Back Surgery and needing help

[Sideways]

Major spinal surgery is pretty scary stuff. Even if it may solve a lot of your ongoing pain issues. It makes sense to me if that's hit you hard. Know that you'll get through this, even with the difficult feels.

 

[Freddyt]

And staying at the hospital leaves me panicked for no good reason.

...feeling trapped and unable to get away?

But I just want to sit down and cry. And I don't even know why

I need to talk to my T about this. It seems we get our emotions mixed up in some way with PTSD and there are emotions we have difficulty reaching.

I say if it releases that emotion, do it.....

 

[scout86]

But I just want to sit down and cry.

Do you need permission? Permission granted. This is a big deal. It's not the end of the world or anything, but it's a big deal. The surgery is. Major surgery is for anyone. But it also pushes some specific buttons for you and you know that. I can't see a thing wrong with taking the time to sit down and cry. Seems totally legit to me.

And I feel like I should be more positive.

In your situation, I'd be taking that to "I'm positive I'm terrified." (Probably not useful, but true.)

I've only had one experience with surgery/ being in a hospital. I share a lot of your feelings about it. I was REALLY lucky. I explained about the PTSD and my needle phobia and the whole not trusting people (especially medical people) thing to my surgeon and he got it. Really got it, which is rare, in my experience. His practice has a nurse who handles both scheduling and "everything the patient needs". She also got it and was awesome. It turned out, when it was all said and done, that everyone was on my side. I've never had an experience like that before. It's horrible that that's so rare, but it IS possible. I wish I knew how we could all guarantee that you have a similar experience! I did come to realize that I haven't helped myself much in the past. I figured all of my issues with this stuff were my problem and were inexcusable and I should just suck it up and act like the phobia doesn't exist. You really can't do that. So, resist the temptation to tough things out and TELL people. They really have no other way to know. I hope things go as good for you as they did for me!

 

[Muttly]

Well, after a lot of waiting and appointments and frustrations I finally have surgery scheduled! It will be July 5th. My best friend is coming up for the first week. She will be in my house while am the hospital to take care of my animals. That's a huge relief. And I should only be in the hospital for two days so she should be there for my first days home. That's also a relief. I know I will need more help than that. My T thinks this is a great opportunity for me to learn how to ask and accept help. Sigh.

And... I feel really sort of ... ashamed maybe? Because as much as being in the hospital terrifies me. Having a couple days where I'm just completely taken care of sounds nice. And knowing that my best friend will be there for the rest of that week is a relief. But it feels so wrong to want to be taken care of.

And I know as it gets closer I'm going to freak out about staying at the hospital. My therapist and I have already started to talk about that. And my boyfriend knows.

I do know that it's good news. The surgery is scheduled. I might actually be able to get my life back. There's a lot to celebrate

 

[somerandomguy]

But it feels so wrong to want to be taken care of.

Sounds like something worth exploring. If you were never taken care of by your caregivers as a child, you might not see yourself as worthy of being taken care of. Which, by the way, is totally false. You deserve a break!

 

[scout86]

But it feels so wrong to want to be taken care of.

What @somerandomguy said. You're kind of the caretaker type yourself, aren't you? Some people LIKE taking care of others. It's their job. Could be this will be good practice for a more balanced view of the world.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I'm so happy this is going forward for you. What helped me was to let hospital employees know that I had PTSD, so that they could respond with the correct meds, etc to make it as calm as possible for me. I'm an RN, and was the "touchy feely" nurse on the unit. I loved to take care of people and help them feel safe when they were there. Good luck to you!

 

[Freddyt]

See - you got it all sorted out @Muttly !! Just gotta break it down and take it on one piece at a time....

 

[Muttly]

Well, this morning I decided to make a list of things I need to do prior to surgery and work up a schedule and stuff. (I am a planner). And I did that. And right now the anxiety is on over drive. The list of things I need to do is long but I am ok with it. I have a plan. Then I got to the list of things post-surgery that I will need help with after my friend leaves. And I don't have a plan. And it involves actually asking for help. And... it's not that it's a huge but it is a list and it's things that come up regularly so I will need reoccuring help. And I have some people offer help. But this involves actually asking and needing and I just want to crawl out of my skin. I hate this so much. And I know that's not the right attitude. I'm just having a moment

And some honesty. The pain has been bad lately. And that's wearing me out. And this month is going to be a long haul if the pain stays this bad. And the week before surgery I have to stop all anti-inflammatory meds. And that is going to be so hard. Especially since I plan to still be working. So I won't be able to take narcotics. Not that I really want to do that all week either.

And now I feel like I'm whining. And too needy. Can I fire my brain?

 

[Friday]

So I won't be able to take narcotics.

the anxiety is on over drive.

2 med notes

1 - (You probably already know this, but it’s worth mentioning, in case you’re like me and totally forget this kind of thing until after the fact).

The have narcotics without antiinflammatory additions. Straight up oxycodone & hydrocodone & codeine & similar. They don’t like to prescribe it, because the street value is too high since the other meds don’t have to be washed out, first… but …they will Rx them for people with allergies, or pre-op / post-op

2. Talk with your anesthesiologist in advance, to get a pre-op script of antianxiety meds that mesh well with what they’ll be using. Anesthesiologists are a fun/quirky bunch of docs, and usually just start gushing appreciation at being consulted in advance, 🤩 rather than just having to deal with freaked out patients & miscellaneous cocktails of chemicals swirling around in their blood on the day of the surgery itself.

 

[Freddyt]

And some honesty. The pain has been bad lately. And that's wearing me out. And this month is going to be a long haul if the pain stays this bad. And the week before surgery I have to stop all anti-inflammatory meds. And that is going to be so hard. Especially since I plan to still be working. So I won't be able to take narcotics. Not that I really want to do that all week either.

Plan for what you can to mitigate the pain. Like Friday said, strait up codeine is a choice. I did that right through enucleation surgery with no issues. (well, plan for the diuretic effects if you do. Lots of Fibre or PEG are good choices.)
It will be tough but you are tougher....

 

[scout86]

And I know that's not the right attitude.

It's not the wrong attitude either. It's just the feelings you're having to deal with right now. If I understand correctly, you grew up being taught that you and your needs aren't as important and those of other people. Understandable that this is a big deal. It's also a chance to practice a different approach.

And I have some people offer help.

Be sure you say "Yes!" And possibly start making a list of who is going to help with what, when, right now. Be sure you TELL people who you'll need help with. (I tend to avoid that.....) When I had my hip replaced, I was surprised at the people who showed up. (Generally no one comes here to visit.) I needed help with chores for a couple weeks because I couldn't walk to the barn & back. (It was winter, the footing wasn't great.) People DID show up. I'd set things up in advance so wasn't much that could go wrong. It worked fine. And it was kind of amazing how many people wanted to help out and did.

Especially since I plan to still be working.

I don't know how many choices you have here. By the time I had surgery, I was pretty sore too, but I think back pain is worse than what I was dealing with. My intent was to take the week before surgery off. I figured it would be better if the joint wasn't any more inflamed than it had to be..... And, I had to stop the anti-inflammatories too. But, it was going to be 3 months before I could go back to work. Everyone wanted their horses trimmed before the surgery and a lot of people wanted it done as close to the end as possible..... The last critters I trimmed were the day before surgery. Probably not the best idea. If you CAN, maybe you should slow down to match the pain level. I know not working isn't always an option but you don't have a moral obligation to work through the pain. Really you don't.

o get a pre-op script of antianxiety meds

I've got a HUGE shot phobia. Turns out this is very much an option. (It also turns out that the stuff didn't have much of an anti-anxiety effect on ME, but I think that's unusual.) The anesthesia folks were great. When they found out about my phobia, one of them actually called me before hand to talk through things. He said he wasn't sure he'd be working the day of the surgery (he wasn't, but he stopped by to see me afterwards) but that he'd make sure whoever was working was up to speed. He did, and the other guy was and it all went better than I ever thought possible. This is one more chance for you to practice asking for help. It's a valuable skill and these people not only have chosen to go into a helping profession, they're GETTING PAID to help. They're probably the ideal people to practice with.

This is all a challenge I know but I'm pretty sure you can handle it. We're all pulling for you!