Avoidance

[Nicolette]

Hey Katherine. Welcome and at least you have taken another step in your journey by coming here and trying to deal with your most difficult aspect. Good on you!

 

[Bin]

Hi Katherine, and welcome.
You are in good company here - nothing you have described is unfamiliar territory for people in our situation, although clearly individual's circumstances vary as much the people themselves do. From what you have written, you seem to be having to deal with several different forms of trauma, and I guess that the sexual trauma is being 'neglected' (Sorry, I couldn't think of a more gentler word) in favour of the other issues. This is probably no bad thing as trying to deal with everything at the same time would be overwhelming and therefore not conducive to recovery.

I wasn't entirely sure what you were getting at re: facebook and suchlike and perhaps one of the moderators could clarify this for you and me both? I am concerned that you are so reluctant to disclose your trauma(s), although of course I understand why. The trauma event is bad enough, but living with it in secrecy makes the damage even worse in those individuals who are unable to recover spontaneously (i.e. via the 'normal' method of gradually diminishing flasbacks etc). We couldn't manage that, because the scale of the trauma overwhelmed our mental resources at the time (hence: the vulnerability of children). Ergo: we need outside help but that won't be forthcoming until it is known to be needed. It's catch 22: our PTSD 'discourages' us from disclosing, but we need to disclose in order to get help to recover. Also: associated with trauma are the thoughts / interpretations we made (sometimes referred to as 'cognitive assumptions') and these are more often than not harmful - for example, placing ourselves at the centre of blame. Hence, the value of cognitive therapy in challenging these assumptions and replacing them with healthy and correct truths.

Having said that, youmust not feel pressured into disclosing before you are ready to. These sites are full of useful bits of information from reliable sources (i.e. clinical / academic literature) and provide good solid empowering stuff.
Hope this helps,
Bin.

 

[cherryblossom]

I wasn't entirely sure what you were getting at re: facebook and suchlike and perhaps one of the moderators could clarify this for you and me both?

The Facebook features do not infringe on any members privacy, as the FaceBook privacy aspects are controlled via your Facebook account and then this forums user profile privacy settings, so no aspect of the integration interferes with those settings. If you go to your profile page, under the account settings, towards the bottom left, is 'Facebook Intergration'. So you choose whether to associate to Facebook, or not.

 

[Bin]

Thanks, CB, I didn't think it would be a problem, but we needed to check from someone who knows.

 

[Nishkaa]

Thanks Cherryblossom for that clarification on the Facebook integration-- I'm kind of 'duh', when it comes to technology, a bit of a phobic ;).

Thank you so much everyone for your supportive messages and understanding. And Nyx and Bin for reflecting and validating that I also do need to pace myself.

The storm has passed and that's good, my body and mind need a break, and it shows things are working better that way. My earlier PTSD experiences, it was daily, and nightly and with very little relief. A flashback or trigger would put me out and take me a week or even month to recover. It's a good sign that I can regain an equalibrium without losing all of my time, days, weeks, months completely to it.

I aim for the day when, a trigger/flashback can be re-diverted or recovered from in a very short period of time. I've experienced this with some of my more familiar flashbacks, that I can stop some of them from "landing on me" and "crushing me" and that's a welcomed sign of recovery, a great and welcomed relief. There has been some progress finally.

I have a little more "PTSD-know-how", though it's still the challenge of integrating it more fully and especially to those less familiar areas that everything in me has been trying to avoid. It feels a lot better now, that I could release some of it safely here.

I am super-grateful for this forum and the other forum here. It's been phenomenally helpful. PTSD help is really hard to get here, on low-income, but I have learnt so much from others here. Survivors are amazing individuals-- all of you are amazing. There's a beauty in the honesty and of genuine hearts. It's a true honour and priviledge.

Namaste :)
~K

 

[sisterinsurvival]

Hi Katherine,

Welcome to the forum. I hope you find help and healing here.

Take care,
sisterinsurvival

 

[WonderingWhy]

Katherine,

You will see over and over that this group is very accepting and supportive. I've let more out here than I had in the last 37 years!!!! I have been a bit overwhelmed lately and have stayed away more than I have been here. Once again all is accepted. We all have to deal at our own pace and many times get thrown back further than expected by our progress and need to recover. That's accepted too. I still sometimes wonder if uncovering and "working through" our traumas is worth it. I assure you I believe it is, no matter how painful. Just go at a pace that is right for you.
Well, welcome and I wish you the best on working through your past. I am sorry for you and all of us, that have a need to heal from our traumas.