Major spinal surgery is pretty scary stuff. Even if it may solve a lot of your ongoing pain issues. It makes sense to me if that's hit you hard. Know that you'll get through this, even with the difficult feels.
...feeling trapped and unable to get away?And staying at the hospital leaves me panicked for no good reason.
I need to talk to my T about this. It seems we get our emotions mixed up in some way with PTSD and there are emotions we have difficulty reaching.But I just want to sit down and cry. And I don't even know why
Do you need permission? Permission granted. This is a big deal. It's not the end of the world or anything, but it's a big deal. The surgery is. Major surgery is for anyone. But it also pushes some specific buttons for you and you know that. I can't see a thing wrong with taking the time to sit down and cry. Seems totally legit to me.But I just want to sit down and cry.
In your situation, I'd be taking that to "I'm positive I'm terrified." (Probably not useful, but true.)And I feel like I should be more positive.