- Thread starter
- #13
Lauren Rose
Learning
Today is a better day. Yesterday I got some acceptance around the difficulty in breathing and took my focus off of it. I think I got exhausted. Shrug. Whatever, today I have a break from that insane anxiety. My breathing is very shallow but I am not gasping to take that catch up breath. When I do have to up the O2 it is a gentle deep breath. I feel numbed out but hopeful. I have made a task list to do for the next few days to ensure I don't lose momentum. I would much rather lay down and pretend to sleep but ... I have set a bunch of things in motion and I simply need to follow through. I have a trust that things are going to work themselves out. This morning in my journal made a list of all the gifts this storm is giving me thus far and it is amazing. I am looking forward to celebrating the victory once I get my feelings back.
-> made an 'in the flesh" friend who unfortunately has my brand of PTSD and fortunately is very grounded in his recovery. It is simply wonderful to finally have someone in my physical world I can reach out and hug and be hugged in return. Just sitting together in a meeting is amazing.
-> reconnected with you. My people. An entire community of humans who on one level or another have experienced or are experiencing the traumas I have and am experiencing and are learning to live life while they continue to ease suffering within themselves and others. For this I have no words.... just a swelling of emotion in my chest and a "knowing" that I will be able to pay it forward.
-> I have reached out and made a new acquaintance and as a result of that conversation with her I not only got a cool grounding exercise to play with, but I got an answer that has been plaguing me for most of my life. Why I lose my breath. And I have a solid direction to turn my energies toward healing that particular suffering. There is no price that can be put on that.
-> I have also been put in touch with a couple who practice buddhism and meditation and yoga and who also have PTSD. Especially the man because he has had similar brainwashing experiences as I have. I have a video "date" with them this coming Thursday. He has indicated that sometimes people need different healings and he is very well connected so if they are suited for me he can put me in touch with someone who may.
-> And then yesterday I went online and sourced out the buddhist temples close to me. There is one that has meditations every Tuesday night so that is what I am doing tomorrow. I am so nervous, an organization which terrifies me for the most part, but I am also aware that I need the help and if it works out for me then.... thank the gods yes. If it doesn't, I will continue to search and source out a quiet space that will help me grow my spiritual contentment.
-> And most importantly, I am surviving the storm. Each and every time I do it strengthens me and takes away the fear that it is going to swallow me whole and I will be lost from existence.
-> made an 'in the flesh" friend who unfortunately has my brand of PTSD and fortunately is very grounded in his recovery. It is simply wonderful to finally have someone in my physical world I can reach out and hug and be hugged in return. Just sitting together in a meeting is amazing.
-> reconnected with you. My people. An entire community of humans who on one level or another have experienced or are experiencing the traumas I have and am experiencing and are learning to live life while they continue to ease suffering within themselves and others. For this I have no words.... just a swelling of emotion in my chest and a "knowing" that I will be able to pay it forward.
-> I have reached out and made a new acquaintance and as a result of that conversation with her I not only got a cool grounding exercise to play with, but I got an answer that has been plaguing me for most of my life. Why I lose my breath. And I have a solid direction to turn my energies toward healing that particular suffering. There is no price that can be put on that.
-> I have also been put in touch with a couple who practice buddhism and meditation and yoga and who also have PTSD. Especially the man because he has had similar brainwashing experiences as I have. I have a video "date" with them this coming Thursday. He has indicated that sometimes people need different healings and he is very well connected so if they are suited for me he can put me in touch with someone who may.
-> And then yesterday I went online and sourced out the buddhist temples close to me. There is one that has meditations every Tuesday night so that is what I am doing tomorrow. I am so nervous, an organization which terrifies me for the most part, but I am also aware that I need the help and if it works out for me then.... thank the gods yes. If it doesn't, I will continue to search and source out a quiet space that will help me grow my spiritual contentment.
-> And most importantly, I am surviving the storm. Each and every time I do it strengthens me and takes away the fear that it is going to swallow me whole and I will be lost from existence.