Relationship Can I Ask You Guys A Question?

[Love MyHusband]

So, my husband's therapist told him that when I say something to him and he doesn't respond at all that that is totally appropriate.. And I need to be understanding that he doesn't always know what to say. Well, when silence is his "response" when I am voicing my feelings or concerns it really just hurts me. Is this something I need to just get over? Should I stop telling him how I feel because of this? Is this something that he will be working through in therapy? I don't even know what to think about this. She also gave him the advice to mimic me in my tone when he thinks I am criticizing me to see how I react/feel about it. I don't suspect that will end well. Anyone else have any experience with these techniques??

 

[Recovery4Me]

Personally, I would request the T to offer you a name of the methodology or type of Therapy that she is presenting. As well, I would bring those questions to her and ask if you understand her correctly as to is this 'actually' what she is encouraging?

She also gave him the advice to mimic me in my tone when he thinks I am criticizing me to see how I react/feel about it.

On face value of what you are describing, she appears to be teaching passive-aggressive techniques when you offered he doesnot have to respond and a possible form of mocking or bullying with the above quote. Is she a qualified Trauma Therapist and has she been in practice long? Is she married? Is there verbal abuse at home? Perhaps ask her, why she is not teaching x,y and z strategies, healthy forms of boundaries, and how to ask for clarification on what was heard techniques.

This is very uncomfortable to hear for me concerning a professional. Stay strong, confident and walk away politely to show boundaries, if the mimicking starts & turns ugly until your next session with obtaining clarity. Remember "how" he returns a sentence is 'his' filter not always your delivery or intent. Do not personalize ugly responses or feel shamed by his take. Try to just understand what he sees in the moment and let it go until next session. (((hugs))) if you accept.

 

[Love MyHusband]

Personally, I would request the T to offer you a name of the methodology or type of Therapy that she...

I think need to clarify, my husband came home yesterday from therapy and those methods are what his therapist told him to tell me. I have never met her myself. This was his second session.

I believe he told me she had "veterans" listed on her profile online with our insurance company, but I'm not sure how experienced she is.

Her advice just doesn't seem right to me at all.

 

[PtsdEdu]

As you described the therapists, and taking your description as accurate and that there is bit a misunderstanding -- something lost in translation, then I would get a new therapists. I am sorry to be blunt but I have C-TR-PTSD and I have been in therapy for over a decade and never received such advice, nor would I accept it neither would my incredibly supportive wife.

 

[Bookoffee]

I am going through something similar, but it is the other way around. I am the one that has a difficult time talking with my wife. She will say something to me and when I stay quiet she will tell me that it is now my turn to talk.

My reasoning for not talking is I am fearful of saying the wrong thing and causing a blow out, but staying quiet also causes a blow out. I feel as though it is a double end sword for me. My other reasoning is that I will freeze and my mind goes completely blank and I cannot figure out what to say. When this is happening and she is yelling at me to say something, I stutter and shake uncontrollably. I physically feel as though if I do not say something quick, my life will end or I will be homeless. I forget who I am, who she is and where we are in the present moment. I am completely lost and fearful.

 

[Love MyHusband]

As you described the therapists, and taking your description as accurate and that there is bit a misunde...

I've been in therapy in the past myself for anxiety, so I'm aware of the kind of "homework" they give and this definitely doesn't seem right to me.

I would love to encourage him to see a new therapist, but how should I approach that? Obviously he doesn't seem to find anything wrong with what she told him to do. And the advice is against me, so it might seem like I'm just against her because she is picking on me in a way? Know what I mean? Should I wait on him to figure it out on his own? Or maybe wait until I actually meet her?

 

[Recovery4Me]

wait until I actually meet her?

Have it scheduled immediately and then ask. It could very well be 'his' misunderstanding. I pray so at least.

 

[PtsdEdu]

I've been in therapy in the past myself for anxiety, so I'm aware of the kind of "homework" they...

It will not be easy but mimicry is abusive behavior. There are no two ways about it. I know I have been difficult at times with therapists and my wife.

Some of the best advice I received was for her and I to set aside 30 minutes at the end of the day to discuss the day. What we thought we did well and what we needed to improve tomorrow.

I do not know you or your husband so I hate to give advice but for me wife asking me if we could get a second opinion on some advice it worked for me.

My heart goes out to you and your husband. Bad advice is in abundance and it is hard to find the right person. #keep trying.

 

[Love MyHusband]

I am going through something similar, but it is the other way around. I am the one that has a difficul...

I can understand that.

But H is silent during regular conversations. Not confrontational at all. I don't get upset when he doesn't respond. I don't say anything at all anymore. Inside I am sad about it though. Especially when I am expressing my feelings to him and I get no response, no validation.. Nothing. It's another mark making me feel like we have no connection.

He says he's just numb so when I get emotional he can't respond because he doesn't understand the feelings.

 

[Love MyHusband]

Have it scheduled immediately and then ask. It could very well be 'his' misunderstanding. I pray so...

Great idea.. Thank you!

 

[Love MyHusband]

It will not be easy but mimicry is abusive behavior. There are no two ways about it. I know I have been...

I can't stand when people mimic me. That's why I just can see myself getting upset rather than it proving any kind of point.

About setting aside 30 mins.. I actually have a journal app that asks those

 

[Bookoffee]

He says he's just numb so when I get emotional he can't respond because he doesn't understand the feelings.

I am the same why with my wife as your husband is to you and my wife has the same concerns, feelings and frustrations as you.

I also do not understand what I am feeling or how to explain them.

A little off the subject but the song 'Back in your Head' just started to play by Tegan and Sara