Major spinal surgery is pretty scary stuff. Even if it may solve a lot of your ongoing pain issues. It makes sense to me if that's hit you hard. Know that you'll get through this, even with the difficult feels.
...feeling trapped and unable to get away?And staying at the hospital leaves me panicked for no good reason.
I need to talk to my T about this. It seems we get our emotions mixed up in some way with PTSD and there are emotions we have difficulty reaching.But I just want to sit down and cry. And I don't even know why
Do you need permission? Permission granted. This is a big deal. It's not the end of the world or anything, but it's a big deal. The surgery is. Major surgery is for anyone. But it also pushes some specific buttons for you and you know that. I can't see a thing wrong with taking the time to sit down and cry. Seems totally legit to me.But I just want to sit down and cry.
In your situation, I'd be taking that to "I'm positive I'm terrified." (Probably not useful, but true.)And I feel like I should be more positive.
Sounds like something worth exploring. If you were never taken care of by your caregivers as a child, you might not see yourself as worthy of being taken care of. Which, by the way, is totally false. You deserve a break!But it feels so wrong to want to be taken care of.
What @somerandomguy said. You're kind of the caretaker type yourself, aren't you? Some people LIKE taking care of others. It's their job. Could be this will be good practice for a more balanced view of the world.But it feels so wrong to want to be taken care of.
So I won't be able to take narcotics.
2 med notesthe anxiety is on over drive.
Plan for what you can to mitigate the pain. Like Friday said, strait up codeine is a choice. I did that right through enucleation surgery with no issues. (well, plan for the diuretic effects if you do. Lots of Fibre or PEG are good choices.)And some honesty. The pain has been bad lately. And that's wearing me out. And this month is going to be a long haul if the pain stays this bad. And the week before surgery I have to stop all anti-inflammatory meds. And that is going to be so hard. Especially since I plan to still be working. So I won't be able to take narcotics. Not that I really want to do that all week either.
It's not the wrong attitude either. It's just the feelings you're having to deal with right now. If I understand correctly, you grew up being taught that you and your needs aren't as important and those of other people. Understandable that this is a big deal. It's also a chance to practice a different approach.And I know that's not the right attitude.
Be sure you say "Yes!" And possibly start making a list of who is going to help with what, when, right now. Be sure you TELL people who you'll need help with. (I tend to avoid that.....) When I had my hip replaced, I was surprised at the people who showed up. (Generally no one comes here to visit.) I needed help with chores for a couple weeks because I couldn't walk to the barn & back. (It was winter, the footing wasn't great.) People DID show up. I'd set things up in advance so wasn't much that could go wrong. It worked fine. And it was kind of amazing how many people wanted to help out and did.And I have some people offer help.
I don't know how many choices you have here. By the time I had surgery, I was pretty sore too, but I think back pain is worse than what I was dealing with. My intent was to take the week before surgery off. I figured it would be better if the joint wasn't any more inflamed than it had to be..... And, I had to stop the anti-inflammatories too. But, it was going to be 3 months before I could go back to work. Everyone wanted their horses trimmed before the surgery and a lot of people wanted it done as close to the end as possible..... The last critters I trimmed were the day before surgery. Probably not the best idea. If you CAN, maybe you should slow down to match the pain level. I know not working isn't always an option but you don't have a moral obligation to work through the pain. Really you don't.Especially since I plan to still be working.
I've got a HUGE shot phobia. Turns out this is very much an option. (It also turns out that the stuff didn't have much of an anti-anxiety effect on ME, but I think that's unusual.) The anesthesia folks were great. When they found out about my phobia, one of them actually called me before hand to talk through things. He said he wasn't sure he'd be working the day of the surgery (he wasn't, but he stopped by to see me afterwards) but that he'd make sure whoever was working was up to speed. He did, and the other guy was and it all went better than I ever thought possible. This is one more chance for you to practice asking for help. It's a valuable skill and these people not only have chosen to go into a helping profession, they're GETTING PAID to help. They're probably the ideal people to practice with.o get a pre-op script of antianxiety meds