Childhood Boundieries And Family

[Artytree]

I have recently been getting to know my cousin who I not seen since I was sixteen. His mum is my mums sister, so he is aware of what their dad did to all us women in the family when we were little.
He is also aware of the various other things I've been through in my life.
However despite knowing all this I feel he is crossing boundaries. Part of me feels as though it's all in my head and I'm imagining it.
He came to visit for a few days this weekend. He talks about past things, which I obviously get upset talking about. He then cuddles me, which is fine. But then he wants me to snuggle with him on the couch like you would with your partner when watching tv! I made my excuses and moved away from him. He tries to do this everytime he hugs me. I caught him on numerous occasions staring at me. It all makes my skin crawl. I feel uncomfortable around him, I don't feel safe. I did find the courage to ask him to leave earlier than what was planned. I am supposed to be visiting him next month but my instincts are screaming at me not to go. So I've decided I'm not going....I just don't know what to say. Since he's been and gone I feel physically sick and I'm in pain. My head feels horrible....I did suffer from aches and pains due to the Pstd but I managed to ease it....now I feel it's starting up again. Either that or I am coming down with something.
I just wanted to put this out there because I just want to see if I'm over thinking things. My older children who are 18 and 16 both don't like him, they say there's just something about him they don't like.

 

[BlueDream]

Listen to your gut, I think you are right 100%. It sounds like he is trying to make a sexual opportunity for himself.
It is not normal to snuggle with your cousin on the couch. That's not healthy affection to show between adult male and female family members. For him to initiate that, as well as the other contact throws up a million red flags to me.

You have every right to set up boundaries with people so you can have healthy relationships. Although I doubt a healthy relationship with him is possible, don't be afraid to set firm boundaries.

If it was me, I would make up what ever excuse not to go, cut him off, don't answer calls, messages, and don't look back. He will know it was his actions, he might not admit it, but he knows he a creep.

 

[Artytree]

Listen to your gut, I think you are right 100%. It sounds like he is trying to make a sexual opportun...

Thank you for your reply. I think because of the lack of key life skills and all the abuse I've suffered since I was little, I've always doubted my natural instincts ect...and as a 38 year old woman I'm only just learning a lot of things that people take for granted such as listening to my instincts. Which is why I had to put the post up...I needed some sort of confirmation that I'm not going mad.
I think you're also right in the fact there's no way I could have a healthy cousin relationship with him.

 

[Silver.]

What he is indicating goes way beyond healthy cousin relationship, and you should be proud of yourself for knowing what he is up to, and being able to say "get out" and "don't come back"
You do have those natural instincts, you might not have realized you had them til you needed them.
*hugs*

 

[BlueDream]

Thank you for your reply. I think because of the lack of key life skills and all the abuse I've suffer...

I feel the need to have my thoughts confirmed also, don't feel bad about posting, that's why we're here, to support each other.

 

[Artytree]

What he is indicating goes way beyond healthy cousin relationship, and you should be proud of yourself...

Thank you again Silver.:)

 

[Artytree]

I feel the need to have my thoughts confirmed also, don't feel bad about posting, that's why we're he...

Okay thank you Bluedream. Guess I'm just not used to having people not tell me I'm going mad and it's all in my head. It's a breath of fresh air to have support.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I agree with the others as well. I hope you can disconnect from him and have nothing more to do with him. You are okay to be angry about what he is pulling and attempting. Good for you in telling him to leave. Please notice that he does this with no witnesses to your plight. Huge red flags, he has an agenda it seems and you are right on the mark with him.:hug:

 

[Artytree]

I agree with the others as well. I hope you can disconnect from him and have nothing more to do with him....

I have been so moody and snappy recently, I think the anger for this is just adding to the anger that I have from the various horrific experiences in my life.
I just hope with self care and meditation I can manage the anger.
It truly is such a relief to know it's not all in my head and others feel the same warning signs.
He reminds me of how my mums dad used to be towards me and the two times I was raped and the build up to all those times. My mum and dad weren't any better but I knew what I was getting with them if you can understand what I mean.
I'm angry also for the fact I keep getting these awful people put in my path.
Good thing I've learnt from this is I know I am listening to my instincts now.
As for disconnecting from him, I am and I will make sure it stays that way.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Yay for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:cool::cool::cool::cool::cool::cool::cool::cool: You are sure doing the right thing for you. :hug:

 

[Artytree]

Thank you Gizmo. :):hug:

 

[RussH]

This looks like a case where the apple did not fall far from the tree. His actions are completely inappropriate, and you should stay away from him.