General Beside Myself With This Whole Thing

[Shoka]

Sorry for the following rant but this is how I really feel tonight by the hands of my sufferer
abused, unappreciated, misunderstood, expected to be perfect at all times, abandoned, hurt.

I feel like his emotional punching bag and like I'm not allowed to have any friends, any support system of my own, or any feelings other than complete serenity and understanding at all times.

I feel at times like he wants to take me emotionally hostage with him as he goes through this so he'll have someone to take out his confusion, his anger, his frustration on.

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE and am getting to the point of leaving him which I know will be bad for him. I just want to pick up my life and move away someplace where he can never get in touch with me again.

I'm lost and a little desperate tonight.

 

[cragger65]

You definately need a support system all your own if you are to have any hope of surviving the environment you describe. Does just your partner have PTSD, or do you have symptoms as well? Either way, it's a handful I'm sure.

I can only hope you can connect with some of the other carers on here, they would be in a much better position to advise.

Best of luck with everything,
Dave

 

[patrick]

Shoka,

You are the second carer I've seen here recently who is nearing the end of their rope. Being on the other end of things, I can only imagine how hard it must be. I know I have been impossible to live with at times. It's a tough decision to make, and I hope you can find some support somewhere. And I hope the abuse is only emotional, as bad as that is, and that it isn't physical. Please take care of yourself.

Pat

 

[Tinyflame]

Shoka, I am sorry you are going thru this.

There are some really good threads in the "Carers" section (Go to Forum
-> then Carers), or click on Chat-Carers.

I wish much help for you.
:Hug_emoticon:

 

[Deleted member 541]

In my opinion you need to do what's right for you.....Never mind what it will do to your boyfriend. He sure as hell isn't concerned about you, when he is abusing you....

I would get the hell out, or set some real strong boundaries with him ASAP...If he crosses those, then leave. No one deserves to be abused, either emotionally, physically, or sexually...........You deserve better than that!!!!!!

 

[Tbam]

i have been a male carer for a long time now. If the sufferer wants to shut themself off from the world that's their problem. If they expect you to shut yourself off from the rest of the world then you need to draw the line. Telling you that you can not talk to friends, go out of an evening, talk or be with family is not PTSD. That is domination and controlling behavior. There has to be boundries or it ceases to be a two way relationship. period. If he is threating you or physically harming you then you need to be out of that house/apartment now.

 

[patientsuccess]

Hi Shoka,

I just replied to your earlier post, since it had more details of your general situation. However, I do want to say that I understand wanting to give up and walk out at times, though for me that has not been an option due to the kids and a strong commitment to a marriage that we have been working through for over 15 years.

In your case, if you believe you are truly meant to be together, then hang in there, find the support that you need and don't let go of it, and continue to look for more support, as I described in the other thread. Don't let him keep you from having the support you need.

At the same time, if you do not feel strong enough to go through this very difficult process with him, you may need to take a break from the relationship while he works through the worst of it, and see later if the tie that you have developed is still there after he has worked through it.

 

[Shoka]

Thanks

Thanks to everyone on the forum who responded.
I don't have access to a computer at home, so it was a breath of fresh air to come in this morning and have responses.

When my sufferer takes the inderal, it makes a huge difference, like night and day. HE's new to it and it suppresses the adrenaline, which keeps the combativeness away too.

As for taking care of myself, I realize that I need to put that effort in the front seat. Today we are going to a couples counselor (who specializes in PTSD) to talk about some ground rules and how to best help each other.

I am grateful for the support, insights, comments of everyone.
TBAM who pointed out that some of my BF's behavior is domination and controlling, not PTSD was VERY VERY enlightening. I need to be able to separate stuff that is happening.

There is no physical abuse going on. Only once was I in fear of that happening and I clearly communicated to him that it would be absolutely over if that ever happened and that I would call the police and press charges so I think that's clear.

I aploogize for any editorial mistakes I've made. Being new, I thought I'd read everything and understood it, but my plate is a little full and I realize that my comprehension level is pretty low. I'll re-read.

Blessings to all of you,
Shoka

 

[patrick]

So glad to hear that you're going to see a couples counselor, especially one who specializes in PTSD. The older I get the more important I think it is to do everything possible to make relationships work. I wish you both the best. You seem to be taking some good steps.