Welcome, Jen to the Forum! Wow, you have a lot going on inside!! You will find compassion and understanding here, and support for whatever you decide.
It is a good place to write out your feelings, which absolutely can help release the 'pressure' that builds up inside as we keep going around and around in our heads, think and re-thinking the same things over and over again. It IS maddening to feel that we will always be 'this' way. I'm happy you are healing, and have not had anymore episodes!
Maybe by having the Forum, a place of safety for you to vent,may help you make a decision about therapy. It is definitely a possibility!
I do hope that feel that we really DO care, because we are all struggling in some way...not from the SAME causes, but certainly with a lot of the very similar frustration! Don't give up trying to find answers, and try to 'stay in the present' when you can. A nice day, a beautiful sunrise, or sunset, or listen to soothing music, or rock-n-roll!:singing:
Hopeful thoughts, blessings of peace & calm, and (((HUGS))) if acceptable! :hug:
'See' you around!! :)