Can I Ask?

[nao]

I am not sure if I want/need a therapist. I dont know if I can talk to someone about it. I can't even write about what happened. Less even talk about it. I do think though if I got to know the person, I might feel a bit better.

 

[Hashi]

Hi nao,

There can be a difference between wanting and needing! I'm not being flippant, I think it's good to consider how much a reluctance to start therapy might be due to a natural and understandable wish that we didn't have to do it. In what ways might you not need to? Do you have other ways to process what happened and live the kind of life you want to?

I think it's helpful to think about therapy as more than talking about traumatic experiences. It's also about helping us develop our ability to cope and function, to get stronger and more stable, to have more awareness of ourselves, to have more understanding and compassion for ourselves, and to manage relationships better. Personally, I think the initial stages of therapy should be focussing only on some of those things anyway. I think we need to first establish ways to cope and stay stable, because those skills will help us to do trauma work later, when we've built up some trust with our therapists.

Also, bear in mind that there are different types of therapy. What's best for one person right now might be different from what another person needs. Some people want to use very direct approaches like cognitive behavioural therapy/exposure therapy, some EMDR, some much more general talk-based therapy, some faith-based therapy etc. How quickly you start talking about what happened, and how you approach that, depends partly on the therapist and the approach you choose.

I think probably most of us have struggled with the idea of having to talk to someone about what happened. If you see a therapist who's qualified and experienced in working with trauma survivors and PTSD, which I think is important, then they should understand how difficult it is and work with you to help you do that. We do have to push ourselves, but we don't have to start talking the moment we walk in the door (unless we want to).

 

[safenow]

Nao, when I went into therapy as an adult, I didn't go to talk about the bad stuff. I went to find ways to cope. To live with the aftermath of what happened. When they ask me to talk about it, I always said no. But that really didn't help me.

I agree with Hashi in all she said.

 

[nao]

Yeah, that is pretty much what I basically thought. I really cant even tell the people I know. Someone had just told me to think about it

 

[Britt.f7]

Nao, I prefer to talk to a therapist about my issues then a friend or family member. I don't have to worry about bias(hopefully), judgement(another hopefully), or hurting anyone's feelings. I can, for the most part say what I want. That doesn't mean that I do, but it's reassuring to know that I can. A good therapist will help you walk through by guiding you. Not taking over, but helping you find your own way. At least that is what I believe.

I've been in and out of therapy. Sometimes I feel I need it, sometimes I feel I don't. It has helped me get through some rough patches. One therapist I had preferred to talk about the here and now and dealing with that instead of the past. By that time I had had enough of my past, so that worked out great. My recent therapist was compassionate and knew about chronic illnesses, but I wasn't feeling that I was getting anywhere with her. I felt somewhat guilty but I am changing to a different therapist, starts tomorrow. You need to mesh and feel comfortable with whoever you see.

Now I may tell her the basics about my trauma throughout my life but I'll do it very matter of factually as that is how I prefer. Tomorrow is the beginning of the getting to know you stage. I hate the idea of starting over again, but it's better to do that then to continue in a therapy relationship that is not beneficial to you. It is, after all, what is important.

Good luck in whatever you decide.