Can Ptsd Hurt Your Chances In Court For Protecting Yourself And Kids (i.e. Gaining Custody)

[Viciousrose]

I recently found out that I have C-PTSD due to an abusive wife (loss of kids etc. very long story of loss) and I was wondering would it negatively affect me in gaining a CPO for my kids as well as custody from her. Should I just keep quiet about it? or what?

Also due to this I am unable to work or at least find a job that I can do that does not cause my triggers or at least has it at a minimal, or even be able to go to school for much of anything

Mostly due to the area I live in, They do not like hearing people claim to have PTSD if they are not military and also they are pretty bad with the sexism. I am just looking for some advice on this since it is mostly new to me and I do not want my kids to have to go thorugh what I have already been thorugh.

 

[Lucycat]

Are the children already with you or are you fighting to get them back from your wife?

I am asking as it will depend on how the court views your parenting ability. If you have not already proved yourself they could have negative views of your mental health. If you have already shown what a brilliant single father you are, then I could not see the harm in you stating that you have achieved this despite PTSD, ie you have worked harder than most to achieve this.

If you are using a lawyer then I would seek their professional advice before doing anything you might regret.

 

[Friday]

Could PTSD hurt your chances? Of course it could. Or it could help. Or be a non-issue. The only way to know which it is likely to be? Is to speak to an attorney who practices family law in your area.

Lawyer. Really. Can't say it enough.

Lawyer. Lawyer. Lawyer. Lawyer. :D

It's always a crap shoot when dealing with courts... But at the very least an attorney knows both the rules of the game, and how it's played in your area.

 

[Viciousrose]

@Lucycat

The mother ran away with them. and is currently refusing to appear for any of the court hearings and is even having her friends go after me in all this, she has removed our oldest from school and refuses to allow her to go to school at all. Before she disappeared with them it was I who put the effort into getting my oldest little girl into school in the first place even if it was just an online school (k12) I was dealing with the CPTSD at that time as well I just had never went to a doctor for it. and at the time I was also going to two different colleges as well, so I had my own schooling I was doing while making sure that she was at least in school

 

[Riot]

Uh, well if you can prove the stuff she's doing with the kids, then it'd probably severely increase your chances of getting custody. Courts really despise parents who willfully neglect their children to spite their spouse. Even still, document everything you can and lawyer up.

 

[joeylittle]

I recently found out that I have C-PTSD due to an abusive wife (loss of kids etc. very long story of loss) and I was wondering would it negatively affect me in gaining a CPO for my kids as well as custody from her. Should I just keep quiet about it? or what?

So, lawyer. But my guess is, they will tell you not to use it. cPTSD is not recognized as a diagnosis in the current DSM, so I don't think that's how it could be listed to be recognized by the court. And if part of the rationale for your diagnosis is your wife taking the kids, that's actually not likely to play in your favor, either. It reads as "my ex took the kids and I became mentally ill because of it, please give my kids back". You will have a stronger case (in my opinion) being the non-abusive parent...and even that is often not considered relevant by the courts. Completely awful, but also true.

Custody is complicated. You want a very good lawyer, you want to help them put together whatever case they can. But - even if cPTSD were an accepted diagnosis in the US - the symptom list (I think) gives too much ammunition to the other side. I think the only story you want to tell about it is that you are under medical care and taking all the steps you need in order to put it into remission.

You also need to ask yourself if you are in a place to be the custodial parent right now, and if you are being motivated by trying to do what's right for the children, or trying to do what you think will make you feel better.

 

[Viciousrose]

So, lawyer. But my guess is, they will tell you not to use it. cPTSD is not recognized as a diagno...

No my reasoning is not that I got ptsd from my wife running off with my kids (which is illegal, and is being handled) the reasoning behind it is the abuse she has caused I.E. intentional miscarriages, the loss of my son, physical, mental, and emotional abuse as well as her killing my dogs, and having her friends attack me at different times.

