At The End Of My Tether

[Hiwen]

I have PTSD i get therapy twice a week and although i am not in a relationship at the moment I have a teenage son who lives with me. The problem is he has Asbergers and is violent and abusive a lot of the time, one of the main reasons he doesn't live with his mum any more. Some days I can handle his mood swings but other days like today I can't. There is hardly a day goes past when he isn't verbally or emotionally abusive to me and nearly once a week sometimes more he is physically abusive. When he gets physical I feel trapped because my gut instinct is the fight back, but I don't want to hurt him so mostly I just internalise it all, that fine for so far, but then suddenly you get days like today where it all gets too much, where I want to end everything or more like I just want to walk away, to leave and never come back. I not sure how much more I can take. Like even my kid thinks I am worthless, so what's the point of fighting on. I love him with all my heart or I wouldn't stay, but honestly how much of this am I meant to take.

I have asked for help over and over again, from everyone, social services, police, school, family. No one does anything. They asses him and the situation over and over and talk an talk, but nothing ever gets done to tackle is anger and aggression. I have tried everywhere I know about, no one wants to know. I honestly think they don't care, until the day I snap and end up fighting back or walking and leaving him, then they will throw the book at me instead. Its like if I treated him the way he does me, he would be in care by now, but when its the other way round your supposed to just put up the s**t. My family help a little bit, but he is as bad with them as he is with me and they dont know what to do either.

Dealing with PTSD is bad enough without putting up with abuse everyday as well.

 

[Ofus]

I don't have any answers! I wish k did because that sounds so hard.
Im not any kind of expert but I wonder about hiding your true responses so much from him. I sometimes think we do too much of that and it doesn't really let the other person know the effect of their actions.
Maybe it's different with Aspergers though? I don't know
I hope you are getting support for your own PTSD - it helps to be supported.
I really just wanted to say good on you for hanging in their with your son, as difficult as it is. He will always remember that you did - there's no louder way to say I love you than that!

 

[Hohica]

I'm just wondering if he is in therapy at the moment and if not why you don't take him on a regular basis? I have a friend that has a son with aspergers and he regularly sees a therapist and a psych doc for meds. He is a great kid and manages his anger well now. However, it took the full commitment of his parents to make that happen and find a therapist that could help him. In the beginning he went 3 times a week. It was a commitment of time and energy but the payoff was tremendous. He would have been in jail by now but instead is in college and thriving.
Sometimes you just have to make your own things happen instead of waiting on others to make it happen for you. Reaching out for help is great but you have to remain on a path of seeking help for him regardless of what others do or don't do. Find a therapist, make an appointment, get him some help. Start there... There is a parents of asbergers support group online. Join... Focus your energy on finding help and don't give up. Ask around about asbergers support groups in your area. Seek out a church that has a councilor. Call a therapist in the phone book.
Giving up on this kid isn't an option. He doesn't have anyone else. The poster above made a comment about "good for you for hanging in there with your son". It is our JOB as parents!! I hate comments like that bc they act like giving up should be on the table. It's not. This kids life depends on you. You have got this. This is your priority. Call a therapist today and make an appointment. It's that easy to get started. Go online and look up support groups. Call the national hotline and get information and seek out avenues that empower YOU....don't wait for someone else to fix it or tell you how to fix it. You know how...garner as much information as you can and work at moving forward. I think the reason why you feel powerless and hopeless here is bc you are waiting on others to make the decisions. Take back that power and call a therapist today and get him in. Go to his pediatrician and ask for a psych referral.