Can You Talk About Your Trauma?

[Marlene]

I was definately a 'reporter'.....now, I tremble, jerk, choke and generally have all kinds of uncomfortable bodily reactions when I try to talk about it........it's awful.

Yeah, I was a reporter, too. The first time I told someone other than my husband what had happened to me this person was shocked. I think they were more surprised by my calm telling than by what happened to me.

Now I sometimes tremble so badly that I can't sit still. I choke up and literally can't speak. I've wanted to talk to my therapist about something before and was physically unable to and I ended up writing it down in a letter and sending it to him so he could speak to me about it. Talking about my traumas over and over has made it easier to do. Easier...never easy. I can talk around it and use euphemisms about it. Being honest and using correct language to describe what happened...still so tough.

Lisa

 

[BrownEyes]

Huge thanks to everyone who responded. Your comments have been so helpful to me and to know that others experience the same things makes me feel better. Some of the suggestions are very helpful and I will definitely try them.

The term "reporting" is interesting. It really describes how I relate my trauma. Just like a weather report. I didn't realize that there was even a term for it. On the outside I'm so calm and "matter of fact", but on the inside I too am screaming to get my emotions out.

Thanks again to each of you.

 

[cec]

"I felt that I caused it and was to blame, and therefore I had no right to want to talk about it now. The voice in my head kept saying "Who are you to want to discuss what happened? ... How dare you feel sorry for yourself."

Again, sorry brown eyes for my above post. I've been struggling with what to write. You described my experience better than I ever could for I have always blamed myself for what happened and never felt I deserved better, or that anyone should listen. I can't remember most of my years of abuse and this makes it even harder to talk about because it feels so surreal like it was someone else that went through it.

Thank you for your post,

cec

 

[pianogirl]

See, I have full memory of the physical abuse of my childhood. I don't have much difficulty talking about it. There was some sexual abuse stuff that happened when I was a child and later when I was an adult, but I rarely talk about it. I've written many poems and stories (fiction) based on these experiences, but I really don't discuss details with people.

I had a bad therapy experience when I first started having symptoms of PTSD, especially of the CSA stuff. Many of the things were (and still are) foggy and I was getting flooded with body memories. After two years of constantly dealing with the body memories, of still not having no clear memories and my T not really being convinced of me being CSA'd, I gave up talking about it.

I have a hard time talking about the CSA for the simple fact that it's foggy. I'm more ashamed of the body memories than of the rudimentary memories of the incidents that I have now.

I will say that writing about it, whether it was telling the actual story or writing it as fiction or poetry did help me get it out of my system for the time being.

With healing,

pianogirl

 

[2quilt]

If you cant talk about it, and it's safe to do so, write about it. Write here on this forum in a private diary, where this forum only allows specific people to read it, (you have levels you can choose) or write it by hand in a journal.
But, either way you do it,
get it out of yourself.
You did nothing wrong and you did not deserve the abuse!
And you can't leave it in the past when it is affecting your present life.
Yes, you may have a nice life now, and no, you are not starving in the slums of Mumbai right now, but that does not mean that your pain is any less, and it does not mean that you do not deserve to heal. You deserve to heal. It is a journey.
If you have trouble speaking about it, write it out. Nobody is going to check your spelling or take away your dessert if you end a sentence with a preposition. There are certain rules on this forum about threatening suicide and titling your posts, etc., but your diary or journal is all yours.

 

[brandie301]

Yes, it's very hard for me to talk about my tramua. I've been in therapy for over 8 years and whenever we get close to the main problems of my PTSD, I freeze and my body makes other tramua issues happen to where my therapist has to stop and address them before we can continue. This has been going on since I started therapy. I just cannot face what has happened to me.

 

[cec]

2Qult

If you use the diaries on this site, can you delete it later on if you want to? I have often thought about using them, but too afraid to leave things on the Internet or on paper for that matter.

cec

 

[2quilt]

That's a good question for Anthony. I think there are three levels of diary (or posting in general) on this website: one only read by a mental health provider and Anthony, a second level by only the small group of us approved by Anthony, and the third is open to anyone whether the reader is a member of this forum or not (public). I know that Anthony has deleted posts in the past for different reasons, but I don't think we members have the ability to delete our own old posts. I will ask Anthony to take a look at this thread and respond.

 

[Deleted member 541]

cec,

No, we can not delete anything that we post after a certain amount of time. I think it's 3 minutes. It's permanent.. Anthony and Nicolette (I think) are the only ones that can delete, and they usually don't unless it has nothing to do with a thread, or there is an attack going on. They limit what they delete.

It can be a bit scary starting a diary, but it also helps. Fine line there, that most of us have crossed.

 

[cat]

Yes, it's very hard for me to talk about my tramua. I've been in therapy for over 8 years and whenever we get close to the main problems of my PTSD, I freeze and my body makes other tramua issues happen to where my therapist has to stop and address them before we can continue. This has been going on since I started therapy. I just cannot face what has happened to me.

Hi brandie

Sorry to hear that you haven't benefited from therapy. I must admit its the hardest thing I've ever had to do but I'm now doing EMDR therapy & although it's difficult it is very controlled & I have found it far easier to face my trauma this way than talking about it.

Cat

 

[anthony]

If you use the diaries on this site, can you delete it later on if you want to?

No, you cannot delete content. If you begin a diary in one section and change your mind that you no longer want it viewed, it can be moved to a more private section, ie. Private Trauma forum so only you or I could review it. Your diary can be moved as and when you request such a change in writing through PM to myself. Only I can do such things with diaries, no other editors have the access for obvious reasons.

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[2quilt]

Several several members have diaries here and, yes, it is a leap of faith and trust to write down you personal stuff. But you coul always start a diary with casual, vague things and see how you feel. You have total control over what you write.