Supporter Attempting To Be A Supporter

[Stuart]

My name is Stuart and I have a friend who I believe has PTSD I joined to get help and advice from people who understand because I have unfortunately proven to not understand. I care a great deal about my friend but feel at times that her past can hold our friendship back. Although I know that I am big part of that. In the end I just want to be a better friend.

It is hard to be a supporter I'm sure but what makes it feel even harder for me is to want to be supportive but not really be allowed to be. I dont talk about things unless she does but she has told me some things she has suffered. I guess when she tells me some of the things that have happened to her it really makes me appriciate her more. I have come to like her quite a bit not so much for whats happened to her but who she is despite the things that have happened to her.

Anyway great to meet all of you and I have come to quickly appriciate a lot of you I have spoken to in chat. I feel like I have a better appriciation of life and what it means to be a human being and just love people. Thank you for that.

 

[Pale Warrior]

Hi Stuart, come and join us in the supporter area.

 

[Tinyflame]

Stuart, I wouldn't automatically necessarily blame yourself if she has lashed out at you, ptsd can be horrible and confusing. :(
I really think that's amazing how 'positive' you are- the kind things you have said, and your perspective. I think that says a lot for you, and I don't really think you've hurt her intentionally (by the sounds of that).

Welcome to you, and good luck. :)

 

[Eleanor]

Hi Stuart, Welcome to the forum!:)

It sounds like you are a really good friend, and she is lucky to have you. Read around, particularly the "sticky" notes at the top of the forums. Anthony's explanation of PTSD is excellent, as is his piece on why "Self diagnosis is not an option." (and why diagnosing others it problematic....)

Wishing your friend peace and healing, and you both a good friendship!

 

[ProudWife99]

Welcome Stuart! Hope you find this forum and the people involved with it as helpful as I have!

 

[sea]

Hey Stuart. Seen you around chat a few. Welcome to the forum area. :geek:

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum! :)

 

[Jen93]

Welcome. :D Aren't you glad you took my advice? ;)

Seriously though, if more of our friends/family were like you, we'd be much better off. I'm so touched by you. :)

The best thing you can do is what you're doing now. Don't push her to talk about her trauma, but have a listening ear if she does want to talk about it. Also, if you notice that she doesn't know where she is, or who you are, don't get offended by it. It's something called "dissociation" and it's a symptom of PTSD. She isn't joking when she asks these questions, and the best thing you can do in that situation is to say calmly "You're at [wherever you're at.] My name is Stuart. We are [What the two of you were just doing]."

If you notice that she is shaking and starting to cry, or closing her eyes really tight as she's shaking, she's probably having a flashback. These are vivid memories of whatever trauma happened. The best thing to do in that situation is speak quietly and say "Everything's okay. You're safe now." And if you think that she won't recoil or anything, simply touch her hand or something so that she has a reminder that someone is there with her.

I applaud you again for joining the forum. :D

 

[sisu]

Great advice Jen93 and Welcome Stuart!! You have a kind heart and your friend is lucky to have you. :)