OneToughCookie
Silver Member
I'm doing all I can to avoid my life right now. My boyfriend is lying on the ground of our room because he's tired. I hope he stays there forever. I don't want to interact with anyone. I just want to go to sleep. In my DBT skills class, we're learning acceptance. Acceptance of how things are. I accept that things are like this right now, but I sure as f*** don't want to "be here" for them. I want to forget where I am, how much of a waste this day was, who I am, what happened to me, how hopeless and alone I feel, how everything I do feels like a waste of time. I want to forget reality. In the past, these times had been full of suicidal thoughts. I'm trying to find an alternative to both suicidal thoughts and dissociation, but I'm afraid if I faced reality I would face real despair. I don't feel comfortable feeling that feeling around my boyfriend because I'm afraid he'll worry about whether he caused it rather than just speak lovingly to me. I don't feel like talking to him because he's just lying on the floor in a blanket for an hour even though I'm the one who's feeling depressed. I'm feeling abandoned. I know it's not his fault because he's exhausted, but it doesn't feel good. I just want to continue to avoid life, to not let him know how I feel, to go back to my place without having to explain myself or cause a scene, to dissociate by watching a movie until I feel better tomorrow. I don't want to be here right now. I'm not feeling creative and can't think of solutions right now - what should I do?
