Can't Cry

[sugnim]

A friend of mine committed suicide a couple of weeks ago. His funeral was this last weekend. I did not cry at the funeral. When I saw others crying, it felt like a matter-of-fact thing to witness, like when you might notice that someone's hair is a mess, but you don't say anything about it. I didn't feel anything witnessing them cry, though I do feel sad at the loss of my friend.

The night after his funeral, I had a dream that I was crying, and that it made me feel better. When I woke up, I actively tried to cry, but I just couldn't.

I'm not sad that my friend killed himself. I understand why he did it, and I respect him for it. I miss him, and I'm sad for the hardships he endured in life, and humbled by the resilience he showed during his life.

Lately, I've had the feeling that I need to cry, or that I'm about to cry, but nothing happens.

 

[Sideways]

The husband of a lady I know died a few months ago, & to my knowledge, she didn't shed a single tear. She just slept. All day, for weeks. That was her grief process.

Despite what the TV would have us believe, there is no textbook way to grieve. The process is as individual as we are. A lot of people cry, sure. But a lot of people don't. It doesn't mean they don't care, or they're not grieving - it's just that the process is different for them.

Maybe one day you will cry, and maybe you won't. Your feelings, and how you express them, are your own. And they are as valid as anyone else's.

I'm sorry for your loss. Understanding why doesn't make it stop hurting.