Bad Bad Place

[Sammyiam]

@Fadeaway

I care about you

 

[Fadeaway]

Sorry everyone, I will try to update after I see the Dr tomorrow, hoping once I think I am may be confusing physical symptoms with emotional symptoms or the physical is worsening my mental...

I was just about to hit send and he decides to bring up a stressful topic. My anxiety was already high despite taking 3 of my anti-anxiety pills and I was trying to settle down for bed and decides I am avoiding the real world. Yes my cat peed on his stuff way earlier in the day, I thought we passed that. All I want to do is make it through tommow. I wouldn't even do it if my hair wasn't falling out, and my landlord didn't complain that my place was too messy. He just does not understand what it is like to know that I am walking into a situation knowing I mam going to end up severely triggered and having flash back. Anyways I I took a bit extra of my meds tonigth hoing I can sleep and i am feelin git kick in. thanks all I'll upsate tommorow.

 

[Fadeaway]

Help me, he won't take me, I have no care and no money for a cab, and the bus take 4 hours to get there. and my appointment is now but the gave me an extra 15 minutes to get there. What do I do?

 

[Fadeaway]

He is being so cruel he is telling me he is trying to take me, but won't get out of bed, he is saying because I can't sleep I am keeping him awake and so he is too tirered to take me, I haevn't slept since two days ago because i have been so scared of this appointment and he is being mean sayign so many hurtful things like i make his life miserable when I called my therapist to because i was so upset becaus ehe is deleberatly either makeing me so late I won't be seen or not talking me at all, he kept yelling get off of me, I can't get up because she is on me but I was in the hall. at first i was by the bed hoolding the pone so she could hear him but about 4 feet away standing up and he was lying doown and while he was saying thsi i walked in to the hall, and he just kept sayign, she is keeping me from getting up.

why is he doing this to me? I am so sorry I was so scared, i I am so sorryi am so sorry

 

[Deleted member 28740]

@Fadeaway please call a crisis center. They can help with resources and talk. He does not sound like a positive aspect in your life. Do you have to live with him. Sorry for prying with that question. I send hugs but they aren't enough remotely. Turn to a church group that often have resources. Don't have to be a member or convert, just some do give from compassion no questions asked.

 

[Fadeaway]

Feeling better, had the vitamin infusion. Hospital social worker was great so and actually helped my husband and iI work through a couple of things. She walked me through grounding exercises while they doing the i.v. and was really great at bring me back to the present.

 

[hodge]

Whew, what a relief!! Grab that social worker and hang on to her for dear life!

 

[Sammyiam]

That's awesome fadeaway, hopefully it will make you feel better. I am so pleased you have had it done, good on you for being so brave and getting through it.

 

[shimmerz]

@Fadeaway , my thoughts are with you. I hope that you are feeling better. That your SO is more understanding of your needs.

 

[Stickler]

I am so sorry things are so rough right now.
:hug:

 

[Fadeaway]

I really do not feel like I deserve the amount of support that I have received. :hug:

@TreeHugger Yes, but I think it needs a thread of its own. It is very hard not to feel like it is me when it is a repeat pattern in my life.

@hodge My therapist is really amazing but I tend to disagree with her on this one issue. I know it is because she wants me to feel empowered, but sometimes I feel like I need something a little more concreate. Something like "this is the right choice." versus "what do you think think is the right choice." The hospital social worker is not one I can see on a regular basis but she can be there for procedures.

@Changling, He is wonderful in most aspects, however he was fed some very bad information abotu PTSD over a year ago, and he is kind stuck in that thinking now, as well as the fact his profession heavily influences the gap in outr communicative abilities. He is to focused on wether I used a perfect impassive participle instead of a conjugated verb, to focus on what my words actually ment, and I am cluless when it comes to advanced gramaticl terms.

As far as crisis hotlines and churches go, I think I live in the single worst place in the U.S. for that. #1 all hotlines are patched into the same group of people. #2 They are the church here and no, they don't accept outsiders. I am in the .05% of the population that isn't mormon here.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

I really do not feel like I deserve the amount of support that I have received.

Yes you do. Stop that thinking, NOW!:hug:;):hug: