D
Deleted member 93
You need to stop because you know it is not true... You ae strong powerful woman, don' forget that.
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Brain Tests - Do They Hurt?
- Post starter batgirl
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- #26
anthony
Founder
I can see it more from Jim's perspective actually from his military background, being that telling yourself that daily will eventually bring down your self esteem, which it already has by the sounds of it, which means by simply removing saying that once per day / saying it at all, your self esteem has room for growth once again. So many issues with PTSD itself actually does revolve around self esteem, which equates to confidence. If you don't believe in yourself, regardless what others think or attempt to manipulate and bring you down, you will not heal mental trauma, because you have given up on yourself before you started basically.
This is why when I discuss peoples issues with them, I simply don't take their crap about low self worth. Its bullshit, and I don't tolerate it. Every human being is worth something, even if not to another, they are to themselves, and until a person believes that, not just thinks it, they will never fully grasp the concept of healing, nor will they ever fully heal their past trauma.
You are very fortunate actually Batgirl, in that having your uncle with his military background, he strives in boosting self esteem, trust me, and you have a person directly within your life to motivate you and help you regain your self esteem to become that assertive personality that is so much needed, not passive, not aggressive, but assertive.
The funny thing is, is that all the physicians and theoretical monkeys that come up with all this shit, fail to realise there is another personality that exists within this world, as I see it, I call it assertive aggressive.
Passive is a person who simply doesn't respect themselves, because they don't treat others as they treat themselves, they simply allow anyone to walk over them
Aggressive simply doesn't respect boundaries at all.
Passive aggressive insult you with a smile
Assertive treat you exactly as you treat them (the good one)
Assertive aggressive is anyone who has endured military / combat / survival type training. If you know how to kill, you have been taught to be assertive aggressive.
This simply means, whenever a person has endured such training, they are assertive in nature, as that is where the pause button is place when trained, however; they have a very aggressive nature sitting within them just waiting to be activated at any time.
My commonsense theory to it... but hey, these theoretical monkeys don't often have commonsense that I know off.
This is why when I discuss peoples issues with them, I simply don't take their crap about low self worth. Its bullshit, and I don't tolerate it. Every human being is worth something, even if not to another, they are to themselves, and until a person believes that, not just thinks it, they will never fully grasp the concept of healing, nor will they ever fully heal their past trauma.
You are very fortunate actually Batgirl, in that having your uncle with his military background, he strives in boosting self esteem, trust me, and you have a person directly within your life to motivate you and help you regain your self esteem to become that assertive personality that is so much needed, not passive, not aggressive, but assertive.
The funny thing is, is that all the physicians and theoretical monkeys that come up with all this shit, fail to realise there is another personality that exists within this world, as I see it, I call it assertive aggressive.
Passive is a person who simply doesn't respect themselves, because they don't treat others as they treat themselves, they simply allow anyone to walk over them
Aggressive simply doesn't respect boundaries at all.
Passive aggressive insult you with a smile
Assertive treat you exactly as you treat them (the good one)
Assertive aggressive is anyone who has endured military / combat / survival type training. If you know how to kill, you have been taught to be assertive aggressive.
This simply means, whenever a person has endured such training, they are assertive in nature, as that is where the pause button is place when trained, however; they have a very aggressive nature sitting within them just waiting to be activated at any time.
My commonsense theory to it... but hey, these theoretical monkeys don't often have commonsense that I know off.
D
Deleted member 93
Hey, pretty cool to see you having the time to do some more of that deep thinking. :) Helps us all.
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- #28
anthony said:
Yes that's pretty much what's happened, I believe I'm crap because I've said it so much, and my uncle has told me if I don't say it anymore I will get better just by default. And even better if I replace it with something positive every day. God you guys sound like twins, he's told me the exact same thing basically.
You're right, I am very lucky. It took me a while to realize that, but I am starting to get it. I do feel kind of sad though too because my father was very much like my uncle, before he got sick, that is...
Actually your theory makes a lot of sense. I can see my uncle, my dad (before), my cousin Brian... are like that, assertive aggressive. You should write a book! :) I mean why not, everyone else does, and most written by psychologists suck in my opinion. Yours would be more interesting.
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- #29
Oh and I guess I should say, I was at the lake with my uncle for a couple of days. My aunt went to visit Brian on the base. Anyways it's awesome up there, my uncle taught me ice fishing, etc. We were going to stay there through Christmas and are going back in a couple of days again, but the doctor called about my MRI. So we came home early this morning to hear the results.
