Sufferer C-ptsd/emotional Stress Survivor New To Forum

[simpletruth]

Hi. Everything in my life is ok now. Except me.

15 years ago I was an intact person with integrity-mother of 3 and living life by my values. Innocent. So much bizarre relationship stuff happened - my husband to me; my husband to our kids; therapists; judges; lawyers.

The specifics are still overwhelming. I am much better than I was in the heat of all the traumas. Now it is in the past and I can realize that. At the time it was happening I knew the damage that would be done and tried to fix it - in vain. Now I am living with consequences and regret.

The abuse lasted 11 years; then we had a seeming break for a year before one son attempted suicide. I lost all my support focusing on his needs and no longer trust anyone. Though he was very depressed again 6 mos ago- he's ok and getting better everyday.

I'm alone and find no meaning for my life. On my time off work I do nothing but feel sad. Don't tell me I'm depressed or meds will fix this. It's not that simple or superficial.

Meds have contributed to the problems. Love to hear some truth- no platitudes or easy answers.

Peace to all of you out there from deep in my heart

 

[KP the nut]

Welcome to the forum.

I am so pleased you found us. Take your time looking around and especially read the threads on the home page.

Wishing you pesace
KP.

 

[Charmedone]

Hello and welcome.

 

[Irene4k]

Hi Simple Truth, life is so hard sometimes. I wonder how we get through it really.

I'm out the other side now many years later, and it is good to know that everything passes. It will for you too. However, don't let that take you away from what you have to learn about yourself and how these recent experiences can help you to grow as a person. Psychological abuse can bring us to our lowest point, even more than physical abuse. Women throughout the world have found the strength to use this as turning point. Remember you are an amazing woman and mother, you did not deserve abuse, and you have the strength to turn this into something great. Sad is fine, you have lost something; but you have amazing children too. You are the only person that you can change and make happy - give it your best shot. X

 

[RubyTaco]

Hi simple and welcome! I've found some great info & support in the short time I've been here. Hope you do, too!

 

[Peggy]

I am new to this forum too....just got done crying for an hour debating trying to pull myself up before going home to my family and putting on a happy face.

I have gotten through many days just trying to look at that one day and not past it or behind it. It is very hard to stay "incapsulated" but through the worst days it may get you through until enough time passes and the pain dulls. I think trying times are a lot like just trying to figure out ways for time to pass and the pain to heal from a sharp stab to a kind of numbness.

You sound like me, dependable, a rock of stability, always there pulling everyone together. Now you realize you can't prop up the world on your own power anymore and there are some things that just aren't fixable. Its a very helpless and despondent feeling.

I never use to be a religious person, and let me tell you I stink at it. But something that has helped me is quite prayers of "Lord, please give me peace with what has happened," and believe it or not it works (and I'm a pessimist). If it's not your thing and a short five minute meditation may be up your ally, look into it.

Sometimes I think as women we are overburdened and just burn out to the point there is nothing left for us when we reach for it.

I started exercising (and I DON'T exercise) because I heard endorphins would help- wasn't believing it, it was bull- but that helped some too. Found out endorphins actually have the same structure as morphine- turns out it if you want a dose of painkiller, go walking with your ipod-this helps when you feel panic attacks too.

I think the most important thing is don't give up on yourself....try to look at things day to day and no further...don't do it...you'll lose. Believe it or not this technique is used by soldiers who are captured or tortured...they are told to look at things from small intervals and how to get through them (15 minute intervals, hour intervals, or day intervals...). It helps pull you together for a little while till the emotions run down, and the bitterness ebbs.

I beg you, anytime you feel like you are unraveling....look at it as 15 minutes of emotion that will pass. Everything emotionally dies down after 15 minutes....I swear. Try taking a shower during this time, as if to "wash" pain away and let you calm down and get your perspective back.

I hope the best for you, and remember...YOU ARE NOT ALONE...EVER. Hop on and chat, get it out of your system, and just look at the one day you are in only, and not beyond it until you are able to cope better.

Sincerely,

Peggy

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome. :)

 

[zbztster]

SimpleTruth, Just know that there are people here who care. Many of us are or have been suffering, we are all on a journey. I hope that you find support and strength within these pages and that your path becomes more clear everyday. Thank you for being here. I wish you the best.

 

[anthony]

Welcome to the forum.