Childhood Can’t help portraying everything onto my child....

[Scott88]

struggling soooo badly with my child around their dad, I know he wouldn’t hurt them and he loves them so much he is a great great dad. But I am so struggling to trust that even though I know he wouldn’t hurt them, it brings back so many emotions, including so much anger and disgust and unease when he is around them, when he is playing with them, when he is changing their nappy, I really can’t handle it, I can’t let him bath her on his own, I can’t leave them over night with him without me there, I can’t handle them running upto him to cuddle him when they are the same height as his crotch... I can’t... and it triggers me so fricking badly. I can’t handle walking past any girl children/teenagers without getting triggered and angry towards him that ‘he wants to abuse them’ I know he doesn’t. But that’s all I think about, that’s all I can think, it just takes me back. I just want it to stop, it’s not fair on him or our child. I can’t live like this forever. I can’t handle my child around ANY MEN not even their dad and i can’t tske it any more

 

[somerandomguy]

Are you in therapy?
What does your child's dad think about you constantly being worried that he's going to abuse his child?

 

[Suzetig]

I think having children is one of the most triggering things - It’s very hard to separate out what’s actually happening from what’s gone before.

You do need to figure it out though because your children need and deserve to have a good relationship with their dad. Things that i find helpful include:-

- really being clear about the differences. How is their dad different from yours, name every single difference you can think of - looks, height, things he enjoys doing etc etc
- when you see them playing etc really note how much fun your kids are having, how happy they are to see him, how much laughter etc
- when you leave them with him, leave him to bath them etc take yourself off to do something nurturing for you and remind yourself that they are safe with him
- take yourself into therapy and really talk this through with someone who isn’t involved in the situation

It’s hard going but you do need to let him care for his children.

 

[Scott88]

Are you in therapy?
What does your child's dad think about you constantly being worried that he's...

Yes I’m in therapy, and he knows it is very hard for me. And he doesn’t verbalise much to me about how it’s making him feel. I think this is because he knows how much it’s been affecting me recently and how shit place I’ve been in...

I think having children is one of the most triggering things - It’s very hard to separate out what’...

It has been so triggering this last two years since my child was born. I didn’t want motherhood to be like this, but it’s horrendously triggering...

I know they deserve a good relationship with their dad but I just can’t handle it and I don’t know how to get rid of these feelings and thoughts and images.

 

[Suzetig]

I didn’t want motherhood to be like this, but it’s horrendously triggering...

I so feel your pain - I have very different triggers to you around children but motherhood has been so much harder than I thought it would be, entirely because my triggered reactions to things my kids do. I think the first thing is to do what you’re doing here - recognise it as a trigger for you rather than being something grounded in the here and now.

It helped me to think about other triggering situations that I’m now able to cope with even just to reassure myself there’s a way through it. I can now mostly identify that my reaction comes from a place of being triggered - even if I really struggle still to manage the emotions around it. It’s a very hard place to be.

 

[sprout]

struggling soooo badly with my child around their dad, I know he wouldn’t hurt them and he loves them...

Men around children is a huge trigger for me too. I can't help but be suspicious and worried about what's going on. You are so strong and brave for dealing with this and trying to provide the best life you can for you and your family! Hope your therapist can help you through this :hug:

 

[Bristol]

Im currently pregnant with my first and your post could have been written by me and all the things im totally terrified about feeling. I have nothing to add that would be of any use but i can completely understand why you feel that way, i really hope T can help you to find a way to deal with it all

 

[Scott88]

I so feel your pain - I have very different triggers to you around children but motherhood has been so...

It’s such an awful awful thing, getting triggered by our kids it absolutely kills me... I just want it all to go away, it all came back with a vengeance since my child was born.

Men around children is a huge trigger for me too. I can't help but be suspicious and worried about what'...

I am constantly on edge.. I do want the best life for my kids, but I don’t want to feel like this.

Im currently pregnant with my first and your post could have been written by me and all the things im t...

Try not to get yourself worked up and stressing while yo

 

[Mach123]

Put me back to sleep, make me numb again, I can't take it either. I suffered so badly from this when my kids were little. I always used to think about Sigourney Weaver in "the alien." The little kid goes "you told me there were no monsters and they weren't real, but they are." This morning, you picked a good one for me. It's what I'm thinking or how I'm feeling. There's no way out of it. You do go through it. Those same feelings go onto other things though. It's a pattern. It's everywhere you look. This morning I feel like going back to the shrink and back on Klonopin. Lol. Back then I was so overprotective. It's just as bad. Nobody knew what was wrong with me. It looked like so many other things before I was diagnosed. I wish I could offer you some advice. It's really humid here and hot and cloudy and it's going to pour. Just talk about the weather. : )

 

[hithere]

I had similar issues and my children were triggers at many points for many different things. Recognizing it as a trigger, and then really using the moment of emotions that I feel in the current and really attach them to the past. Put the feelings and fears and emotions together with the original trauma and stay focused on that helped to separate past and present. It's what pushed me to really get healed as it is not healthy for my children to have a mom or dad on hyper vigilance and over protective and not "connecting" with the here and now. I'm really sorry you feel this way and I can totally relate! I learned a long time ago that telling myselfl "I can't deal with this" does not help. I had to learn to say to myself, "I have these bad feeling and thoughts, but I deal with them. I can deal with the truth. I can deal with this in a calm manner and I can focus on the present"

I have just started using affirmations and declarations again and they do work. My career is sales and the numbers prove it when I use declarations, it really works. It's like that with this PTSD and all the gross shit I have to deal with. Declaring that things are the way I want them to be, even though they are currently not is a powerful tool. I tell myself, "I am happy. I love my life" I may feel like shit and hate my life, but the declarations of what I want to see really do work and I start changing, and rapidly. "I can deal with this." Sorry if I have too much advice. Take care.

 

[Scott88]

Put me back to sleep, make me numb again, I can't take it either. I suffered so badly from this when m...

Monsters are real and I still get scared of them now. I am terrified that you say there is no way out, I can’t live like this for ever, I just can’t. Has it not got any easier for you, does it not go away,? I’m in therapy at the minute he said he can help me... I don’t see how these thoughts feelings and memories will ever go away... but I NEED them too.

I had similar issues and my children were triggers at many points for many different things. Recognizin...

I know it can’t be healthy for the children but I really can’t help it and it makes e feel so disgusting and awful and ashamed how much it triggers me.. I wish I could get to a stage where I say to myself I CAN deal with this/them but I just can’t see it... I really can’t. I guess I should try the declarations I can’t see it working for me, I guess it takes a while. I’m not in a good place I didn’t expect my first few years of motherhood to be like this, I feel so sorry for my child

 

[Mach123]

Yeah it gets easier and no. I'm in a better mood than I was when I wrote that. Still the stuff you said was real that's how it is. I'm 5 years into therapy. I'm better but IDK I went through some real hard stuff. It's hard for me to say what it would or could have been like if I had known sooner. I hope so. I hope you'll avoid a lot of the things I did and we went through as a family. Can't go back and fix anything now. It was hard on everyone. If it gets easier or not, the time goes by so fast. You just do your best.