Can't Work, Feeling Trapped

[Rizen]

I've been developing complex PTSD for a long time through many, many events and also have had very extreme insomnia my entire life even before PTSD. I frequent can't sleep and have very chaotic patterns where I'll be awake for more that 24 hours then sleep for 2 hours then wake up again and a lot of weird things like that. No medicine has ever helped me and I've tried everything from laying in the dark for hours to sleep tests to exercise.

This alone and in combination with depression, social anxiety and PTSD has made it so I can't work and am on disability. The disability is a good thing because being homeless is a very scary thought.

The problem is I want to work but am terrified of losing my disability and really don't think I can. Any new income has to be reported. I barely have any money and something always comes up like last September Colorado had huge flooding and any money my mom and I tried to save was gone and we both had to move. Even with FEMA's assistance we were several thousand dollars in debt from that. I'm very fortunate to have enough money to get food and not be homeless from disability but the whole situation is extremely discouraging and depressing.

I don't know how to meet people in a dating situation when I have no job and PTSD. I tried to sign up for a "free" online PTSD dating site but it ended up that the free trial lacked basic functions like receiving messages so I deleted that account. That was another extremely depressing step in a long line of failed attempts to find people in my life.

All my past friends drifted away after high school, I never could attend collage and I can't work. I can't ever be rested for events and have no money. I feel despairing and hopeless and am terrified of ending up completely alone and dying on the street.

 

[Justmehere]

Im so sorry for all you are dealing with.

Of you did want to attempt work but the only thing stopping you is a fear of losing disability, Social security has programs that allow people trial work periods to try it out and see if you are ready. Voc Rehab also has similar programs where they not only let you keep disability, but it can be increased to pay for counseling and etc through what is called a Pass plan.

But I also understand you may not be ready yet. Hang in there!

 

[broken brain]

Have you considered volunteer work? It could satisfy your want to get out in the world again (and could have a big positive impact on you and your community) without the major commitment and loss of disability wage.