Bad Day

[Teasel]

I've had a really bad day. Have had to put Vaseline under my eyes as the skin is so sore from crying. I have had the feeling that I am being mobbed for years and years. Every time I try to talk about it with my partner he gets angry and basically asks me for proof. I don't have any proof I'm not even saying that I know I am being mobbed. Being dropped by everyone I know happened once as a child. When my grandad was abusing me it happened again after being assaulted as an adult.

Ever since then, the slightest off-Ness from anyone triggers the fear that it is happening again.

I don't know for sure if anything is happening at all. But I feel destroyed on a regular basis and If I try to talk about it with him he gets very angry and asks me Ok then who? What did they do?

I don't know for sure that anything is happening at all.

I'm so tired. Have felt as close to being suicidal today as I ever have - please don't worry I won't do anything. I grew up with a mother who regularly tried and ultimately succeeded - though she had a slow painful death. So I guess I know deeply that attempted suicide can make things much much worse than they already are for the person as well as everyone around them.

It just hurts so much.

 

[Ronin]

I don't know for sure if anything is happening at all.

What can you do to build resilience against it as a type of situations?

Have felt as close to being suicidal today as I ever have

I'm sorry you were that close, but I'm glad you're with us, and prevailed through it.

It just hurts so much.

I know. <sighs>

You're not alone.

You have you.

 

[Tinyflame]

And 'us'. :hug:

((((((((((( @Berlinda ))))))), xox.

 

[Chem Lady]

I'm sorry you struggled so much today with feeling so upset and then feeling the opposite of supported by your partner. Some days are hard.
I'll send you a hug and hopefully send you a moment of a caring companion.

 

[Teasel]

Thanks all, very much appreciated.

I don't know the answer to your question @Cashew I will think on it