The MRI shows I have PTSD. Wooo, big surprise there. My brain is ****ed up. Part of it is like, squashed or shrivelled, smaller than a normal person's brain. I don't know all the technical details of it yet, the doctor is getting a written transcript from the neurologist, so I'll be able to post the details and maybe even the scan itself on here then, because my uncle requested a copy of it.
Anyways I have mixed feelings. It's nice to know for sure that I have PTSD and that I'm not just behaving strangely because I'm a bad person or whatever. On the other hand, my brain is ****ed up. It feels odd to know that my brain is different from other people's. I suppose that's permanent??? OH and speaking of permanent, the psychiatrist said I will likely NEVER work again, because of the severity of the trauma. That I am most likely permanently disabled and that we should look into getting disability for me through my dad's military pension, etc. I was like, WTF???? I felt really really bad. My uncle was there though, and he challenged the doctor on it, kind of got into an argument with him actually. Then later he told me not to listen to the doctor, that he was sure I could get well enough to work at something. So then I felt a bit better.
Anyways regardless of all that I am very fortunate to have gotten the MRI. Here in Canada it's very difficult to get an MRI, first you have to prove you really need one, and then even if it's an emergency situation you usually have to wait several months, sometimes up to 2 years. So I was lucky.
The MRI shows I have PTSD. Wooo, big surprise there. My brain is ****ed up. Part of it is like, squashed or shrivelled, smaller than a normal person's brain. I don't know all the technical details of it yet, the doctor is getting a written transcript from the neurologist, so I'll be able to post the details and maybe even the scan itself on here then, because my uncle requested a copy of it.
Anyways I have mixed feelings. It's nice to know for sure that I have PTSD and that I'm not just behaving strangely because I'm a bad person or whatever. On the other hand, my brain is ****ed up. It feels odd to know that my brain is different from other people's. I suppose that's permanent??? OH and speaking of permanent, the psychiatrist said I will likely NEVER work again, because of the severity of the trauma. That I am most likely permanently disabled and that we should look into getting disability for me through my dad's military pension, etc. I was like, WTF???? I felt really really bad. My uncle was there though, and he challenged the doctor on it, kind of got into an argument with him actually. Then later he told me not to listen to the doctor, that he was sure I could get well enough to work at something. So then I felt a bit better.
Anyways regardless of all that I am very fortunate to have gotten the MRI. Here in Canada it's very difficult to get an MRI, first you have to prove you really need one, and then even if it's an emergency situation you usually have to wait several months, sometimes up to 2 years. So I was lucky.
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- #31
anthony
Founder
Now now Jim... she is a big girl and all. :) (Anthony exits stage left from family dispute)
Ok, the work thing. To a degree, I will say the doctor is paritally correct, I will say that Jim is paritally correct, IMO and all.
I was told the same thing because the severity of my trauma from so many operations. I was told I would be medicated for the rest of my life. I was told lots of things... all based on doctors experience with past patients who suffered to the same degree as myself. Now... I am no longer medicated and whilst I don't work, to a point you could say I do, being this forum and some other ventures I have my finger in. So here I am, applying myself to something that apparently I was never going to be capable of doing.
"Never" work is a big statement, and let me expand more. You may, you may not be able to work in a job once healed that involves other people, ie. a customer relations type job, any role where you have to deal with people, high stress jobs, emergency services, etc etc. The reason is that you will always have less room in your internal emotional cup than someone without PTSD. Part of that reason is because that with PTSD, PTSD expands at approximately twice the rate for which any emotional bad stressor goes into your emotional cup, which means you will factually not be capable to handle as much daily stress as someone without PTSD. Knowing this though, this is where management comes into play. Learning how to manage PTSD is very much a lifestyle change within itself, in that you have to manage your life into a routine that allows you to cope with daily stress. It is often the case that those who suffer PTSD generally find something where they can work with themselves, or they work with only one or two people, none of which involves high direct public daily contact. This ensures then that an irate customer does not unleash their emotional tank upon you, thus your increase in mass proportion compared to someone without PTSD being on teh receiving end of it. Many sufferers often work for themselves, a family member that understands PTSD and can help them control stress exposure, or jobs that promote relaxation, ie. yoga instructor, gym instructor, more natural therapeudic type jobs, where the aim is often to reduce stress, not increase it.
Never is a big word, and should be used with caution. Most do not understand this caution though, and use it fairly loosely, to say the least.
