Big Thud After Each Therapy Session

[blackdove]

HI,

Re: therapy which is once or twice a week for me at the moment, I find that regardless of how the session goes, I tend to fall really low afterwards. Not sure if it's lonliness, abandonment and/or worry that it will be so many days and struggles before I get back to see her again.

Is this familiar to anyone?

Because I seem to take such a big emotional hit from the end of the sessions, I am constantly saying things like "well, I think we are probably finished therapy now and I can take things on my own from here" etc. Of course, she sees this for what it is and I feel 10 times worse when I try to back out of the therapy for this reason. Is a constant struggle to stay in and a constant struggle from one session to the next.:crazy:

 

[Deleted member 541]

HI Blackdove,

When you can walk out of therapy with a smile on your face, and feeling good, then you will know it's time to end the therapy sessions.

Therapy is hard, it opens wounds, that we would rather not open. It brings up emotions that are still raw, and evokes a lot of anxiety.....

So to answer your question...Yes!!!! I am sure that most of us have felt the same way......Keep up with the courage that you have and keep going to therapy... I really does help, even though it hurts like hell!!!!!

 

[heather q]

One of my coping methods is to go shopping, I wanted the therapy sessions to stop me from shopping, instead it increased my shopping because I was always in worse shape when I came out of the session. So I ended up with more junk that I didn't want, I was using shopping as an escape from my pain it was the only way at the time that I could get out of my misery and 'not think,' the unfortunate thing was that in numbing myself out with shopping I found eventually, that it has made many matters worse.

Now I am learning to sit with my pain, I carry a debit card with less than $200 on it, so if I want food and gas that's ok but any more than that the card wont take it. This helps prevent the numbing session which I can always justify if I 'need' to. I've been doing the numbing thing for so long that clearly it is time to quit and work on what is going on in my mind, no matter how threatening it feels.

A therapist had once said "It's too bad you can't burn the whole house down." That made it even worse and eventually I stopped going to him, he thought he was funny, I didn't, I don't seem to have a sense of humour around my mental health, it gave me more insecurities and more guilt about what I was doing. I'd gone to him for help, apparently he didn't know how things are connected.

I've finally got a good therapist who is beginning to understand how I function, it's taken a long time and I don't think my difficulties have been easy for him, I've told him a couple of times that I don't want to be there any more, but that's usually just before I've taken a big growth leap. I've had some pretty bad therapists as well, one needed therapy more than I did, so I listened to her, she said she wouldn't charge me but she did. Another threatened with hospilization if I quit, so I was too scared to quit and she had me under her control, while she played tennis with my then, husband, another fell asleep and I had to tell her my time was up, I can joke about that now, some therapists aren't so good, if you have a good one it's worth sticking it out to get through it, if you can.

I am understanding at times, why my life has been so difficult, none of the other therapists had a clue about where I was coming from, the therapy was very superficial. This time I am getting what I need, even though there are times when it's overwhelming and just too much to deal with, oddly enough though just this week I was thinking I'll drop back to one time a week, my excuse is that it's taking up too much of my vacation time, and yet I am finding it's worth it right now, so I also think I have a need not to be in therapy, as if being in therapy is proof that I'm not ok. So much of my thinking is good and at the same time there is a parallel line that undoes that good thinking process, it has to do with PTSD and keeps the motion going, this is what I learned on Friday, now I have to separate and sort it out, I hope I will learn that next.

Heather

 

[Cate]

PTSD and Therapy

Hi Blackdove.

I see a PTSD specialist one-a-week and it's hard. I've moved beyond the 'dread' whenever I have to see him and I'm now at a point where I almost look forward to going.

I think the key with him is that he suffered from PTSD as well and he completely understands how I feel.

I also have the shutdown of emotions after I see him but it seems to be getting better the more I go into see him. It's only been a couple of months but at least he's a doctor who understands what I'm gong through.

If you've found someone you trust then keep going...I think it will only help in the long run.

Cate

 

[Big Shirley]

Ok...counseling is extremely hard work. I have been in therapy on and off for 15 years. If you find someone you can work with then stick with it...your counselor is supposed to make you wiggle in your seat. It is their job to expose all the feelings you have tucked away for so long. I have wanted to quit so many times but if you keep at it the rewards pay off in the long run. Stick with it, I understand.

 

[blackdove]

Thanks for that. Yes it is hard work going. I'm not sure what bothers me more either being scared to go or worrying that I want to go -- it's that rapport that freaks me out. A person whom I'm attached to who is not my friend. It's freaky I think. Scary. Have tried to stop several times but she doesn't take me seriously and neither do I - I think it's panic. Today it is definately panic as I have made some rotten, spontanoues bad decisions already and it's only midday here.

Anyone else have problems with spontaneous bad decisions?

My thoughts are racing off the charts - no calmness in sight I'm afraid.

 

[Big Shirley]

Yes I can be quite impulsive at times which can get me into trouble. I also deal with aggression a lot too...I think it goes with having ptsd. My thoughts race too. I always find relief from drawing or writing...get it out. It helps, even if you throw it away. I have also found that when I write or draw something I can always bring it to my next session and it relieves the anxiety of what will we be talking about that week. Hope this helps.

I find it comforting that my counselor is not my peer. It relaxes me and lets me talk about things that I know won't affect my relationship with her...take advantage of that. Your counselor probably does care for you and your well being...just in a different way. I struggled with that at first but now I enjoy having a separate life from her and don't have the anxiety of keeping up with another friendship.

 

[Auburngirl]

It took me ages to even be able to eat the day I saw my therapist. I had an upset stomach and diarrhoea every time. And it would usually take me two days to recover- which when you are going weekly is a lot of time.

I can now eat, am usually still a bit nervous when I go, but now more often than not leave feeling better. I do look forward to going now (before it was more like dread, and with the first person I saw I started having regular panic attacks in the waiting room I was so scared) because I find it is inevitably helpful. Right now I'd say it's mostly supportive. I think I'm getting close to the end - which scares me, but I am mostly doing a lot better.

 

[blackdove]

Thanks Auburngirl! I would be scared too if therapy was ending soon but I am at the beginning and still getting to know my therapist so will be a while yet. I am at the diarhhea and stomach pains and sweat stage for sure.

How long have you been with your therapist if you don't mind me asking?

Just trying to get an idea of how long I might be in. Obvioulsy everyone is different though.

 

[anthony]

If you fall down after therapy, it means its doing something for you and you are doing something within it. That is a good thing. You are not meant to be all warm and fuzzy after therapy.

 

[Cate]

Warm and Fuzzy After Therapy??

It's good to know I don't have to feel warm and fuzzy after therapy because I absolutely don't!

I usually feel like I'm slipping into the abyss, again, and I can barely keep an intelligent thought in my head. I don't even want to mention the times I find myself standing in the same spot and not moving...just standing there, randomly. Good grief.

Cate :wall:

 

[blackdove]

That's a real revalation to me. I had no idea that feeling low after therapy was a positive thing. I can see though that when I am in the session, I am starting to hand over my "inner vigilance" to the therapist. So I let my guard down a bit and then she goes inside and moves bits and pieces around -- it's psychotherapy with NLP so I have noticed there are "refuges" and "blocks" in my head that weren't there before I went to see her. Now, when I start heading towards self-harm or similar, I bump into things and images that the therapist has inserted to as stoppers in my head. But when I leave the sessions, it feels lonely and like a whole huge responsibility for me to take on my own for another 6 days before I get back to her. It's scary being so alone sometimes even if there are other people around.

Does that make sense to anyone?