At Therapy

[atilla]

Wow, Dutchie, that was a shite load of truth. The nightmares for me have subsided a bit for the last 3 years. Thats how long ive been wih my current wife. I know thats what has made a difference in that aspect of handling the "Beast" thats inside of us all. The past two nights, however, i get to the point of sleep and i hear the distinct thud of 105's in the distance, which after a bit, turns to the thud of a mortar. I wake up in a sweat wih my heart beating out of my chest. This is not as bad as it use to be. I wont go into he details, but these episodes sent me into full combat mode when i awoke. Im not on meds from the va now but when i was, they gave me trazadone, and it helped me sleep, but iwas a zombie during the day. I gave up on the meds after that. It stopped working after awhile, so i started snorting them and chasing it with alcohol. Whew, that was some bad shit. I was done with pharmas after that. I cut my booze off alot and decided to go with canabis. I have made alot of progress since then, hell even i realize i have made progress. I am not promoting the use of weed, but it does help me. And thats what its all about, keeping US alive. We have to do anything and everything we can to get through this and live the lives all of us deserve. We owe that much to our Brothers and Sisters who have bled with us and are no longer here........sorry for the long ramblings of a madman.

 

[Grizzly]

I have made some progress on things in my last session. I am actually looking forward to my next session. I only wish it was sooner. I am finally beginning to understand some things and why I've been the way I've been. And it makes sense. I was 20 when the world seemed to take its shit on me. And I'm 43 now. I guess it wasn't normal behavior.

 

[OldDoorGunner]

Good to hear that Brother....."understand some things and why I've been the way I've been" After having the Beast for 40+ years and not knowing what it was, if sure opened things up for me when I found out what it was. Just so you know, we that deal with the Beast......It's our new normal behavior, we just need to learn how to live with it, keep it on a short leash.

Think of it this way, we are not like normal people, we are more like Super Heroes. One of our members wrote in another post; When some shit comes down, most normal people run away from it! We don't, we run to it. Accept me, I'm to old and busted up to run, so I walk!!! :rolleyes:

Small steps, keep moving forward.....

J R

 

[atilla]

Thanks Jr, for your take on the beast, its given me personaly, a new view on what i have to deal with. Thanks again Brother.

 

[dutchiedelta]

OldDoorGunner pretty much sums it up.
It took time to come to terms with the darker side of my personality. Not that I'm in any way enjoying things but I wouldn't hesitate to do things seen as very unfeminine.
Friend of mine went ballistic when she walked in on me butchering rabbits, as an example.
We never speak about my time in the military cos that is so.... offensive to people's nature.
Only once I snapped when someone bitched about war mongering f*ckers.
Since I didn't serve in the country I live in now the comparison wasn't fair but necessary.
I grabbed them by the arm and hissed: I bled so you can breathe in freedom.

Short leash girl, keep it short.
It's there and hope it never has to come out again. But accepted as part of me.
Saved me a year of therapy that.