Relationship Cease Fire (supporter Rant)

[dulcia]

Thanks for listening @PartTimeWarriorLover. I really appreciate it.

 

[Deleted member 38137]

Worth noting he's never had anything like that sent to me before. I was surprised to know he even kn...

LMFAO...Oh they're resourceful when they want to be!!! :)

 

[grimalkin]

It's a behaviour and not a symptom.

Good point. It can be confusing (especially when I'm so new at the hows and whys...7 year old relationship, and just now learning, oy). There is a difference between willfully telling something that is not true, and telling his own, skewed perspective, at that moment. There is a difference (to use one of his examples) between "My doctors say I have five years to live," which is his skewed perspective of what was actually said, and "I JUST sold my motorcycle," to hide the fact I'll know the truth soon, that the motorcycle he claimed to have is long gone.

And, yeah, the lying is a behavior - even if it's a "Say what you have to, to make this (perceived) danger stop" behavior.

 

[Deleted member 38137]

Thanks for listening @PartTimeWarriorLover. I really appreciate it.

No problem doll. I know some people on this forum think I'm an ass because I'm opinionated but I'm probably one of the nicest people you'll ever meet. I just happen to be going through codependent/addiction group therapy at the moment and have been taught to express my feelings and call people out when needed. We do it in therapy to each other all the time. I'm getting quite good at it. LOL,

Besides, you and I have a lot of things in common. First addicts and now Combat Vets. You and I could compare some stories, I'm sure. LOL.

I'm here if you need me. :)

 

[Friday]

And, yeah, the lying is a behavior - even if it's a "Say what you have to, to make this (perceived) danger stop" behavior.

Exactly. Even if it's an ingrained response & habitual. Whether it's lying under pressure, or not looking up when you hear a helicopter, or going toe to toe with someone when angry, or cutting yourself when distressed. Problematic behaviors can be unlearned, or repurposed. It can be difficult to slow the stimulus+response down, it's not like most problematic behaviors are "Chin in hand, in a thoughtful pose," I think I'll break this persons nose for threatening my friend // I believe that I should lie in order to feel better... It's watching your elbow flash out & blood flow, or hearing the words trip off your tongue. Learning to slow that process down and deliberately do something else, to make a deliberate choice, rather than a snap reaction is full of all kinds of slip ups & frustrations, but choices made can be changed.

 

[dulcia]

Learning to slow that process down and deliberately do something else, to make a deliberate choice, rather than a snap reaction is full of all kinds of slip ups & frustrations, but choices made can be changed.

This was helpful, thank you.