Big Family Occasions

[Ice_Fire]

Hi all,

Basically, I am travelling to my cousin's place this weekend, as it's her baby daughter's Christening. Pretty much the entire family is going, including my parents (who are the people who abused me). I am so scared about it, yet I'm also angry because I want to go, I want to see the rest of my family and why should their presence stop me going? But...arrgh, I really don't know how I'm going to deal with it.

I refuse to play interpreter for my deaf parents. I.REFUSE. I've told my aunt that I'm not playing that game and she said that she doesn't expect me to. It just seems so much more awkward and complicated than usual because the rest of my family, aunts and uncles etc have recently realised just how abusive my mum and dad were. I don't even get why they've been invited. :(

 

[anthony]

Maybe then set yourself a goal to literally not play interpreter to them, which means you aren't fitting their needs, you are fitting your needs, regardless what they say or do. You really can say NO to people, even parents.

 

[Inspired 2 B Free]

Good for you that you've set boundaries ahead of time and informed your aunt! Now, just stick to them! When you feel tempted to stray...you just might!...it's ok to walk away. Be true to yourself.

The reason your parents are still invited to family functions is because not everyone is as strong as you are to set boundaries. It's hard to change patterns and not everyone will make the decision to do the hard work. Remember...you are stronger than they are. You might not feel strong in the moment, but you are strong!

 

[Jen93]

I refuse to play interpreter for my deaf parents. I. REFUSE. I've told my aunt that I'm not playing that game and she said that she doesn't expect me to. It just seems so much more awkward and complicated than usual because the rest of my family, aunts and uncles etc have recently realised just how abusive my mum and dad were.

Great job for setting boundaries. I know it's hard when you're in the "family trap". We still feel obligation to our parents, even if they hurt us or don't understand us. It's hard, but I'm glad that you've set boundaries. Try to stick to them.

I remember your post when you came to the introduction. You said that you were the "free interpreter" and that the rest of your family aside from your parents is hearing and don't know sign language. Maybe it would be a good time to teach them the manual alphabet and words like "Thank You" "Hello" "How are you" etc. etc. And take it from there. Who knows? The extended family might be interested in learning a new language! ;)

Considering that they're now supportive, I think they'd realize how much this is a necessity for them to be able to communicate with your parents on their own. They need to understand that you aren't always there, you're not always going to be there, and they need to take the initiative if they want to communicate with your parents to learn how to.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Thank you both. Yes, I will set myself the goal to not give in and stick to my boundaries. I'm glad I told my aunt because in the past, as I am the best at BSL out of the hearing member of the family, I've had pressure from other family members as well as my parents to be the interpreter. So...hopefully now that pressure will be lessened.

Thanks for the massive confidence boost Inspired. I don't feel strong at all...but maybe I'm a bit stronger than I think I am? :cautious:

 

[Ice_Fire]

@Jen

I think we posted at the same time! Yes, exactly, I have always been the 'free interpreter'. I think the idea to teach the other members the basics is a great idea, thanks! :tup: