Relationship Big Shock Tonight

[memyboatandi]

good reply, jadebear, my thought exactly

 

[Jawn]

Well my wife was at the house feeding the dogs when I got home tonight. However, she left a few minutes after I got home.....because I was home to take care of the dogs. She said she needed to get to her place to take care of the dogs there and walked out. I hesitated a few seconds and then decided I would go out in the garage and talk to her for a couple of minutes. By the time I got out there she was already flying down the driveway. It almost seemed like she ran away as soon as I got here. Although I know she was running late because she stayed late at work today to make up for the time she was gone to therapy, so I thought maybe she was just in a hurry. I did get upset for a while. About 1.5 hours later she called me and we ended up talking for a about 1/2 hour. She told me she did NOT start EMDR today although she didn't say why and I didn't push. She said they will start next week.

She did tell me how the talk went with her Mom and other things about her day. She also reminded me that we have to go to a planning meeting tomorrow night in preparation for the Oktoberfest festival coming up where we volunteer. So while I was upset for a bit, it turned out OK after we talked on the phone. And I did get to see her for a little while, so it was a good day!

Jawn

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Jawn,

It's my experience that that need to run away has nothing to do with the other person [though their presence- or more accurately the trigger of feelings (eg. shame, mistrust, pressure/ stress/ knowledge) at that time, might]. I think it might be what she heard and thought of at the T that was the real 'reason', going by her reference to the EMDR. But it's a really good sign she called you after, trying to process it vs. 'melting down'. That's what they mean by 'baby steps'.

I hope this makes sense!

It is a good sign is what I mean, Jawn. And to include you in what's going on/ tell you how things went. And to 'plan' for something in the future (Oktoberfest), (because 'tomorrow' is the future, too). -All good. :)

Hugs and prayers to you both.

 

[Jawn]

Thanks Junebug. I know that there will be lots of ups and downs going forward and I just have to deal with it as best I can. I guess I let it get to me because the weekend had went so well and then this.

However, you are right that there were good signs and I need to focus on those, no matter how small they may seem at the time. She already sent me an email this morning and called me "Hon" in it, so I
will keep the smile that put on my face stay there for as long as I can.

I know baby steps, but it's sure hard sometimes to not want to take bigger steps.

Thanks for the hugs and prayers,

Jawn

 

[seedling]

I'm pretty amazed that the both of you have had such positive contact every day even though she decided to move out. This seems wonderful.

I have to tell you that I am happily married to a great guy that I have never thought of leaving. But there have been times that the PTSD poison has been so negative that I've had some pretty black thoughts that came close to questioning everything. And we went through the trauma together and other times I felt that he was the only thing that saved me. I knew that I couldn't be thinking properly when I had those black thoughts, but there they were. I can understand your wife's desire to have space and not hurt you with the unhealthy stuff.

She can reach out for what she needs without exposing you to what she can't handle.

Hang in there, you are both doing a great job.

 

[Jawn]

A good day

Tonight was another positive night for sure. We went to the Oktoberfest planning meeting (separately) and sat together and chatted, and did a bit of wine and brew tasting. When it was over I asked her if she had eaten anything and she said she had a granola bar a couple hours earlier. So I offered to take her to McDonald's (big spender strikes again!) and she said OK. We had a meal and chatted for about 45 minutes before she decided she needed to get going. I walked her to her car and gave her a hug and kissed her on top of the head (yeah, she's definitely shorter than me).......best of all is that she hugged me back. She then said "thanks for dinner 'Hon" before getting in her car and leaving.

We didn't chat about anything too important, but it was light and pleasant. She did get a funny look on her face when I told her I had a "date" for tomorrow night. ;-) It's a gal I went to high school with who is in town for a conference and I haven't seen her in 15+ yrs. So not really a date, but a chance to see someone from my past and have dinner and a nice chat. You know, compare pictures of our kids and grand kids. I did clarify what I meant because I certainly didn't want to upset my wife in any way.

I also saw my T today who was on vacation last week, so we had a lot to cover today. After I told her about the move and how it went over the weekend, going to the fair, etc. she said that she was going to say something she normally wouldn't. She said it sounded like with the space and understanding I was giving to my wife, that is seems she is starting to relax and is possibly starting to reconnect with me a bit. She said to keep focusing on me and to be there for my wife like I have been doing because that support would be very important to her recovery. She told me to smile because what I am doing seems to be helping and to keep it up without pushing. She also complimented me on recognizing when I am pushing too much and backing off.

So it was another good day.

Jawn

 

[Iam]

Yay Jawn! You are a terrific guy! ;o)

 

[Jawn]

Thanks Iam......I do try. ;-)

Do you go to Oktoberfest in Mt. Angel? I will be working in the Winegarten on Friday evening ( Sept. 17th ) as a volunteer server. Not sure which bar I will be at yet.

Jawn

 

[Jawn]

I can understand your wife's desire to have space and not hurt you with the unhealthy stuff.

She can reach out for what she needs without exposing you to what she can't handle.

Thanks seedling. My T said something very similar to this today.

Jawn

 

[Iam]

Hi Jawn,

Every year we say we are going to go and don't. My son's went last year. Maybe this will give me a good reason to head over there! Let me know which wine garden you'll be in. The only thing that might hold me back is if one of my sons has a gig that night. I try to go and support them as much as possible.

 

[Jawn]

Iam,

There is only 1 wine garden (the others are beer and microbrews), but there are 3 bars within the wine garden. 2 are inside the building and the other one is outside under the tent. Last year I was outside, but not sure where they will put me this year.

I hope to see you there.

Jawn

 

[Jawn]

Well the weekend went pretty good. I met an old friend from high school Friday night and stayed out late. On Friday evening my wife brought her dogs from her place to our house because her landlord was going to do some work on Saturday and she didn't want the dogs barking at him. So she came out Saturday evening to pick them up. I was a little disappointed because I made dinner, but she had plans so she didn't stay to eat with me. So to console myself I later went to a movie and ran into some friends and had a great time.

My wife wanted me to go to "Saturday" Market in Portland with her today and we spent several hours there looking at stuff vendors had for sale and sampling the food. It was a good time and several times she made comments about "our" house and many "we" references. I did not comment on those, but smiled inside when I heard them. I also didn't let it bug me when she called her place "home" at one point. When I dropped her off at her car (after a brief stop to get ice cream and to go to Walmart) she gave me a hug and told me to drive safe. Our route out of there was the same for several blocks and she was driving way slower than me and when I got to a stop sign she stopped about 3 car lengths back which I thought was odd. Without trying to be obvious I was watching in the mirror and it appeared that she wiped her eyes a couple of times. Maybe tears? or maybe a coincidence. I didn't try to read too much into it. Rather I just focused on the fact we spent another nice day together.

I did learn a lesson today. When you get up on a roof with a metal roof first thing in the morning, the dew makes it very slippery and falling comes quite easy too! I kinda tweaked my back a little, but nothing too serious. Note to self......stay off wet metal roofs! ;-)

Jawn