Sufferer Breakdown

[DanyMarie]

I was diagnosed with ptsd when I was 11 years ago after my grandfather had died. After years of medications and counseling I finally felt like I had accepted what had happened and got the ok to stop taking the medications and stop going to counseling as I had a wonderful support system. I am now 22 and yesterday I had the worst breakdown I had had in years. I felt worthless and like a failure to my ten month old son. This all happened a few months after my aunt was killed in a car accident very young, along with financial issues and stress from school. I don't want to go back to my doctor and get back on medication because I hate the way they made me feel. I don't want to see my son suffering with this anxiety and depression. Everything that I felt all those years ago is coming back. Basically I'm looking for help. Should I save my mom money and talk to the counselors at my university or go back to my old psychiatrist? I just don't want to feel like that again. I hate feeling worthless and vulnerable. My mom says I'm too hard on myself and that I push myself too hard. I feel like I have to push myself because I don't have anyone to push me. My fiance tries but I feel like he doesn't understand what I want in life. I just want to be free of this disorder! Can someone help me?

 

[TonyG]

Welcome DanyMarie
It's worth seeing someone as soon as you can while you are feeling this way, It's not a waste of money quality of life is worth much more, You could start with your uni counciler of find a psychologist, medication will allways be your choice but you really need to talk to a professional that has a understanding of how you feel.

 

[DanyMarie]

The only down side is my old psychiatrist was a pediatric psychiatrist and I don't open up easily to people I don't know. medication is not an option in my opinion because I don't want to feel numb and try to take care of my ten month old. I guess I'll be stopping by the counseling center tomorrow. Thank you

 

[Kintsugi]

A pediatric psychiatrist may still agree to see a patient who worked with him previously and is a young adult. It's worth a call. I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm almost 23, and frankly, I've always felt that if I were to find another T, I would want one well versed in working with adolescents. I'm not quite sure why I have this strong preferential feeling, maybe because my "big" T (in life) specialized in children and adolescents (and trauma) as well as worked with adults, but I just feel that way.

I did see the counselors at my school as well as the psychiatrist. One of the counselors I saw, the first one, readily admitted that she did not feel qualified to help me. The other one, who was the head of the department, was at least mildly effective. The psychiatrist was TERRIBLE (uniquely so, I'm not sure you could do worse--he was fired for malpractice as well), BUT he did the trick. He put me on a medication that was effective enough with no notable side effects, and he filled my prescriptions and upped it regularly (even though he told me in a way I can only assume was meant to somehow be deragatory that I was taking a "bipolar dose" when I stopped asking for stronger doses...?). So, checking out the services *might* be worth it, even if the counseling there is supplemental to other help you are recieving outside.

I think it is important to seek whatever is best for your health though, not necessarily what will be the most affordable. Your health is worth it.

 

[DanyMarie]

Well see I haven't seen her since I was in 7th grade. But even though I am new to this site, it has some what helped me to know that I'm not alone. Even though, I mean I have my friends and family but they don't really understand what I'm going through and how I'm feeling. One thing I can't stand about this disorder is the depression that I suffer along with it! I told my mom on the phone during my breakdown that I regret ever having my son who is my world and I love him, I also told her that I might as well put him up for adoption because I don't deserve him. I hate feeling this way about the one person who loves me for me, not the front I put on because of this disorder. Yes, me and my fiance are having some financial issues, which adds a lot of stress to my life, along with working, being a mom, I am also a full-time student at my local university! I know to help myself I need to lower my stress level to reduce my chances of a massive breakdown that may land me in the hospital again, but its almost impossible. I guess its time to talk to my doctor because I'm going to just hurt myself even more health wise with all this stress.

 

[intothelight]

@DanyMarie Welcome to the forum!

PTSD symptoms can flare up in times of stress, so seeking help is a really good idea. Getting assistance from the university can be really helpful as there are things they can assist with to take some of the stress off in the short term. This site also contains a lot of information about stress and symptom management that you may find helpful.