Body Memories? Or Fear Response?

[mrsmegan]

Hi all. I am new here but have lurked for a long time. I have been diagnosed with PTSD after having gone through child abuse.

I have a question around something I am experiencing around a specific memory.

This was something I was only able to recently get uncovered. I always had some pieces or flashes - and certainly a feeling of "that's not good" around this situation - but it finally kinda came together in a way that I could make sense of it. It is definitely sexual abuse, but I don't remember actually being touched.

When I think about it - or it gets triggered - along with the intense feelings of fear and anxiety, I get this feeling as though I am actually being touched. Like I can feels hands on me. It is very unsettling.

I just don't know what this is. I don't have any actual memory of being touched - was this just from the fear I had of being touched in the situation? Or is there just more there that I don't remember?

It's confusing and really frustrating....

 

[BlueOrange]

I just don't know what this is. I don't have any actual memory of being touched - was this just from the fear I had of being touched in the situation? Or is there just more there that I don't remember?

And you might never know what it is. Imagining something while in an elevated emotional state creates memories that can be extremely hard to distinguish from memories of real events. Knowing exactly what actually happened is like working out what something looks like from its shadow - never perfectly reliable.

However, whatever it was that actually happened is not the problem you're facing today - the memories are the problem that you're facing today. So, in a sense, the only way that the past matters (from a PTSD treatment point of view) is that it created memories and mental formations.

 

[Deleted member 34424]

Whenever I am triggered I feel my body tense, my chest and throat constrict, and I feel a poking sensation in my vagina followed by feeling turned on. Sometimes I feel a hand on my left breast or my left arm or my abuser biting and sticking his tongue in my ear.

Worst shyte ever, so I understand the confusion and issue/s it causes you.