Breastfeeding

[Gs172003]

I read that breastfeeding thread and around here it tends to be a nonissue. However something that has always always always bothered me, and I've never known why, is that I flat out couldn't do it. I tried it with my first two kids and the shame was horrendous. I cried my head off every single time. I hated it and after three weeks with one and one week with the other I flat out quit. Didn't even try with my son. That was over 20 years ago and it still bugs me. Anybody else have that issue?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

That might be connected to your past but its not a big deal. If you cant then find a private place or pump and feed out of a bottle.

I was just saying that those that do isnt a big deal. They make blankets and bras for it so no one can see your breast.

 

[Gs172003]

Maybe I need to clarify. It had nothing to do with being exposed. It was the actual act. And as I said this was over 20 years ago. It bothers me I feel like I missed out on something "normal" mothers get to do but I didnt.

It was emotionally terrible. Anybody else?

 

[joeylittle]

Anybody else have that issue?

I don't have kids - but I've known a few women who ended up being unable to get breastfeeding to work. Under-lactation can be stress, genetics, medication...many reasons. Nipple shape and baby's mouth can affect latching. A woman I know from work breast fed her first, but couldn't with her second, and neither she or her docs figured out why.

Hopefully, people with more personal experience can answer. But nowadays, there is at least more acknowledgement that breastfeeding is not automatically easy or even possible for every mother. 20 years ago I'm sure the attitudes were more likely to contribute to you feeling ashamed.

 

[Gs172003]

I must be awful at this. I had no trouble with attaching my baby to the breast and feeding. The only problem I had was the emotions. I would call my mom while sitting in my living room crying my eyes out because I felt so awful. The shame/ guilt I don't know was so intense I couldn't take it.

THAT is what I don't understand

 

[joeylittle]

Did you produce sufficient milk?

 

[Gs172003]

Did you produce sufficient milk?

Yes. Everything was physically fine.

 

[joeylittle]

The shame/ Guilt I don't know was so intense I couldn't take it.

So the shame wasn't connected to not being able to breastfeed, you couldn't keep breastfeeding because you couldn't tolerate the shame. Do I have that right? (Thanks for being patient and explaining)

 

[Gs172003]

So the shame wasn't connected to not being able to breastfeed, you couldn't keep breastfeeding becau...

Yes. That's exactly it.

 

[Gs172003]

And you're welcome. I'm not good at explaining myself.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Breast being exposed? Baby suckling on breast? Is that where the shame came from do you think? Maybe connected to your past and "private parts" being exposed?

ETA: I understand the feeling of "missing out" but your baby bonds to you in other ways. It is healthier for the baby but many people dont so i dont think you really missed out on anything, you know?

 

[joeylittle]

As @lostforgottensoul said, it seems like it would either have something to do with your feelings about that part of your body (your breasts) - or, I wonder if it had something to do with guilt or shame about having a baby in the first place? Did you ever worry that it was a mistake, or that you were going to fail at motherhood?