Better

[DharmaGirl]

I have been depressed for a few weeks, the bad "into the black" kind. My therapist, who I really liked and clicked with, all of the sudden became an ass. He said stupid things and treated me like crap. I found fault with just about everything he said or did. I then realized I was blaming my therapist for everything and not taking responsibility for my stuff. I had been doing everything he told me to do, but when it didn't produce a miracle cure, I ditched it. That too was his fault. I usually take responsibility for my stuff but, wow, I'm impressed with my denial. When you blame someone else for your shit, you don't get better. I'm so glad I realized what I was doing, and how I contributed to my feelings of hopelessness. I will look at what he wanted me to do again, and try to do it in a balanced way that will eventually become good habits that will keep me out of the black.

 

[piratelady]

There have been times my therapist has suggested I do something to help and it does not go according to plan. I try to discuss it in therapy. Sometimes we have to take a different approach or we find I need to work on something else or some other skill before I can accomplish the original goal. It's not always about just trying again, sometimes there is more work to be done. Just keep moving forward.

 

[maddog]

Good for you for taking control and ownership of your thoughts and reactions Monster, I know how hard it is to do this when the darkness is so huge and enveloping. Have been there many times, and it takes courage to push back against that darkness and say "well, maybe I can do a bit better here..."

I think it's pretty common to use our Ts as emotional punching bags for this sort of stuff. Afterall, they are often the ones pushing us to really challenge and analyse ourselves, and so they're the logical targets when that all feels as though it's gone wrong.

Thankfully any decent T has a pretty thick skin, and any decent therapeutic relationship is stronger for the down times.

Really glad you're feeling better. It reminds us that every valley does have a peak, it's just a matter of holding on until the feelings pass, and they do.

Maddog

 

[DharmaGirl]

Thanks guys, I really feel so much better. I'm working my stuff but reading things on this forum has really helped me turn it around. I get to see how others like me progress, and that is the most important part. Having other people like me share what they are going through lets me see how the journey progresses.

 

[JustBe]

I agree Monster1977, Knowing we're not alone is 1/2 the battle with this isolating disorder. Hang in there!