Attached To Therapist

[Hinugo]

Anyone else?

Never been an inappropriate moment, we don't use any touch in sessions, T is married happily and I know about the spouse and kids. If there wasn't the "you are my doctor" component we would likely be good friends in the real world, we have many things in common.

And I don't actually want something sexual to happen - I'm maybe just jealous of spouse and their whole life? Or I wish T could be my friend too?

What is happening? Help, please.

 

[Enuj]

Thinking your therapist may be a friend outside of therapy is not a rational thought. Therapy is different then the real world; different expectations, different atmosphere then a friendship would be. You also pay a therapist to help and support you. You don't pay friends.

You may be talking about transference. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transference

It is something you will want to talk about with your therapist. Most therapist should be able to help you through it.

Take care.

 

[Hinugo]

Therapist actually said we would be friends in real life also, if he weren't my doctor. Is that counter-transference? I understand, therapy relationship is not friendship - but are we supposed to talk this out or...

 

[Sumaf]

There is a reason therapists aren't allowed to have outside contact with their patients - it seems that the boundaries of a therapeutic relationship have broken down and unfortunately this means you are liable to be hurt by this - you're already struggling and whether it's counter-transference or not, the line of professional ethics for both of your sake's have been crossed. If you genuinely want to make a friendship or something else out of this, you definitely need to start stop seeing him as your therapist and get a different one, but even still this sounds like something bad just waiting to happen.

 

[Ohol]

And even if you do stop seeing him, there needs to be no contact between the two of you for two whole years before you can be friends. (If you're in the USA, unsure of rules elsewhere )

 

[Huziw]

It is a fantasy relationship, when we have feelings for our T's - it's like the 'perfect' relationship / friendship, because they are there solely for OUR benefit, to hear Us, to understand US. Most of us have transference feelings because it's one of the few times in our lives we have a relationship in which it IS 'all about us'. You don't have to hear his stories, his pain, be there for him; you can imagine he is the perfect listener, and always has the right things to say. But its very time limited (an hour at a time), and with very strong boundaries within it.

You really do need to talk to him about this - explain the feelings you are having and how you feel about him saying 'we could be friends' if he wasn't your T. It's very important you do this. And let go of the 'friendship' fantasy also - his job, first and foremost, is to help treat you, not entertain idea's of friendship in another setting. (And being 'friends' outside this setting it's highly like you would be very disappointed, because it would not be the same as it is now - it would be 'give and take' and not 'all about you' - not meaning to make it sound like you are especially self centered; it's how we all are in therapy ;)