Bringing Up Suicidal Ideation

[RaiseYourGlass]

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the idea of suicide. I'm not going to kill myself, but it's a constant thought. I've been sort of ignoring it and hoping it would go away. Obviously that hasn't worked out very well. I know that I need to be honest with her but I'm worried about how she will react. I was hospitalized early last year because I called her and told her I was about to kill myself. I don't want her to think this is the same situation.

How do I bring up the topic and how do I ensure that she understands I'm not planning on killing myself?

Also quick side note, I'm only 17 so do you think she will tell my mom if I tell her that I'm thinking about it?

 

[scout86]

I don't know the answer to your last question, and it's an important question. If I was in your situation, I'd ask my T about that. In a general "What can/will you tell my parents without my permission?" kind of way. You need to know that anyway, I think. How can you talk about ANYTHING if you don't know where the information might go?

Beyond that..... I had exactly the conversation you're talking about with my T a year ago. Well, I'd never called him, told him I was about to kill myself, and got hospitalized. If I'd done that, I'm sure he'd have done the same thing, but I don't think that would have affected the conversation you're talking about much. Except that we probably would have had it THEN.

Anyway, I told him the truth and he believed me. Now, part of that conversation was him, telling me he wanted me to call him if I ever WAS planning on killing myself. I told him I wouldn't promise that, because I wouldn't lie to him. I told him if I ever wanted to kill myself, then he'd be one of the LAST people I'd call. Sorry. He wasn't happy about that, but he wanted the truth.... Anyway, I told him I didn't, at that moment, have a plan, but that those thoughts could be pretty relentless and I got sick of listening to them all the time. That that was actually the main thing that led me to contact him to begin with. (Yep, I was seeing him for several months before I actually told him the specific reason I decided to check out therapy.) He said that there IS a difference between thinking about suicide and actually being suicidal. But that both were to be taken seriously.

Beyond that, on the subject of suicidal ideation, he said that he thinks everything thing our brains come up with is, or was, adaptive in some way, at some time. It might not have been a great idea, even when it got started, but it had a purpose. He suggests it's best to learn, and to operate with the best, most up to date and accurate information we can. So, he recommended I look at the possible origins of that suicidal ideation, to see if maybe I could see where it started and how it might have been adaptive then. Then to see if maybe I needed to up date some information.

I thought he was nuts. Truly! But, mostly to humor him, I tried. And, I came up with something. Something weird and unexpected, but I think it was the origin of it , in my case. Now that I know that, and have given some thought to where the ideas came from. How they did, in a weird way, make sense at the time, but don't actually make sense, the thoughts don't come up nearly as often.

I'm sure there are multiple ways to approach this, so it's best you talk to your T. I'm guessing she gets that there's a difference between thinking about suicide and planning it.

 

[mytai]

Hey there @RaiseYourGlass. I'm not sure what the laws are like in your state, or based on your age, so what I'm saying is what I've found in my own experience.

I've talked with my T and my social worker both quite openly about suicide. They both know that I will be 100% honest with them about how serious my thoughts are, or I just won't provide an answer at all if asked (which is an answer of itself). I won't lie to them and downplay it, but if I don't want to tell them then I don't answer. I have seriously talked about suicide once with my T, to the point where she was concerned for my safety - rightfully so - and she called the police and sent them to my apartment. If she hadn't I would have attempted suicide that night, I ended up making an attempt the following evening but didn't contact her about it that time. Since then I have spoken to both my T and my social worker about my suicidal thoughts.

They don't report me, or attempt to hospitalize me. They know what to watch for with me, but also I let them know on a scale of 1 to 10 where my thoughts are at, and we also have a separate scale from 1 to 10 based on how serious I am about acting on those thoughts. So my suicidal thoughts can be at an 8, but I may be at a 4 for how serious I am about acting on them. Do you understand what I mean?

Before talking about it with your therapist, make sure to clarify with her about what she does and doesn't have to report.

Hope this helps.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I can't respond to the age questions either. That aside, I told my therapist about thoughts of suicide. I have no, for the most part, ever been suicidal. I was scared that just admitting I had the thoughts would get me sent to the hospital. Eventually, I had to tell though because the thoughts were causing me such worry that I thought I would become suicidal. My therapist was very good about helping me work through the thoughts and figuring out what they meant. She asked me to call her or a crisis line if I ever was thinking about actually committing suicide. I couldn't promise that because using the phone is hard enough on a good day, but I did promise to try. I think a lot of therapists understand the difference between having thoughts of suicide and actually being suicidal. I hope you are able to figure things out and able to talk to your therapist.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Suicidal ideation (SI) is a constant companion for many of those with multiple traumas. I don't like having to rely on meds, but I will say they have raised the floor on my moods so SI is less frequent, and responds better to the cognitive challenges to the thoughts.

It is very important to let our therapists know this is part of our journey. We can work with them to set up where we are as a measurable "baseline" to gauge our progress in therapy and our coping outside of therapy. When my SI goes up outside of therapy, I know I need to do more self care and let my therapist know that it is occurring so that in therapy, we can reinforce my internal felt sense of my resources, supporters, and true worth.

It is truly nothing to be ashamed or afraid of. Therapists are very used to discussing this. They know it's a part of the journey with PTSD.

In the US, therapists cannot force someone to get admitted against their will unless it can be proven they are a real threat to themselves or others. Even then, all too often they can't be admitted, even when they need to.

 

[Friday]

How to talk to your T?

Exactly what you said:

"I'm not feeling suicidal, but it's something I'd like to talk about with you, and I don't want my parents unnecessarily worried... So how do I go about talking with you about this when I'm not in crisis?"