Becoming A "Compliant Victim"

[desiderata310]

of course, that it's not supposed to (can't?) happen to me, a man -

Take out the sexes of the individual s and publish it again and we can talk about it? Does anyone really think women don't do this? How about gay etc relationships? What's it mean about that?

@somerandomguy @Mach123
I would agree with both of you that this can and DOES happen in relationships that are not binary and none male perp.

Because the pronouns don’t match does not in any way mean that it your experience is less validated. It means that our writing about it has not caught up.

Keep in mind that this was an older article written in 2009. It likely does warrant some updating and refining. I lived this narrative and there are variables that probably should be added. This is my first time reading this particular article. I found it painful to read as it hit incredibly close to home for me. I’m sure it did for you as well. PSTD doesn’t care a whit about your gender or sexual alignment.

Whatever genders are your truth the narrative remains true.

To borrow a truncated quote from Steven Hawkins:
“It doesn't have to be like this. All we need to do is make sure we keep talking."

 

[ladee]

First time to read this article. My second husband. He saw me a mile away. Sans the sexual sadism, my story was told in this article. I left that period of my life, having no idea who I was anymore, or how to start over. But I did.

But also see parallels of other relationships, friends that did the same thing. Interesting how the 'victim stance' is projected to those intending harm and abuse. Maybe not 'projected', but something sends signals.

 

[lovak]

Thank you for this article. I was in a 'relationship' with a sexual sadist when I was only seventeen. It didn't take long to break me as I was already very vulnerable and waiting to be admitted to hospital. It lasted four months. When I was admitted I was out of reach and no longer of any interest to him.
I'm actually thinking to show this article to my mother, as I can't tell her my personal story. Maybe this will give her an idea if what I went through.

 

[Friday]

@somerandomguy & @Mach123

You might want to read the companion articles here >>>
The Disturbed Mind - Compliant Victims Of The Sexual Sadist
The Criminal Sexual Sadist (Includes Information On Compliant Victims)

Because

All 30 of the sexual sadists in the study were men, and only one was non-white. Fewer than one-half were educated beyond high school. One-half used alcohol or other drugs, and one-third served in the Armed Forces. Forty-three percent were married at the time of the offense.

Source: FBI Journal

It’s not about sexism, or saying that women aren’t / can’t be sexual sadists & men can’t be compliant victims of sexual sadism... the same way that reading a series of articles about a study on combat trauma, in Retired Officer, doesn’t mean that childhood trauma or sexual trauma aren’t real. A specific focus is simply that.

 

[somerandomguy]

@Friday, I already read those articles, but they weren't triggering like this one was.

I suspect that when these articles were written, no one even thought to include women in the sample specifically because it wasn't believed at the time that women could also be sexual sadists.

 

[anthony]

no one even thought to include women in the sample specifically because it wasn't believed at the time that women could also be sexual sadists.

No. More likely because 90% plus of cases is male, than female. Just like jails... look at the stats, the majority of jailed offences is male, not female, and usually for the bad areas, rape, murder, etc.

Incarceration rates by gender

1.32% of males per 100k are incarcerated in the US (2010 stats)

0.13 of females per 100k are incarcerated in the US (2010 stats)

Males and females usually form a majority, one way or the other, depending on the subject.

Usually, the majority group is then studied as the sample size is larger to select from, thus a study can obtain better results for its intended purpose.

 

[somerandomguy]

I freely admit that I dissociated while reading this and probably thought the fact that all the perps in the article were male and the victims in the article were female meant that the authors thought perps could only be men and victims could only be women.

I don't intend to read it again, but if you say that wasn't the case, @anthony and @Friday, then I believe you and I'm sorry I missed the point. This is obviously a trauma thing I need to keep working on.