Blame-ridden Depression Homily Is Triggering My Lack Of Internal Validation

[dharmaBum]

"If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present."

I was diagnosed with PTSD for the 3rd time 3 years ago and depression about 9 months later. For the whole three years I've been in treatment but also part of an ongoing criminal court process (as a witness and prior victim) that is continually triggering and traumatic in its own right. You can look up my posts by my username if you want to find out more about me. The constellation of complex-PTSD fits and lately the parts about trouble regulating affect and inaccurate self-perception are taking center-stage.

Yesterday my close in-real-life friend shared this homily with the tag-line, "truth" on a social media site we both use. I'm a secular Buddhist who practices mindfulness and a few other types of meditation, and she is recently introduced to Buddhism and considering taking vows at the sangha where my spouse meditates.

My reaction to the message is that it is full of blame and is negligently ignorant of the perspective of science regarding the chemical and situational causes of anxiety and depression, both of which I experience on a daily basis, and which I think she probably experiences too. I take no comfort in it, but instead find it triggering panic and distress because...?

Because part of me thinks if I could just be good at living in the present I wouldn't experience anxiety and depression and I'm just not good enough at mindfulness?

Because, oh- living in the present is so easy- I must want to experience anxiety and depression so I am living in the past and future because I am a masochist?

Because the homily seems to blame people who experience anxiety and depression since living in the present is the answer, brings peace, is easy and doesn't cost a dime or involve the help of anyone else?

As I sort through these possibilities I begin to wonder "what is in it" for the person/organization who perpetuates the homily, and what does my friend get from sharing it via social media?

What are your reactions to this homily?

 

[mamachick]

I can see how this could be interpreted as blaming. I also appreciate your reaction. I think it is a really good topic you post as well. That being said, I don't find it so blaming as I do a goal to work toward, something to keep in mind when we dispute our thoughts that lead to depression and anxiety.

It reminds me of the statement "depression is anger turned inward". One could say that it is blaming as well, but maybe just intended to correlate and describe what the symptoms are about.

Do we have any responsibility for these emotions? Do we unconsciously bring them on or keep these emotions in our life? Many things to consider in my opinion. I think it is at least worth being open minded about and seeking to verify or challenge.

Years ago I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome. I was positive for epstein barr virus and many labs were off showing I had virus. Years later, I was no better. I worked with a holistic psychologist that said to me-"What do you think keeps you sick". After further discussion, it was her belief that when we do not get better, there is something about being sick that is benefitting us.

That was very difficult for me to hear and yet I was open minded about it. I began questioning what I got out of being sick (I was not faking). I discovered several things. It allowed me to say "no" to family who always had something for me to do. It connected me with others with this mystery illness-being part of group initially, but kept me in group. It slowed me down to my husbands boring pace in life. Having ptsd and not knowing it, it kept me safe in ways. It allowed me to life a safe and calm life-taking no risks. Etc.

I started changing. I spent more time volunteering. Then walking with a group of women, eventually alone. I started venturing out and driving to big city to shop. I started living again is what I did. What I know today is that fear and ptsd kept me sick until my body and mind healed. Unfortunately, years later I had an accident and have been set way back and am sick again.

I was not intentionally sick. We are not intentionally suffering depression or anxiety. However, if anyone can change it, it can only be us. It must come through a conscious effort .

What is in it for the person who shares? I would hope it is the hope of helping someone, but I dont know. I think this is a great topic and look forward to hearing others thoughts on it as well.

 

[dharmaBum]

The thread title on this wasn't long enough for me to add an alternate choice. Is this a blame-ridden depression homily, benign truism, or something in between?

I think for my friend, she takes the words as encouragement and hope that as she focuses her life toward the present that she will feel more peace.

For me, it comes across initially as blame because it is not written from the perspective of an individual (what has worked for one), but as a course of treatment for humanity (what should work for all). But I also think that with the depression and complex-PTSD, I am more likely to have a negative reaction to any stimuli that gives me the impression that I'm not doing enough if I still have symptoms, especially if they are not directly related to what is happening here and now.

It reminds me of a study done by Mary Helen Immordino-Yang regarding the embodiment of admiration for virtue. In summary, researchers would tell participants stories about virtuous real-life people and then note in a functional-MRI what kind of brain activity was taking place. They said that people immediately responded with positive, motivating feelings of wanting to do more virtuous acts themselves and/or support other people in their virtuous acts. The idea was to try to connect this virtuous inspiration with motivation for academic learning. Well, when I heard one of these stories in a video of a key-note presentation by Immordino-Yang, my response (not knowing what the whole goal was yet) was of massive self-criticism because I had not experienced as much hardship as the subject, yet I had not accomplished as much good. I was not inspired at all. I was going straight down into a massive negative spiral of self-criticism. The researchers didn't note this effect for study participants, but that might have been because such a response would have resulted in early elimination since they were just doing the F-MRIs to learn about admiration for virtue.

The association is related to the finding that people with clinical depression ascribe more negativity to life events and notice more negative emotions and events than do people without that diagnosis.

Thank you so much for sharing your story and your take on this question brat17.

 

[PTSDtheBlackHole]

Your thoughts are listened to and your feelings are very real. Perhaps finding other friend(s) to speak too and maybe counseling 2x week may be helpful - it seems you are in need of someone who respects your feelings and can help you sort them out. I do support finding time to have enjoyment - fun - volunteering even if it is reading to children at a library. Look at things you may not have ever considered for yourself and include these things now while you come to understand yourself and your beliefs. It acts to "buffer" all the complex thoughts you have. You are very insightful and are able open to explore many views

 

[mamachick]

dharma-on the flip side of what I wrote, I do believe that depression can be biological and so ingrained. I was raised by a depressed mother, as my sisters were. There is much more liklihood of depression-and it is not a choice. I do think there can be a great deal of help at overcoming, or at least reducing depression. Yet it cannot be eliminated for everyone.

I do not think we can all just get over it. I also do not think that focusing on the present will eliminate all depression and anxiety. Some have present situations so painful that its best to recall memories or fantacize of future.

I also thought of Maslows Hierarchy of needs and self actualization. Something we strive for but often never reach. That does not mean we are a failure for not reaching self actualization. I know AA has a saying also, if you have one foot on yesterday and the other on tomorrow, your pissing on today.

I say, if you find any benefit in it-take it. If you don't-leave it.

 

[PTSDtheBlackHole]

Agreed. Learn as much as you can; feeling safe and secure with those around you is Maslow's Hierarchy so I hope you feel this. I do not at this point. But it is something we live with and monitor and try to learn more about treatment options so we can be more proactive and prevent the severity of symptoms. For me - I needed very much to understand my past. so that I could understand myself. so that is where I am at.