Watching a true crime documentary where the victim was in basically your exact situation is so surreal. Ever get to see your trauma from the outside?

[Sweetleaf]

I was watching this true crime documentary, and the victim in it basically had the exact same stuff done to her as what happened to me. Like, utterly uncannily similar. She even got away similarly, I just didn't have the luck of help from law enforcement falling into my lap.

So I was watching it kinda feeling less alone in what happened, knowing how she felt in the bodycam footage, knowing why she was acting how she was acting, seeing in her myself the way I was literally right after the trauma was over. Like, I definitely was talking and acting the way she was in that footage. It was so surreal.

Then at the end of the documentary they said the perpetrator was given a life sentence plus 25 years, and I kinda sat there like.... oh, shit, it, what was done to me, was actually was that bad of a thing

I forget all the charges but the same shit was done to me. Plus I realized what happened near the end was kidnapping. I mean, I was literally forcibly taken and was being held captive against my will in damn near exactly the way she was. Yet somehow it never entered my mind "oh yeah that's kidnapping. I was f*cking kidnapped. Kidnapped raped and tortured"

Like, how the f*ck do you sit there like EIGHT years later and go "OHHHHH, that was kidnapping" *slaps forehead* even though it's plain as day. Oh yeah, that's 8 years later to the very day by the way, happy anniversary to me lmao, what irony. 8 years ago right now at this specific hour I was in the middle of having a Very Not Good Time

That happened to me for the torture part too, but that was years ago, maybe like a year after it ended or something. I realized "oh, I was tortured" even though it's plain as day what happened, thankfully in therapy lol

Seeing that documentary though, wow, what a mindf*ck

Anyway, have any of you had similar experiences, getting to see what is more or less your own trauma from the outside?

Did you glean anything like I did? Did you feel like you were able to see your own trauma more clearly due to the detachedness of seeing someone else go through it instead?

I mean, I have more clarity on what happened to me now, and yet there's always that pervasive "nobody will believe you" and "it wasn't as bad as it was" sort of stuff

Not to mention it kinda sucked to see the guy get life plus 25 when the guy who did the same thing to me is out walking free right now

 

[ScottParker]

I haven't seen it yet. Thanks for sharing. I will watch it whenever I got time.

 

[Evie loves Sam]

I saw a movie on 'gaslighting' - a documentary -and I empathised with how she was feeling. I think films are powerful ways to make sense of life and get messages and stories out for understanding and change. But I find the news triggering so I have to be careful what I watch. Good on you for being able to watch it and come to a realisation for yourself. It sounds like it helped you to unpick what you went through and find words to describe it. Sorry, you went through that trauma in the first place though. It really does sound terrifying. I wish he got the same outcome, sadly, they almost all of the time get off with very little justice for us.

 

[FFnerd]

I had a similar reaction to watching a playthrough of a game called The Kidnapping by chilla's art - I was instantly taken back to my childhood and lost control of my emotions, was weird for me because i love watching horror game playthroughs, but that one has such an accurate depiction of my childhood, complete with my mom walking out periodically and expecting me and my siblings to figure it out while my dad tries to find her. The voice acting scares me.
But it was kind of a first moment of seeing - "oh shit, yeah that's a child. I was a child. None of that should've happened."
I still can't (without crying) talk about the scene of the daughter saving her test results for when their mom finally comes back because it might make the mom "love her again" and stay.