Can't Stop The Obsessive Worry, Wishing I Could Just Put An End To It

[Brittany Gonord]

The worry and anxiety is relentless. It's almost as if my brain does not know how to shut it off anymore. I worry about all the pain that is in my body and the cause of it. I worry I am going to damage something and ask the "what if" question ALL THE TIME. And when my family, who is extremely supportive, gets a little annoyed, I grow angry. I turn into a time bomb that has no way of being stopped and it wears me out...I get so fed up with myself, wishing I was not such a pain, wishing I was not always worrying. I just want to give up. I want to stop those thoughts!

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

What are you worrying about? Remember to deal with things like anxiety in baby steps, baby steps will make things more manageable and you will learn how to deal with everyday life without blowing up. Remember that healing takes time and to give yourself credit for getting this far.

 

[Friday]

What helps me kill "What If" is the "And Then What?" game.

What if it's cancer??? :eek:
Then I'll have cancer. And then what?
I'll get an oncologist. And then what?
I'll get my cancer treated. And then what?
I'll go into remission or I won't. And then what?
If remission I'll go about my normal life and get periodic checks to make sure I'm still okay.
If I die? Literal dead end. (But if I'm what-iffing about what will happen after I die? I can 'and then what' solutions to my worries there, too, like life insurance, guardianship for my kids, letters, etc.)

If at any point in the 'and then what' game, I spin off into a new direction? And then what the new direction. (What if I can't afford treatment? What if I can't take care of my kids because I'm sick? What if / what if / what if... All get individually met with assuming my fear is a reality, and combating fear with logical courses of action. Okay. I'm afraid of X. So let's assume X. And then what? What do I do? Oh. This. Okay. Plan laid out.)

Whatif

Last night, while I lay thinking here,
Some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
And pranced and partied all night long
And sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pol?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow talle?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems swell, and then
The nighttime Whatifs strike again!
- Shel Silverstein

 

[sedna]

The worry and anxiety is relentless. It's almost as if my brain does not know how to shut it of...

I used to have such severe panic attacks that I thought I'd jump out of my skin. It would go on forever days, months sometimes. When it leveled out to just anxiety instead of panic, that felt like a relief. From what I've been told by my neurologist, what happens to cause that is a brain chemistry misfire that gets on a loop and keeps going. It's has to do with the fight or flight areas sending constant repetitive signals to your nervous system, which then dumps cortisol and adrenaline in your system. This makes you have the physical systems that puts you on edge, once your in that pattern, your thoughts will start circling around what might be wrong so that you can resolve it and put an end to the fear. Its from Neanderthal days for human survival. Like when a cave man suddenly felt uneasy, he didnt just say to himself "oh calm down, it's probably unresolved childhood issues from the cave "....he would he'd pick up his club and start wondering what predator was hiding behind the trees. He didnt get get relief from his adrenaline until he found the source of his potential threat.

We're all hard wired like that. When that is the issue, someone telling you to calm down or go to a yoga class makes you want to kill them. Its your over stimulated nervous system = sending neurons to repeat firing in the part of your brain that controls fear and action = creating racing thoughts trying to find the issue so you can resolve it. Not the other way around.

I used to be able to take enough valium to put a sumo wrestler to sleep, and only feel slightly calmer, and I only weigh 120lbs. If you are taking anything for anxiety and its barely working, I suspect you may have the same problem. Some of its genetic, sometimes an undiagnosed autoimmune disease or diet allergy can cause it, but ptsd from trauma is always a big factor. Maybe you should ask your doctor about it, and also be careful about sugar, caffeine, and alcohol. All of those can make it a thousand times worse, especially in excess.

 

[mamachick]

Fridayjones-I know the what if list all too well and try to manage as well. "What ifs" are evil. Funny thing is, Im not afraid to die. Im afraid of lying in my own soil. Im afraid of being paralized. Im afraid I will not be able to cope with the suffering. Im afraid of being homeless.I know I wouldnt have the money for treatment. I know I would not have the law on my side if attacked. I know that nobody would help me.

For the most part, I live in an evil city with evil people and have evil family members. Therefore, my focus has been on self deprivation and not needing anyone to cope here in the real world. I live in the cave mans world but do not feel capable to foresee the danger coming without being evil myself, and wanting to maintain integrity, I practice not needing anything from anyone except (possibly) a small trusting circle that I could survive without, or die without.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

Are you open to taking medication?

Sometimes medication can help to give the brain a rest from the relentless thoughts so that we can then work on acquiring coping skills. I know all too well that when the anxious thoughts are at peak, learning coping skills is difficult if not impossible.

:hug:

 

[let it rain]

What are you worrying about? Remember to deal with things like anxiety in baby steps, baby steps will mak...

I ruminate all the time about terrible things happening to people I care about or myself. The only relief is when I ruminate about coaching or sports. Or winning the lottery.

 

[sedna]

Fridayjones-I know the what if list all too well and try to manage as well. "What ifs" are evil. Funny t...

I just read your comment here again after reading a new one. For some reason its resonating more with me today. At first the expected " you dont want to be completely pessimistic blah blah blah " came up in my head, then of course I realized I feel the same way, I think a lot of us do. My kids are younger than yours so I sort of have to white knuckle the hope for humanity thing around them.

The problem is really that you're right, the odds would be against you giving someone a chance and not being let down by eventually seeing some self serving or crazy dysfunction problem pop up.

The most meaningful exchanges I have with people are damaged and miserable individuals I work with or volunteer for. Making them laugh, sticking up for them with a-holes treating them with no respect or just chatting with them feels like the most meaningful contact I have with humans, aside from my boys at home. Its not because I feel like a humanitarian -- I have no altruism fantasies and dont feel like a good person when I do this stuff.

Its because its superficial, but not about boring superficial things like when some girlfriend babbles about her hair or her husband...real people stories, but you dont have to care about them and stay in their lives long. Its probably the most meaningful connections Im capable of.

So I guess I feel the same way you do, but hadn't put it that clearly in my head, because I have the illusion of caring for people in controlled and superficial ways. Sort of like a case worker slut :)

 

[mamachick]

@Coco-the funny thing about the above quote you posted is that I was really REALLY NOT always this way. It is getting worse with age. I use to be very much a realist but was even considered motivational by many. I could tease the best part out of any situation and help others see this. I was this way when my kids were growing up so they had that benefit. (I think it is important for kids) I believed the load of crap I spoke, at least to a degree. I could see others reality but still find so much positive to focus on, I was trained, mostly by myself. Very self disciplined and independent and confident and expected some amount of fairness/justice and happiness. Like you, a sort of case worker for others. Now?…………..enough said.