Approach In Therapy

[VioletButterfly]

I thought I'd start a new thread because I have some questions regarding the approach in therapy that this current therapist seems to think would be beneficial for me. I thought the session I had yesterday was a good session at the time - the therapist was attentive and engaged (unlike previous visits), with only a couple of personal side stories. She's got some strong,negative opinions that cause me to pause. Anyway, now I'm second-guessing the assignment she gave me as I know myself and how I respond to exploring on-going trauma. I did question it during the appointment, but went away thinking I needed to do things differently this time in therapy, so maybe she had a good idea. She told me that memories couldn't hurt me. Huh? In theory, this might be true. In my world, though, memories can lead to a lot of scary damage. It may just be that I'm over-thinking (I do this a lot) this because I still have an issue with regard to losing myself in therapy, as noted in the earlier thread, but I think this is a bad idea for me right now.

So I'll put it out there for you and would appreciate your thoughts. The assignment is to remember as many bad memories as I can from childhood up until now (that's a lot of time!), write them on a piece of paper and then tear up the paper. The idea being to get the memories on the outside of me. That I am only to skim the top of the traumas. I have so many issues here - one being, how can you "skim" the top of trauma? I see trauma as a very slippery slope with a huge quagmire of gelatinous Pandora's boxes at the bottom waiting to suck me in. I had a therapist in the past who had me write down all of my negative memories and we went through them while she was building her case that I was a), b), c). It was not a good experience - the assignment or the therapy.

Also, I am in need of stabilization and support, coping mechanisms and figuring out how to make myself feel safe, because of what I have going on in real-time. I don't see how this will help me feel stable. I'm afraid it will send me tumbling down the slope instead of helping me to figure out my identity and who I am apart from my mother. Am I making sense here? I went into therapy to stabilize and learn how to cope. I'm being drawn into past trauma again without those skills. I feel like it would be more helpful to focus on gratitude, what I'm doing in real-time to help myself, and possibly bubbles of good memories. I remember the therapist also talking about having several journals, one being about what I'm accomplishing, one being about what I'm doing for my mother, and something else. It was a bit intense and I feel a bit overwhelmed. Help?! VB

 

[Suzetig]

That sounds really difficult especially when you don't have coping skills in place. Is she a trauma specialist?

 

[desiderata310]

The way I "skim" is simply to say "this happened to me"

I'll give an example: I had a very ugly thing happen when I was a kid. It's long, involved several different things and happened repeatedly. I simply gave it a name: the closet.
I don't go into details. I know what it means. I know what's under there but I don't dwell on it (unless I am triggered or we were doing EMDR but that's another matter altogether)

So when I am "skimming" or skirting around something, even mentioning it can give me cause for my hearrate to go up and tears to well but I don't delve into it. Knowing it's there is enough.. or maybe more accurately, too much.. I try to think of it as a box. Now, we've opened that box which means that when things are stressful that box gets knocked open and things are really bad and shit flys everywhere. But usually the box stays closed and occasionally oozes. Keep the box closed and I can stay fairly safe.

Lots of imagry there but maybe helpful?

 

[Jane.l]

You need to be stable to start writing out bad memories and even then writing out ALL your negative experiences seems less than safe.

And memories can't hurt you? Hmm I can see that would make you feel invalidated.

What sort of strong negative opinions does she have?

 

[ihateusernames]

The idea being to get the memories on the outside of me. That I am only to skim the top of the traumas.

Pssh, if only it were as simple as putting them on paper and ripping them up. Hell, I've tried this with non-traumatic thoughts. The kind that don't have the ability to leave me in a catatonic state or a pool of tears. Did nothing for me.

Who knows, though, maybe there will be more to this exercise after you have written the things down??

 

[desiderata310]

I write things out all the time.. I have been known to write out traumas because I needed it to be 'heard' but couldn't say them.

 

[ihateusernames]

I've always been a big writer, too, @desiderata310 . But I've never been able to write something down and then just release it. Now something I have noticed is that writing things down takes away some of their power. I'm totally guessing, but maybe having a concrete story there solidifies things in the past, puts them at the distance they belong at instead of being stuck in them even in the present. Not sure that makes sense, but it seems like a possible reason that happens sometimes.

 

[joeylittle]

I'm totally guessing, but maybe having a concrete story there solidifies things in the past, puts them at the distance they belong at instead of being stuck in them even in the present. Not sure that makes sense, but it seems like a possible reason that happens sometimes.

This is a big part of why exposure therapy works, and why it's a critical part of that process to write down your trauma. It is a document that you go back to often, in that kind of therapy.

Also, I am in need of stabilization and support, coping mechanisms and figuring out how to make myself feel safe, because of what I have going on in real-time. I don't see how this will help me feel stable. I'm afraid it will send me tumbling down the slope instead of helping me to figure out my identity and who I am apart from my mother. Am I making sense here? I went into therapy to stabilize and learn how to cope. I'm being drawn into past trauma again without those skills.

Have you said this to your therapist? Might be worth saying again. I agree with @desiderata310, I can list my traumas and stay pretty neutral if I just use a word or phrase. But I know for sure that just ripping them up would do diddly-squat for me. I think that technique could work for upsetting events, but not big-T Trauma (in my opinion).

 

[Friday]

I'm still trying. I can list out time periods of things I care about (these years, those months, these other years), and individual T-traumas I don't give a rip about but still remember / recognize as T-stuff... But I can't even list out individual T-traumas that are emotionally charged without spiking off the charts... Most of the time. Occasionally I can come at them sideways. Usually when talking to someone else. If I catch myself being able to talk about something? I'll snag it right then & there & add it to the list. Eff chronology. Cause in an hour or a day the blasted thing will be to sharp to touch, again.

<laughing> Last thing in the world I'd do right now, if I could actually complete the durn thing is rip it up! I've literally been trying to list this shit out for months.

If you haven't read this thread, yet... You might find it interesting/ useful.
Link Removed

 

[desiderata310]

@FridayJones HA! I've been doing Cognitive Behavior Therapy and didn't even KNOW it on my own. When shit gets stuck in my head and won't leave me alone, I'll write it out till it gets too triggery and take a break or just stop altogether.

Same thing with a book I'm reading about PTSD. I read it, out loud (because for some reason that alerts me to the trigger faster and it just feels safer.)

If my voice cracks or I get stuck or I stutter..I've hit something and I need to stop and take stock of where I am and look around. Take a breather for a moment. GROUND and see if I can start again. If I do this three times and I can't continue, I simply put the book away.

What I am NOT doing is so much of the evaluation stuff... I need help with that but I kinda think I need to talk to my therapist about all of that and see how we might be able to use that. Writing is my preferred medium.

ok then... This explains a lot for me.

Sorry.. didn't mean to derail the conversation...
as you were....

 

[Sandstone]

I wouldn't go near an exercise like that. It would risk derailing me. I think it would be very hard to stay on the surface if I had to write it down and make it concrete.

If your sense is that you need more stabilisation skills, then I think you should hold out for that.

 

[Born to Run]

Just don't do it if you don't feel comfortable with it, and explain in your next session that what you need is stabilisation.