Being overweight // body shame

[RainbowSearchParty]

I think this is in the right section?

Right: so, how does on emotionally deal with being overweight?

I’ve been making a very large effort to eat right and exercise since January. I’ve made a lot of progress: 11 pounds lost, fat turned into muscle, the ability to exercise harder and longer than before. By all counts I’m doing the right thing. And I’m moving in the right direction, but slowly, which is also healthy. But I’m still overweight. Less so than before. But still. And sometimes I feel okay, stronger, better, healthier. But other times like know all I can see if the fat and how awful I look and I just can’t handle it. I feel so so awful about myself.

And how does one cope? When they know that they are making progress but are still overweight//not what society or the doctors want.

 

[Sideways]

I hated my body for most of my life. Mortal enemy #1.

Spending time noticing (being mindful of) things my body achieves for me, things that my body makes possible, was an important start for me. And what feels good with my body (rubbing in foot cream, walking hiking trails, yoga, for example), and doing those things deliberately and mindfully.

…And I don’t have any of the social media apps on my phone, which I suspect is making my life a lot easier.

It sounds like you’re winning the battle. Fundamentally changing the way you live isn’t an easy thing to do, so if you’ve stuck with this for months? That’s a heroic effort. You and your body achieved that together.

 

[arfie]

i am the 5th of 11 siblings. we are pretty evenly divided between the two weight extremes and both extremes are equally targeted for the body shaming rituals. the one sibling i actually talk to is on the heavy side of the extremes. i am on the underweight side. yes, i wish you had my problem, too. i would happily give it away. it isn't what it appears on the catwalk. physically, the issue is bigger than the cultural stereotypes.

the one sibling i can actually talk to and i believe that understanding the cultural/personal snot knot of body shaming is easier when we observe from a safe social distance while keeping our actions strictly personal. every day is a unique equation.

in short, this skinny minny is equally confused, taking it as it comes.

 

[RainbowSearchParty]

It sounds like you’re winning the battle.

Sometimes and somedays. Other days are just so hard. I think there's just so much wrapped up in this issue: parts that have different ideas about what the body is (teenage parts that can't understand the middle-age body they live in, kid parts that miss being able to curl into the tiniest of tiny balls for comfort), and I also spent most my life being skinny until recently, so even as my most grounded adult self I don't really recognize my body when its overweight.

I deleted all the social media stuff years ago, which helps. But I have an entire closet of my old wardrobe that doesn't really fit anymore and is aspirational -- honestly I can't afford to buy all new clothes, so getting healthier and wearing the old ones is the option. Win-win. But sometimes I just feel so awful staring at all these nice clothes that can't fit me.

Most days I can see progress and feel strength as opposed to thinking about weight loss (really, my aim is fat-loss for health, not a number) but other days it just feels so impossible. Like everything else in my life, I'm just so impatient for results, and it's hard to muddle through the process.

every day is a unique equation.

Yes it is.

 

[Movingforward10]

Can you hold onto all the amazing positives? You're losing weight. You're doing it.

How have you shifted other things that hold shame for you?
Is reclaiming power over yourself going to help? Whose voice is it you're listening to about putting judgement on your body size?

I'm impressed anyways that you have lost weight and are doing this. I need to learn from you.

 

[Freddyt]

But other times like know all I can see if the fat and how awful I look and I just can’t handle it. I feel so so awful about myself.

So - write down the good stuff. weight lost - how much you can exercise, all the good stuff in a little notebook or in a document on your phone.

Make them positive statements. Really positive. Read them. Before you exercise, after you exercise, when you start thinking you are overweight, when you get out of bed, before you go to bed......all the time.

Add to your book that you are doing something about your weight and are working to improve your health - and as you improve you will lose weight....

 

[Renly]

But other times like know all I can see if the fat and how awful I look and I just can’t handle it. I feel so so awful about myself.

Gentle compassion to the parts of yourself carrying the shame. Acknowledging the icky feelings and mindfully and purposefully working on shifting them. It takes a lot of work, but it is possible. I agree that really focusing on the positive changes you have already made is a good step. And knowing that you are not alone in this, even when it feels so lonely.

Sitting with you.