Blocking And Therapy

[OKRADLAK]

Like many of us, I used blocking in a serious way.

Now it is making it hard for me to communicate with my T (or anyone).

So now I live in this world that is safe for me but I cannot really communicate.

When I blocked I did not just block it all out, I only let in certain things. I became obsessed with another place (that exists) and totally adopted its worldviews, ideas, and beliefs. I did this to avoid how horrible the world around me was.

So my dilemna in therapy is: Do I explain this to my T? Should I let her into MY world or stay in hers??

If I try to stay in hers (which I usually do ) it is "easier" with lots of head nodding and pretending I get it.

If I try to let her into mine, she will not get it. She is not familiar with the place. Further, she does not really understand that this place is the ONLY place from which I understand anything at all anymore.

I do not expect her to learn another language or read extensively about this place, but to maybe understand my perspective on this whole process may be different.

Does this make sense?I am not sure I did a good job of explaining, but if anyone has really blocked to the point of creating an entire new place in which to live........please let me know how you bridged the gap with your T. It's very confusing!!

 

[ronin47]

You don't know that for sure. You don't know that she won't understand. Take the chance and touch on it with her. I know it's frightening, but there's a very good chance you'll feel a lot better. You can just share little bits and pieces at first if you want.

 

[The Albatross]

I'm all in for disclosure. That's what I got a therapist for. A place where I can be candid about what my mindset is.
Write out your thoughts, and wrap your head around it. Share some and see what you get.

 

[KP the nut]

I'm with sharing, although hypocrite that I am, it has taken me a long time to do that :rolleyes:. My T suprised me by knowing exactly what I meant and he understood.

I felt it was a step in the right direction. If telling your T is hard, try writing it down and letting him/her read it.

 

[livergirl70]

You should be open with your T, they are there to help you and amazingly seem to know where you are coming from. I agree with KP, if you find it hard to open up initially cos of the trust thing, then write it down. I kept a diary - mainly for my dreams which were all the time to start with - that helped cos she could read it and talk about it at next session

 

[Zemi]

You did well with communicating that and it does make sense, or at least it does from where I'm sitting. I've done the pretending to get things or be present before and at the time it can seem like the only option; however, it doesn't really help us to heal and doesn't really help the therapist to know what is going on. If you can imagine it at all, maybe you could start thinking about even something like printing out what you wrote here and sharing it with your therapist so she could get some idea of just how much your created world means and the questions you are asking about it in your relationship with her. Maybe then the two of you can work out together a balance which might be something like her getting to know a little of your world and you learning how to stay present a litle longer in this one? Not saying this is easy at all, just things to think about.

 

[OKRADLAK]

I see her tomorrow and I will approach this and the trust issues! If she can't handle then wrong person!

Thank you guys for the suggestions. It is hard for me to stay in therapy because it gets so complicated when you have PSTD for a long time. Your brain starts to play tricks to survive.

 

[Zemi]

I hope it will go well tomorrow :)