Backsliding In Therapy?

[CCurry]

Hi Guys,

I wanted to put this out there to get a sufferers perspective.

After a bit of a battle to get my bf to realize he needs therapy, he's finally there and I think on board with wanting it too. He's only had 2 CBT sessions and 3 EFT sessions. In the last CBT session a few days ago a bit of progress was made in that the therapist was able to connect the helplessness he feels with me (not being there physically or emotionally for me) and the helplessness he so often felt on a combat mission. You know the military "Rules of Engagement" principle and so forth.

He was so numb on the phone with me yesterday even suggested that I rethink this whole relationship as I deserve better. Even went on to say what if he never gets better, how long can I hang on when he doesn't even know if he'll even be back to his old self?

He's told me that after Sunday's therapy session he's started cutting himself. Not sure what that means but he did say that he feels there was progress in the session and he's "fighting" that progress.

Our last phone call last night was us basically saying we are both on the same page in that we do not want to leave each other and we'll stick it out and that we love each other. My thought is clearly without meds and therapy the end result can never be good but I can't imagine anybody not getting better if there are taking all the right steps?

Any thoughts from sufferers who've been there would be appreciated!

Thx.
C.

 

[catjudo]

When dealing with trauma issues in therapy, things frequently get worse before they get better.

 

[Pam]

Kinda reminds me of hairball remedy. Apparently the stuff tastes good to a cat and they lick it off their paws while purring, but they still have to puke up the hairball later.

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

In my very first appt with my therapist - she told me that it was going to get ALOT worse before it got better. I had no idea how true that was and how badly it would get until later.

In therapy you are literally pulling out and digging up - everything you have worked so hard to stuff down. You are forced to deal with it and it's painful.

Imagine if you had a box - that you put bad memories/experiences in - because you simply couldn't deal with them at the moment. Well one day, you wake up and that box is sitting on your bed and all the contents are all over the place. Now you have to look at them and deal with them.

I'm glad he's getting help - and yes, unfortunately it's common. I do hope though that he is being honest with his T regarding the cutting etc.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Looking at your trauma is painful. It drags up all sorts of crap that we would rather not deal with. So what we do is start to isolate, get depressed, push people away, sometimes use unhealthy coping skills.

Cutting is one of them. What this means is that he is cutting HIMSELF with either a razor, or knife, or something. he is so numb that he can't feel anything......Period, so he cuts himself to try and release his pain, and emotions. It's a rather bad coping skill, but many do it....

It will take some time, but as long as he is in therapy, and actively working at healing, things will get better, it will just take time. The road will mosst likely get very bumpy for awhile for you......Take care of yourself....

 

[kers]

Recovery from trauma takes time. You will not see marked improvements in a few sessions. It is a cumulative effect. Knowing that may help you settle in for the long haul.

 

[pandora]

He is lucky to have you..

It will get worse before it gets better but he also needs to want to get better and beleive that he truly will. It is hard to fight the battle and fight the process and yourself. I wish you both the best of luck and healing. It has been 5 years for me or so and I just now, finally can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[CCurry]

Hi Everyone,

Rather than thank everyone individually I'm going to send you all a big thank you.

I pretty much knew what everyone was going to say but it sure helps to have it reinforced.

I know he wants to get help, he's been proving it to me and as long as he's willing to put himself through the pain of dragging everything out of his box then I'm willing to stand by him.

Thanks Pandora for saying he's lucky he has me. I've become close now with a few carers and I can say that we all share a common trait -being loving, supportive and being crazy for our sufferers.

C.

 

[Pam]

Here's to hairballs. May they cough them up SOON!

P.S. For those of you who don't know me, I am trying to get re-started on writing a book about taking care of teenagers with behavior problems called "Don't Sit On The Lightening Rod". The lead story is about an unfortunate great horned owl. One of the inside stories is about cats coughing up hairballs. I raised a junenile delinquent (I know, ain't I special) who would go to therapy to talk about inner ugly stuff and then weeks later, cough up the hairball. So I say this with only LOVE in my heart!