... not that there is ever a reason to yell at someone.
I'm really struggling with this. For background, I have complex PTSD from an isolated childhood of intense psychological, verbal and emotional abuse. I spent all of my 20s and some of my 30s in dead-end foodservice jobs because I didn't see any other options for me. However, I eventually finished a degree and have been able to claw myself into a professional career as a copywriter and then up the career ladder enough to feel secure and comfortable for the first time in my life. We have a savings account, a nice vacation planned, can afford the cat's prescription food without hardship, etc. It feels like I finally succeeded in setting up for myself what has always seemed so easy and "granted" for other people -- decent security without some kind of daily emotional struggle.
The owner of the small marketing company I work for is known to be irrational, unreasonable, contentious, indecisive and not particularly knowledgeable. This is definitely not my personal interpretation -- it's something everyone there knows and deals with in their own way. I have little contact with him but he is the only other writer at the company, so when he does get involved in a project, it's directly related to the work I do.
Well, I found out the hard way about 6 months ago that my first and foremost job responsibility is to stroke his ego, and then to create good client work second. He'd worked on a piece for a client based on a long information-dump phone call we had with them, and when he sent it to me to "edit" most of it was factually incorrect. I have a science writing background, and I'm used to being responsible for fact-checking and catching every error no matter how small, so I corrected the mistakes because ... well, it was wrong, and we shouldn't be sending wrong work to clients. He blew up at me and the entire team via email about how we changed what he wrote and it really upset me, but it was a Friday, it didn't happen face to face, and nobody wants to leave their job (the insurance is great and my husband is in occupational therapy 3x a week after an accident, so that's a consideration too).
He must be holding a grudge because yesterday we were working on another project where he sent me some initial ideas and I didn't use them all word for word. I didn't know I was supposed to, and there was a lot of other information to add in a small space, so I adapted everything in one way or another to fit and work together. The details don't matter I guess. What matters is he blew up at me in a meeting in front of my peers, treated me like, IDK, a juvenile delinquent in custody or something, and when I started to ask a clarifying question about a change he wanted (his direction isn't always clear to me so I wanted to make doubly sure I understood what he was asking for) he blew up at me and basically forbade me to speak.
I'm a 39 year old professional. I was stunned and shocked and outraged. I'm proud of myself for being in a place in my life where I can BE angry about it instead of shrinking and freaking out and wondering what I did wrong. I didn't DO anything wrong. Even if I did, that is an unprofessional, unacceptable way to behave towards employees. I finished the deliverable, and then told my supervisor (who was in the room and whose jaw was still pretty much on the table over the incident) that my throat was sore and that I was leaving for the rest of the day (there were about 2 hours left).
I am working from home "sick" today and having a meltdown over this. It's so much like how I grew up. Being accused of arguing when I'm not, feeling powerless in the face of someone explosive with no rationality whatsoever behind their behavior who has a great deal of control over my life, being forbidden from speaking, being treated like a horrible burdensome piece of crap, etc. I can't deal with it. What's more, my husband received news yesterday that his role at his job may be phased out and without a college degree and no heavy lifting ability it's unlikely he'd find decent work quickly. He needs expensive occupational therapy and ongoing surgical follow ups, medication, etc. I feel trapped like I have no choice but to keep working with this psychopath and I don't feel like I can do it.
Other people might be able to bite the bullet and shrug off his inexcusable behavior but I can't. Not with the way I grew up. I just can't. The feeling of going back to that place is suffocating and terrifying and I can barely function today. I know I should start looking for other jobs immediately but I can't focus and everything feels fifty miles away and like a minefield where people are just going to treat me like crap again and not value my contributions. I'm trying so hard not to go down the rabbit hole of terror and negativity but this is such a huge trigger for me and I don't know what to do.
I'm really struggling with this. For background, I have complex PTSD from an isolated childhood of intense psychological, verbal and emotional abuse. I spent all of my 20s and some of my 30s in dead-end foodservice jobs because I didn't see any other options for me. However, I eventually finished a degree and have been able to claw myself into a professional career as a copywriter and then up the career ladder enough to feel secure and comfortable for the first time in my life. We have a savings account, a nice vacation planned, can afford the cat's prescription food without hardship, etc. It feels like I finally succeeded in setting up for myself what has always seemed so easy and "granted" for other people -- decent security without some kind of daily emotional struggle.
The owner of the small marketing company I work for is known to be irrational, unreasonable, contentious, indecisive and not particularly knowledgeable. This is definitely not my personal interpretation -- it's something everyone there knows and deals with in their own way. I have little contact with him but he is the only other writer at the company, so when he does get involved in a project, it's directly related to the work I do.
Well, I found out the hard way about 6 months ago that my first and foremost job responsibility is to stroke his ego, and then to create good client work second. He'd worked on a piece for a client based on a long information-dump phone call we had with them, and when he sent it to me to "edit" most of it was factually incorrect. I have a science writing background, and I'm used to being responsible for fact-checking and catching every error no matter how small, so I corrected the mistakes because ... well, it was wrong, and we shouldn't be sending wrong work to clients. He blew up at me and the entire team via email about how we changed what he wrote and it really upset me, but it was a Friday, it didn't happen face to face, and nobody wants to leave their job (the insurance is great and my husband is in occupational therapy 3x a week after an accident, so that's a consideration too).
He must be holding a grudge because yesterday we were working on another project where he sent me some initial ideas and I didn't use them all word for word. I didn't know I was supposed to, and there was a lot of other information to add in a small space, so I adapted everything in one way or another to fit and work together. The details don't matter I guess. What matters is he blew up at me in a meeting in front of my peers, treated me like, IDK, a juvenile delinquent in custody or something, and when I started to ask a clarifying question about a change he wanted (his direction isn't always clear to me so I wanted to make doubly sure I understood what he was asking for) he blew up at me and basically forbade me to speak.
I'm a 39 year old professional. I was stunned and shocked and outraged. I'm proud of myself for being in a place in my life where I can BE angry about it instead of shrinking and freaking out and wondering what I did wrong. I didn't DO anything wrong. Even if I did, that is an unprofessional, unacceptable way to behave towards employees. I finished the deliverable, and then told my supervisor (who was in the room and whose jaw was still pretty much on the table over the incident) that my throat was sore and that I was leaving for the rest of the day (there were about 2 hours left).
I am working from home "sick" today and having a meltdown over this. It's so much like how I grew up. Being accused of arguing when I'm not, feeling powerless in the face of someone explosive with no rationality whatsoever behind their behavior who has a great deal of control over my life, being forbidden from speaking, being treated like a horrible burdensome piece of crap, etc. I can't deal with it. What's more, my husband received news yesterday that his role at his job may be phased out and without a college degree and no heavy lifting ability it's unlikely he'd find decent work quickly. He needs expensive occupational therapy and ongoing surgical follow ups, medication, etc. I feel trapped like I have no choice but to keep working with this psychopath and I don't feel like I can do it.
Other people might be able to bite the bullet and shrug off his inexcusable behavior but I can't. Not with the way I grew up. I just can't. The feeling of going back to that place is suffocating and terrifying and I can barely function today. I know I should start looking for other jobs immediately but I can't focus and everything feels fifty miles away and like a minefield where people are just going to treat me like crap again and not value my contributions. I'm trying so hard not to go down the rabbit hole of terror and negativity but this is such a huge trigger for me and I don't know what to do.
