Back here

[doe]

I logged into here only to find out i already had an account from 2022! Here again due to a lot of things making life unbearable. I attempted to go to college, went far away due to promising myself "as soon as Im 18 im moving out' when i was 8. I did ! then i failed so badly i got suspended due to grades, i couldnt manage myself alone. I had flashbacks everyday and nightmares every night, so i am back in my parents house, back with the daily trouble of dealing with them, back into the constant emotional torment they provide. im 19 now, my birthday was recently and It just aggravated the pain. I failed myself , Im still here, and nothing has gotten better, but worse actually. Im tired of everything, I just want a nice day, one peaceful night.

 

[Friday]

Im tired of everything, I just want a nice day, one peaceful night.

That’s actually a fantastic place to start.

When I had kids I had to stop winging it (for the most part!) and actually BOOK time away.

Yes, yes, that includes daily stuff like babysitters for work, am evening out, etc., but what was second only to realizing that I didn’t have to nuke my life, walking away from all of it (jobs, homes, lovers, countries) but could take a “vacation” & still have a life to come back to??? Was not waiting until I was a hot mess and then striking off, but planning/booking things regularly, and in advance. It ended up eventually becoming 1 day a week, 1 weekend a month, 1-2 weeks every 3 months.

Very little of that was very expensive (many I even got paid to do!), but the tremendous effect of even 1 day a week I can sleep until I wake up and then do… anything… I want to? Plus all the rest??? Was like taking a shotgun to my Stress Cup to fill it with holes for my stress to drain out of, and my life to be/become sooo much better.

Just one nice day, and one peaceful night… in my experience? Is the PERFECT place to direct energy into creating. Because it frees up so much more energy, than what went into it. And starts building a foundation for even more.

I’m absolutely positive there are people who can build that inside their lives. For me? I had to step “outside” of my life, to be able to achieve it. Until it became so practiced that it became part OF my life.

Helluva lotta trial and error went into finding what “worked”. Totally worth it.