If C-PTSD is not an accepted diagnosis then it would not be a diagnosis so there is that. It is still the same as PTSD just with the "C" standing for "complex" due to multiple stressors.

and thank you for the little put down there seeing as how I already said I was the one taking care of them in the first place. Nice to see that selective reading makes my question about my kids all about me making myself feel better. If you feel insulted by this then I do apologize for having PTSD and on behalf of anyone who also has it. Thank you for your support Admin

 

[Casey_03]

I think that if you have documented this abuse of hers, you should be fine. BUT on the flipside of that, I have a feeling they will ask you why you didn't report any of the abuse earlier (if you did not in fact report her killing dogs and causing herself miscarriages, etc ... though perhaps maybe you did?)

Also, I don't really see how informing them of the c-PTSD diagnosis could help. I see how it could hurt, but I don't really see any advantages to telling them.

 

[Viciousrose]

For the recent things I did, but as I put in my post I live in an area that is very sexsist so when I did make the report I got ignored by the police ( I am trying to find ways on getting that handled like reporting them.) There view is that (as they told me) it is impossible for a woman to abuse a man. That is in itself a different situation. For the older stuff I was always taught that "you keep your mouth shut" about that stuff and I did not know the things I know now. I was with her since I was 15 so of course I did not know "any better". I know not a very good reason but that is the answer since in the past not much effort was put into teaching people about abuse and things like that, and being Isolated from people in general (friends and family etc.) doesn't exactly get alot of info or help either.
---------------------------------------------------
That was what I was thinking that it might be more harmful than good and so was why I am asking. As for "IF" it gave any help at all was to show the emotional distress it has caused and that if I got PTSD from being with her just what would happen if the kids remained with her especially with how young they are. she has already proven to the court that she has no intention of making an appearance (she told them she does not need to listen to a judge or follow court orders)

 

[Casey_03]

if I got PTSD from being with her just what would happen if the kids remained with her especially with how young they are. she has already proven to the court that she has no intention of making an appearance (she told them she does not need to listen to a judge or follow court orders)

If you can show that she has a history of being abusive, that should be enough to let the court know she could cause damage to the kids without sharing the c-PTSD diagnosis. The c-PTSD diagnosis would show she caused you emotional distress, but it's also a very abstract example of what her abuse has done. It seems like it would be better to just frame her abuse very matter-of-factly and tell them what you have documented.

If she has failed to show up to court and told them she doesn't intend to listen, and kidnapped the kids, I think she's sort of dug her own grave. As far as I know, that's a sure-fire way for her to lose any custody battle.

Just out of curiosity, can I ask for more details on how she killed your dogs and caused herself miscarriages? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I just found myself wanting more details to see if she is downright malicious or just really screwed up.

 

[Silver.]

I went through divorce a few years ago. Our custody hearing was separate. The court was more interested in the parenting of our daughter, rather than my ptsd. Because I was able to prove that I was more of a proper parent (appointments, education, actually being there etc), sole custody was given to me. More and more courts want to do shared custody, co-parenting for the sake of the child. But, if there is proof that one parent is not capable of keeping the needs of the child first, then they will specify a specific custody. (proof the children are not in school, proof of any poor parenting such as neglect, is going to be your best ally)
If she doesn't show up for the custody hearing, they (should) see that as lack of interest in putting the child first, added with proof of neglect and it (should) be a decision in your favor. Best of luck to you.

edited: I didn't have a lawyer, I think it would have made a huge difference as to helping my daughter have a voice in court, so what she wanted could be heard.
@intothelight said it perfectly, that the courts aren't too interested in the dynamic between the children's mother and you. People can have downright horrible relationships with others and it mightn't affect their parenting. Focusing on the children's needs and how she is failing to meet them, should be your priority.

 

[intothelight]

@Viciousrose

Do you have a lawyer? Have you reported her to CPS as many times children are only allowed a certain number of absences before they are withdrawn or required to repeat a grade? Judges do not like people who do not appear or follow court orders and has a contempt charge been filed? Many times a bench warrant can be issued and she can be picked up for failure to appear, but again your attorney should be spearheading this effort.

A suggestion from personal experience....focus only on what is best for your children. Don't bring up what she did to you and how it "could" happen with the kids, as frankly most judges don't care and only deal with the facts concerning parenting. But honestly, there it will boil down to who has the best lawyer and makes the best case regardless.