Relationship Big Shock Tonight

[bluecat]

She wanted to know if I had figured out what "we" were getting or if I had even thought about it. I liked the "we" part because she emphasized that word.

Hi Jawn,

that sounds hopeful. It seems like your wife still thinks of the two of you as a couple. Maybe she just needs some space to formulate what bothered her. Maybe you guys slipped into a way of acting in the relationship that she wasn't happy with but didn't know how to address. Its great that you're still seeing each other every day. This way you can enjoy each others company without stepping on each other's toes. I think she'll initiate the conversation about what drove her to step out sooner or later and maybe it has nothing to do with you. Have hope and patience, it seems to be working!

Good luck with the car shopping too : )

Bluecat

 

[James B.]

Glad you found some good candidates for the replacement vehicle. It's hard being without regular wheels. The civic I drive is the first vehicle I ever bought with over 100k on the odometer. It's been great, helps save me at the pump (32.16mpg w/ an automatic) and on insurance. Once again, good luck on the car, and with everything else Jawn. :-)

 

[Jawn]

James, I was driving a Civic that had about 119k miles on it. I have looked at some Civics, but I think I want something a little bit bigger this time because the Civic was always a bit small for me.

Bluecat, I think you are right that she still thinks of us as a couple. Her sister thinks she moved out because she was told that digging into figuring out what her trauma is (suppressed memory) might cause her to go back to the mean nasty person she was about a year ago. My SIL said my wife is trying to protect me from that. Plus I think she really was thinking that her feelings were gone since she couldn't get to them all the time. She told me more than once I should move on and get a life to where I could be happy. I think since she moved out and got some stress off her plate that she is feeling a little more for me and maybe we are reconnecting a little bit.

I know I need to stay patient and let her work through her therapy so that she can get to a point to where she would want to come back home.

I saw her tonight because we needed to sign some paperwork for the insurance company. She didn't say a word about the pictures, but I'm sure she saw them. Overall she was in a good mood tonight and I got a hug too. Maybe she will say something about the pictures in a few days. Anyway, the paperwork is signed and will get FedEx'd back to the insurance company tomorrow. Hopefully Wednesday or Thursday we will get the check and I can start looking for a car more seriously.

Jawn

 

[ISupportHer]

Jawn, I hope that my asking this question does not come across wrong but I have wondered if you feel there is some end point you feel that would be the point of no return. What I mean is that probably many of us at least feel at some point, that "I can't take this anymore" pull. Not sure if you ever read the book "Depression Fallout" I had posted about months ago. It kind of talks about that "phase".

You don't have to answer but I have at some times felt that way. I see that there is many positive things happening in what you post. Don't get me wrong. Just that I have some awareness for me that I can only do so much. There certainly is the "till death do you part" aspect, the "I wouldn't leave her if this was cancer" argument. But I feel I have to keep my OWN identity too.

ISH

 

[Jawn]

ISH,

I agree that we need to keep our own identities too. My wife told me a couple of weeks ago that I needed to figure out how long I would wait because she doesn't know how long it will take for her to get "better". I wrote my answer to that statement in a card that she probably hasn't opened yet. I said I would wait and support her until she is better. No definitive time line. About a year ago she was becoming a very angry negative nasty person, not just with me, but at work, with her family, etc. I was about to the end of my rope when her sister finally convinced her to go to the doctor. He put her on med's and the nasty person is gone. She's better, but not back to herself, but that gave me hope then. Once she started therapy and expressed a desire to get better, that gave me even more hope. Yes, her moving out kinda took the wind out of my sails for a while, but I think there are enough positive signs from her that my hope is still alive.

My accident gave me a chance, and her too, to see her true feelings for me. Knowing that those feelings are still in there makes me want to wait and be patient, and let therapy take its course. Of course if we are still in the same place 2 yrs from now, I may think differently. I am a fairly patient person by nature and I intend to hang in there until she gets to a point to where she can think more clearly and hopefully get in touch with her feelings for me, her friends, and family again.

Thanks for asking ISH and the question didn't bother me at all.

Jawn

 

[Jawn]

I'm not sure why, but tonight was tough for me. I came home early to take advantage of the nice day and mow the lawn. I talked to my wife from work this afternoon and told her I was going home early. She said she would still come out and take care of the dogs since I would be busy with the lawn. She showed up while I was mowing and took care of the dogs. I finished about the time she was leaving, so I only talked to her for a couple of minutes. She was pleasant and everything went pretty good. But when she left it hit me harder than normal. Not sure why today was tougher on me than others, but it was.

Well I guess on the positive side I did get to see her today. :smile:

Jawn

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi Jawn,

It might be because you felt tired, or hoped to spend time together (or had another hope or expectation) and it didn't occur. Or even a cold or flu you don't know you have yet (hopefully not!)

No worries that's normal.

Funny, ptsd is actually a lot like that, always watching and wondering why some days- even minutes/ hours- can feel like that out of the blue, so you can understand a bit how she might feel.

 

[Jawn]

I called my wife this morning when I got to work and she answered the phone with "Hi" then quickly followed with "What's wrong? Are you OK?". I had to laugh, but it was about the same time I called her the morning of the accident, so I could see where it might freak her out a bit. It was nice (in a odd sort of way) to hear real concern in her voice though.

She told me from now on I need to wait an hour or so after I get to work before I call her.

Jawn

 

[Jawn]

It was a pretty good weekend. I passed my wife Friday evening about 1/2 mile from our driveway. I didn't realize it was her in the dark until I turned into the driveway and the gate was closing. I called her later and she didn't realize it was me either. She said "I had to step on it because those cars behind me came up so quick after I pulled out of our driveway." I like the "our" part of what she said. :smile:

I called her about 4pm on Saturday to ask if she wanted to go out to dinner and she said "no thanks, I'll pass". Then she said "You could pick me up after work tomorrow and take me to lunch. Then we can go look at cars for a couple of hours." So that's what we did today. We looked at several cars and test drove 2. One looks real promising, but we still haven't gotten the check from insurance yet, so it has to wait a few more days.

Jawn

 

[Jawn]

Woo Hoo! The check arrived today! Now I can car shop "for real"! :thumbs-up

Yesterday was my last session with my T. I was seeing her through my employee assistance program and they only give you a certain number of visits. She does not take my insurance, so I either need to find a T that does or pay full price! Sigh.... So I guess I have to go T shopping too! :wink:

Jawn

 

[Iam]

WHOOT!!!! Yay Jawn!

 

[amethist]

Stunning Jawn, car shopping for real, better than window shopping any day.