What I do agree with from your doctor, is that you should take his medical documents that he will provide stateing you will not be fit to work again, and get yourself onto a disability pension now. Why? Because you do not know how long it will take you to personally heal and get back into employment that is comfortable for you. It could take you a couple of years, five years, ten years, who knows at this stage, so some financial aid now help reduce that little burning issue within your emotional cup. Another daily stressor down, many more to go. Because you go onto disability, it does not mean it is permanent, and the organisations who pay disability are more than happy to often help people get back into the work force, ie. financial help for training, education, etc etc, because it means they can get you off disability, save themselves money, and overall your health improves from daily mind activity, being work of some kind. Once you have those letters and are on disability, you can then go on and off it as your life depicts from your current state of health, instead of more worry and stress which just makes you sick. It really is a mental revolving cycle, one that often we are our own worse enemy.
Ok, the work thing. To a degree, I will say the doctor is paritally correct, I will say that Jim is paritally correct, IMO and all.
I was told the same thing because the severity of my trauma from so many operations. I was told I would be medicated for the rest of my life. I was told lots of things... all based on doctors experience with past patients who suffered to the same degree as myself. Now... I am no longer medicated and whilst I don't work, to a point you could say I do, being this forum and some other ventures I have my finger in. So here I am, applying myself to something that apparently I was never going to be capable of doing.
"Never" work is a big statement, and let me expand more. You may, you may not be able to work in a job once healed that involves other people, ie. a customer relations type job, any role where you have to deal with people, high stress jobs, emergency services, etc etc. The reason is that you will always have less room in your internal emotional cup than someone without PTSD. Part of that reason is because that with PTSD, PTSD expands at approximately twice the rate for which any emotional bad stressor goes into your emotional cup, which means you will factually not be capable to handle as much daily stress as someone without PTSD. Knowing this though, this is where management comes into play. Learning how to manage PTSD is very much a lifestyle change within itself, in that you have to manage your life into a routine that allows you to cope with daily stress. It is often the case that those who suffer PTSD generally find something where they can work with themselves, or they work with only one or two people, none of which involves high direct public daily contact. This ensures then that an irate customer does not unleash their emotional tank upon you, thus your increase in mass proportion compared to someone without PTSD being on teh receiving end of it. Many sufferers often work for themselves, a family member that understands PTSD and can help them control stress exposure, or jobs that promote relaxation, ie. yoga instructor, gym instructor, more natural therapeudic type jobs, where the aim is often to reduce stress, not increase it.
Never is a big word, and should be used with caution. Most do not understand this caution though, and use it fairly loosely, to say the least.
What I do agree with from your doctor, is that you should take his medical documents that he will provide stateing you will not be fit to work again, and get yourself onto a disability pension now. Why? Because you do not know how long it will take you to personally heal and get back into employment that is comfortable for you. It could take you a couple of years, five years, ten years, who knows at this stage, so some financial aid now help reduce that little burning issue within your emotional cup. Another daily stressor down, many more to go. Because you go onto disability, it does not mean it is permanent, and the organisations who pay disability are more than happy to often help people get back into the work force, ie. financial help for training, education, etc etc, because it means they can get you off disability, save themselves money, and overall your health improves from daily mind activity, being work of some kind. Once you have those letters and are on disability, you can then go on and off it as your life depicts from your current state of health, instead of more worry and stress which just makes you sick. It really is a mental revolving cycle, one that often we are our own worse enemy.
- Post starter
- #32
anthony said:
ROFLMAO!!!!
Thanks anthony. Your explanation sounds a lot more reasonable and balanced than the doctor's. The way the doctor said it, it sounded like a death sentence practically. Like, what's the point of even trying to get better.
What they said to you is similar to what was said to me... that I would have to be medicated forever... that the trauma itself was exceedingly severe, plus a bunch of other stuff:
I was under age 21 when the trauma occurred, which apparently is bad for your brain because it's not fully developed yet;
The results of the MRI show decreased volume in the right hemisphere of my brain (I think he said?);
The results of my psychological screening tests show me as severely dysfunctional in my daily living, family and social relationships;
The screening also indicated the presence of all the symptoms of PTSD listed in the DSM-IV, all at the level of severe save one... and in that one, I was moderate to severe;
Then also physical illness related directly to the PTSD, plus long term physical problems from being shot;
I have suicidal ideation, risk taking behaviours, and auditory and visual hallucinations;
Oh and the icing on the cake ... I am known to be violent and have been convicted twice of a violent crime. Yay for me!!! :thumbs-up I should be the next unibomber. When I lived in res, some of the other students said I was a psycho, maybe they were right.
It was a huge downer for me. Maybe I was just living in some fantasy land before, actually in a way I think I was, I didn't really realize how bad I was until it was all laid out for me like that.
I am going to apply for the disability though, especially since you say it doesn't have to be permanent. I thought it would have to be forever and I'd have to promise not to work ever or something. But if I still have the possibility to work at some point I'll apply. I'm actually entitled to quite a bit indirectly through Veteran's Affairs, because of my dad. And yeah more money less stress makes total sense. And... as much as I am grateful to my family for helping me now, I'd rather have my own money.
I agree with you about all those jobs you mentioned too, I've tried to work at jobs involving customers a few times and I had to quit each job after a day or sometimes even less. Either I was freaked out by too much noise or movement, or I lost my temper with the customers. I don't like being around people at all actually. I guess for now I'll just stick to drawing my comics and writing in my blog. Problem is, at the moment all I seem to be drawing is my father in combat fatigues holding a rifle, and my blog is devoted to... well I won't tell you just yet actually... bleah.
Anyways thanks again. I do feel a bit better about it, believe it or not.
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- #33
anthony
Founder
Everything you mention above, is exactly what I was told. I was written off as a nut case basically, and my idea was the same, in that what in the hell is the point of getting better if these guys are doctors and they are telling me this. Then I learnt the truth for myself... You stick with commonsense batgirl, because doctors lost it long ago. There is no money in cures, there is no money in healing... only stringing people along for their lives with no regard for their humanity, only the bottom line profits. It actually quite disgusts me to be honest... they just discard us as nothing more than a salary for themselves. When did doctors just stop careing?
I would like to point out something from the "field" point of view.
This is right now. Right now those are your symptoms and your current state. Also there are references to the past. Well that is the past. Although it has an impact it is not right now.
Now, Where in there is a test that says this is exactly what this person will do or be like in the future??? Hmmm???
K, these damn doc's just drive me nuts. They have no idea what anyone's future holds. Period. Acting like they do is unethical and unprofessional. Humanity is hope. That is what the medical and health fields are all about. Where did these people get their licenses again?
Bat, any good therapist or doc will NEVER say you will or will not be 'anything' in the future because the only one who can determine that is you.
We are just like a broken bone. It may be broken right now, but with the right cast, it will heal. There might be scars, there might not but it will heal with care. Don't forget that. And fire these damn doctors....
Bec
This is right now. Right now those are your symptoms and your current state. Also there are references to the past. Well that is the past. Although it has an impact it is not right now.
Now, Where in there is a test that says this is exactly what this person will do or be like in the future??? Hmmm???
K, these damn doc's just drive me nuts. They have no idea what anyone's future holds. Period. Acting like they do is unethical and unprofessional. Humanity is hope. That is what the medical and health fields are all about. Where did these people get their licenses again?
Bat, any good therapist or doc will NEVER say you will or will not be 'anything' in the future because the only one who can determine that is you.
We are just like a broken bone. It may be broken right now, but with the right cast, it will heal. There might be scars, there might not but it will heal with care. Don't forget that. And fire these damn doctors....
Bec
- Post starter
- #35
becvan said:
YEAH EXACTLY!!!! Like I'm not so naive as to think I'm going to be totally cured, but I do think at some point I'll have fewer symptoms. Or at least that's my goal. I guess my brain is squashed for life, and my stomach is shot too (omg bad unintended pun). But I should be able to have fewer nightmares, less of an exaggerated startle response, be less angry, etc... like those are things I think I have the ability to work on.
Honestly the doctor, when he told me, talked to me like I had inoperable cancer or AIDS. His voice was dripping with pity, condescension. He made me feel like a retard. (No offence to the mentally challenged!!)
Thanks, yeah that was what I thought too until today. Well I still think it, thanks to you and anthony. I'm not going to listen to the doctor.
Ugh well but this is the doctor who is supposed to be the specialist in PTSD, who's on sabbatical here from Toronto. He's supposed to be so good. Sigh.
Oh well thanks though. I appreciate the support.
Anytime Bat.
He probably is the expert in PTSD. Remember, I am trained in Social Services and have PTSD. As Anthony puts it, I am as rare as rocking horse sh*t. So, I lay it on the line and I am not concerned with the bottom line. LOL, I didn't mean literally fire him. Just fire the parts where they are not being encouraging. LOL, there is only one of me you know.
Bec
He probably is the expert in PTSD. Remember, I am trained in Social Services and have PTSD. As Anthony puts it, I am as rare as rocking horse sh*t. So, I lay it on the line and I am not concerned with the bottom line. LOL, I didn't mean literally fire him. Just fire the parts where they are not being encouraging. LOL, there is only one of me you know.
Bec
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