Biting Her Head Off

[Charon]

Ended up yelling at my girlfriend again.

Minutes ago we were sitting around watching Sunday night programming together and I had baked some cookies. While eating one I kinda started choking a bit, like it went down the wrong pipe or something, and after I manage to get myself under control, she says, "Almost choked on a cookie didn't ya?"

What the hell kind of a response is that?! I want a "hey are you okay?" or "take a sip of water", but she said it in this smart aleck way, as if I were wolfing them down (I wasn't) and got what was coming to me. So I yelled at her I guess, I said something like, "you know if you were choking I wouldn't say something smart to you". She then goes on to tell me that I yell at her at least once a day, which is bs.

Last night while out at a bar with her, feeling anxious and depressed and thinking about Iraq, she casually leans over and kills this gnat that was on my bar napkin. I felt like sobbing. I know its stupid, but the gnat wasn't doing anything, wasn't bothering me or her or anything, it was just sitting there. I know its hypocritical, I just think that if something is going to be killed, there should be a good reason behind it (like hunting for food or shooting a rapist). God it depressed me. I couldn't help but flip out and say, "what the hell?!"

She told me that I yell at her all the time, and that I always make her feel sad when she is at her happiest. Maybe I do, hell if I know.

I'm just getting really sick of this. I'd rather be alone than deal with this.

 

[Steph_F]

Maybe its time to seek couples therapy. Sounds like she is lighting your short fuse quite a bit lately. My guy blows up at me just like that sometimes and as much as it sucks for me, I later see him struggling to try to apologize enough and it makes him feel guilty and that damages his self-esteem and that hurts me so much, especially since there are things we can try to avoid those blow-ups.

No one likes to feel guilty, other Vets on here say that looking back at some of things they did to their loved ones in the past haunt them and will always haunt them. I hope you figure something out so that isn't your fate as well. You don't deserve that.

 

[Lindsey]

Lately its been pointed out to me that I yell at my girlfriend sometimes. She moved in about two months ago and its been quite an adjustment, especially since she's the first girlfriend I've ever lived with. While driving myself, her and my sister down to a family event, my sister later told me that I was yelling at my girl sometimes in the car. I didn't even really notice it, I remember getting pissed off about something, but I guess I'm just oblivious when I'm being a prick.

Earlier tonight I came home and went to sit down on the couch with my girl to watch this House Hunters show she likes. She wanted me to watch it with her, but then the cat jumped up on my leg and she started petting it a little too affectionately and the damn thing lost its balance and scratched the hell out of my leg.

And so I guess I yelled at her. I was pissed and basically ruined the evening. She told me she was going to bed and after I yelled at the cat, scaring the poor thing, I went into the bedroom to apologize and she told me, "You yell at me when the cat scratches you, you yell at me when the cat scratches me".

There have been other instances where I've yelled at her. I have pretty strong obsessive compulsive tendencies and by god does it piss me off when she does something, like throwing away something that she thinks is empty or doing my laundry (she's messed up two of my shirts, ruined one of my favorite sweaters) and she says she "never knows what to do around me" and that "she can't win".

I don't know. My therapist has told me that I need to express myself more calmly rather than bottling things up, but I'm not doing a very good job at it. Admittedly I've been isolating myself from her at times, going out for runs, long bike rides or wrestling practice.

This is all stuff I'm just starting to notice, especially since she and other people have said things. I feel like such a bastard. To make things worse when I'm not yelling at her and things are okay, her libido is ten times mine and all I want to do is to be left alone or just to fall asleep so I can quit being conscious for a while. Of course she takes this personally and does all she can to lay a huge guilt trip on me. It's just easier being alone sometimes. :(

I don't know how to fix these things. I guess just keep on going to therapy, take my meds and try to think before I open my mouth. :unsure: