last minute decisions to go or not.
Those things do happen and they are tough. I imagine that with a therapist who knows he has clients with abandonment issues it's agonizing.
Telling your therapist EXACTLY how you're doing will help strengthen the relationship. I have a friend that likes to say: nothing good grows in the dark. Don't keep him in the dark.

 

[Almost There]

Thank you deer_in_headlights.... It does help. I hate that I can be so needy. He says he sees improvement but on days like today, I have a hard time acknowledging it.

 

[Almost There]

nothing good grows in the dark. Don't keep him in the dark.

I like this... I need to remember it. Thank you for it and the reply.