Cancelled- life happens right?

[Punky143]

Pouring rain, dark sky and every ounce of me did not want to go to work. Even knowing it's only half a day. But I did. And now my T cancelled. Not her fault. But for me, I'm even more depressed and hopeless. I wanted to talk about the meeting tomorrow that I have to sit thru with other parents of the kids who were sexually assaulted. Yup. I'm done. I have no clue how to go in anymore. I'm useless. I can't be more specific cause I gotta go to work but what's the point? No one knows I'm even there. Thoughts and opinions aren't wanted.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Pouring rain, dark sky and every ounce of me did not want to go to work. Even knowing it's only half a...

I am sorry you are having a rough time.

 

[Joan]

Sorry that you are struggling. I know for me that I can think rationally that yes, things happen, my T has a life...but that does not mean that I feel unimportant, that I do not matter, why keep trying, and so on. Not sure if that is some of what you are feeling or not. Do not want to project my own reaction onto you...I hope today is better.

 

[Punky143]

Yes, its similar to what I think. Having DID, some parts know the rational and are able to put ourselves in her position but the ones who don't think like that and I'm Borderline so I have attachment issues. That hour, although difficult, allows some relief because at least someone else knows since I don't have many friends and struggle with trust etc. Not her problem, no. I start to judge and give alternatives and wonder why she can't at least touch base knowing I'm barely hanging on. Instead it was suggested I try contacting another clinician if I really needed. 11 years ago I started treatment for the first time consistently and it was with her. I liked her but took a long time to trust. Once I did, I got placed with someone different who can better treat. I put everything into trusting her and she left me. I can't get that out of my head when passing by. Plus, I don't want to share this with anyone because some parts believe its no ones business, ashamed, embarrassed, weak/less, anxiety. Most days I try to think about what hope is and each passing day I hurt more and more. I wonder why? Why am I still here? I was in an accident6 months ago and flipped my car and landed upside down. I walked away uninjured physically. No seat belt either. A week after my accident a 16 with new licence drove to pick her father up only to hit a tree and die instantly. Urgh. I'm just so tired.