Army Veteran Caregiver

[NicoleA]

I started dating a veteran who fought in Iraq 10 years ago. He has been diagnosed with ptsd and tbi, he went to therapy and anger management before we met. Before I met him I knew nothing about ptsd. After we started dating I started to read books and articles, anything I could find that could help me understand what he is feeling. His symptoms started showing early, I had already read common symptoms and felt like I was ready when each symptom would pop up I was able to handle it fairly effortlessly! The only symptom that worried me was anger. At first his anger did not bother me much at all, it was never directed towards me. I could calm him down easily. and he always felt extremely guilty after. He is extremely over protective of me and gets jealous if another man even looks at me. Lately his jealousy is causing him to have anger directed at me. I feel like I am walking on eggshells I don't know what will set him off. I have never given him any reason to not trust me, although I know he has abandonment issues and have tried to be understanding. Some of the things he says when he is angry are hurtful and it is getting hard to not take personal. He is hurting me and when I tell him that he is he does not seem to feel guilty like usual. It has been 3 days of non stop fighting now. I don't know what to do or say to bring him out of this anger. This is not my solider that I love so much. He never disrespects me, he would never hurt me. I would greatly appreciate any advice any one can give me. Thank you

 

[Deleted member 541]

PTSD is not an excuse for bad behavior. He is disrespecting you if he's screaming and fighting with you and it's abuse. You need to stop trying to FIX him. He is the only one that can fix himself, and he needs to do the work to get there. Boundaries are needed, and you need some strong ones. The issues he has are HIS issues, and you can't fix them for him, he needs to come to terms with his issues and find a way to deal with them?

I'm not trying to be harsh, just honest.