Cannot sleep at all

[Deleted member 44394]

I cannot sleep at all, and this problem is making my whole life worse. I can't think straight, my mood's are going shit, It's just making everything generally worse. I don't feel well. It's not even that I don't sleep, it's that I'm thinking and what I'm thinking of when I'm laying there, it's the most horrible shit. I can't stand it. Emotionally, I'm drained. I haven't been on AD's in forever, but I have decided today to start taking my old ones again. I can't stand it. I am going crazy. I can't handle anything. I feel there's so much wrong, and I'm so unhappy, about so many things it's even impossible to start attempting to tackle them. I just feel so miserable. I'm sick of waking up at 2 or 3 am with the same thoughts of my dad on my mind - how I didn't get loved, just a feeling of emotional emptiness and all these depressing thoughts and feelings. I don't sleep well.

I'm sick of being stuck in my families home. I'm tired of not having or finding a job. I've been on a job search for 7 months and still can't find one, this has been the longest stretch I've ever had. Things are hard right now, I'm not living my life right now. I'm trying to redo many things, I have regrets about the past. I'm not able to process the sheer amount of it all, that I'm trying to process. Tried to go to therapy, to do the one right thing for myself; and even that didn't work out. Of course, the therapist and I got into arguments, the metacommunication didn't work out at all, and we couldn't even get to helping me and my issues. I just walked out.
I can't understand how or why I have to deal with all this. It seems unreal and incredibly frustrating. Just venting, sorry.

 

[Deleted member 44517]

Are the meds helping at all?

 

[Gadgie]

You are not alone, as I'm going through the exact same thing, and it's a horrible thing to go through. I've always stuck to my philosophy of ..................."do one positive thing every day" ............but these days that doesn't seem to be enough for me?

I think it's just a case of the hole I find myself in, is a lot deeper than I thought, I think you are feeling the same, going by what I read in your post, I hope things do get better for you, good luck.