Can A Trauma T Help This?

[8888]

At this point I feel like I need my abuser to function. Though he causes me great distress I still need him because he meets some of my basic needs. Also I'm afraid of change. Is this normal for trauma? Is this something for a trauma therapist or better for another kind of therapist? I also have OCD and high functioning autism and not sure if this could be more related to that.

 

[J'qel]

Does he meet your basic needs or could someone else in a similar situation? That's something you need to think about and find out first.

That will decide where you're at and where you can go from here.

 

[8888]

Thank you @J'qel, I'm not sure.

 

[J'qel]

I'd suggest looking at it as if someone else was filling the role. Imagine it-does it make you anxious? How does that idea make you feel?

 

[J'qel]

I asked you to really think about this, because anyone you talk to will ask you the same.

It's to establish whether you're in a healthy or unhealthy situation.

Given that you have other issues, depending on others for basic activities isn't that unusual. They're there to help you live normally. So yes, you will feel dependent on them, that's just you identifying with your own frustration with your disabilities.

If, instead, you feel like you couldn't live without *him*-then that's a problem.

If you can live with another caregiver and you believe the distress he causes is unreasonable, you can certainly talk to your caseworker or a therapist to find out what your boundaries are and if he's unreasonably trespassed. Checking your pills? Invasive-but if you're absent minded, it's keeping your best interests in mind (and I'm sure you can expand on that).

Censoring your phonecalls, calling you names? No, not okay.

If you have someone who is more familiar with you and your needs, I would suggest bringing it up with them, if for no other reason than to air it out and smooth any rough feelings that may be flittering around. If you're not sure they can also give you a better opinion of what a caregiver or supporter should be doing in your specific case and what is unacceptable.

I hope I've been able to help give some clarity.

 

[8888]

Thank you again J'qel. I realize I think I worded my first post very poorly, my abuser is dead, I'm just hanging on to him to meet basic emotional needs. I live with my parents and we get along well I'm just sort of stuck on my abuser.

 

[J'qel]

Oh!

Hm...

That is definitely a therapist issue then :P

Trauma therapist? I'm not sure, depends on what you mean by meeting your emotional needs and "hanging on".

 

[8888]

Thank you, yeah just trying to figure out what kind of therapist would be best, as I don't have one at the moment and would like to try to pick one that can best serve me.

 

[8888]

Had an excellent conversation with my psychiatrist today. Apparently I'm codependent on my mother so I feel I need my abuser so I can have my mother with me more because she comforts me when I'm symptomatic. At least I've got a name for it now. To answer my own question I guess it's not a trauma t for that.

 

[J'qel]

I was wondering if you might be codep. It happens a lot in folks who have dealt with trauma-they make a person a safety line and it just grows from there. I didn't want to suggest it until you had spoken to someone though.

It sounds like you're on the right track to identifying and working on it-many congratulations, and may the progress continue :)

 

[8888]

Thank you!