Poll Changing Negative Coping Skills to NEW Positive Actions

[Cindy]

Hello my new friends. I have been responding to discussions in various threads about negative coping skills. I thought maybe a thread for transitioning these negative ones to positive ones may be useful for all to help generate alternatives that we have tried and worked. Let me lay it out for you what I have discussed in prior postings:

Negative Coping I have used

Cutting

Positive Alternatives that I have used

Rub an ice cube over my skin
Snapping a rubber band on my wrist

- Drinking

+ Substitute Fruit Juice and a clonopin
+ Take trazadone and go to bed

- Destroying/Breaking things

+ Clean the refrigerator out
+ Pillow fight with a chair
+ Bouncing a super ball repeatedly

- Smoking

+ taking a walk before I light up
+ Restricting the locations I smoke
+ Cleaning out and washing all the ashtrays in the house


Please post all attempts whether successful or not. It may work for someone!

A success is a try not necessarily stopping the process. Even delaying the negative action is growth in a positive direction. You are conscious of your choice.

Remember the days of just responding to our emotions we couldn't handle because we didn't have them before. Now that some of us are aware and can even identify them - WHAT DO WE DO WITH THEM..... :naughty:

 

[sweetface]

I recently read that PTSD survivors need to talk about their traumas alot. This is me. I continue to talk until exhausted even if no one listens. Its stupid, but if someone retraumatizes me and I love them, I talk and talk and talk to heal it, even if I am ignored. Useless I know, but I keep thinking communication will heal things but it doesn't because I'm the only one talking. And I AM completely sane. I'm like the little girl in Contact with Jodi Foster. CQ CQ...CQ CQ...especially after I've been abandoned. I keep thinking it didn't happen agian. It's a negative coping skill, but I have to talk about it it seems.

 

[void]

Great thread Cindy!!!! I wrap myself in heavy warm blankets tightly to try to feel a little bit safe.

 

[nie]

Eating is a negative coping skill for me. Instead I drink a lot of water. Also sometimes I use sleeping as a negative coping skill (ie. - sleeping all of the time to not face the day). I try to clean house or call friends instead of sleeping.

 

[Dylan]

Coping skills that I still use that do not enhance my health and happiness (okay, some of these are not nice):

• overeating
• over-drinking
• dissociating
• clenching/freezing in anxiety
• numbing/emotional deadness
• using sarcasm or lashing out to express feelings/needs
• distancing in relationships
• merging in relationships
• gossip to relieve anxiety about a relationship and to make someone else a scapegoat in an attempt to avoid taking up that role myself
• over-reading (to detach and escape from myself, not for enjoyment)
• over-watch tv (to detach and escape from myself, not for zone out enjoyment)
• holding grudges to try and protect myself (instead of learning to be assertive)
• Criticizing/blaming (to avoid having to face my fear of expressing hurt feelings)

Coping skills that do enhance my health and happiness and meet my true needs:

• Doing emotional "check ins" throughout the day
• Doing "emotional house cleaning" when I'm 'bundged up'
• Doing cycles (type of CBT) when upset or numb or have garbage coming up
• Calling up the nurturer when in distress
• Sports
• Hiking with my dog
• Laughter (we record all the America's Funniest Home Videos!)
• Watching The Closer, my favorite show
• Watching comedy (Everybody Loves Raymond is a good one)
• Go to a movie
• Go work out with a friend
• Go to lunch with a friend
• Talk with my therapist
• Hug, cuddle, be affectionate
• Sex (if not dissociated and want/need connection)
• Try something new (if not in anxiety distress) - kayaking, a new hike, snow shoeing
• Go fly a kite - literally!
• Swing on the porch swing and enjoy the view
• Do aerobics
• Yoga/stretching
• Say what I'm feeling VERY LOUDLY (must be alone to do this)
• Meditate
• Hit the bed with a bat
• Use the punching bag
• Dance
• Read positive, uplifting stuff (not to try and override pain, but just if I need to balance out hard emotional work with lightness)
• Get a tattoo
• Take a class - starting an art class next week!
• Explore a hobby - looking into photography and going to get back into backpacking, yeah! Also, if we can afford it, possibly getting a horse within the next year or two.

Ummm...that's all I got for now.

Thanks for the topic, Cindy!

-Dylan

 

[SweetpinNH]

My coping skill is to go into my quilt studio and play with fabric. Generally I find myself cutting fabric and making kits for future sewing time.

 

[Mina]

Wow. Good question. Sometimes the negative ones are really hard to resist and find alternatives for. I'm not sure how positive these are, but...

I think my better substitutes are punching/kicking a heavy bag or doing pullups. Something that makes me feel pain but is not truly doing damage to me.

DH and I had a really, really bad fight this week. I slammed a LOT of doors, even if I wasn't walking through them. Just slammed em. He hates that, but it helps and I figure that while it's not the best choice, it's not really damaging. I'm thinking tetherball might be satisfying in a similar way, and may look into getting one for the backyard.

 

[Mina]

I have actually been using a new coping skill. I don't know that I'd call it positive, but it doesn't harm anyone, including me.

There have been days lately (especially at or after work) where I've said or thought, "Uhhhh, I just wanna scream!!!" Of course my initial reaction is, no, that's not appropriate. But then I thought, why not? So before going home, I sat in my truck where no one could hear me, and just screamed a few times. Very high, piercing shrieks. It felt really good, and actually made me smile!

Plus, it's either that, or I go home in a ticked off mood and more than likely start a fight with DH...not good. But for whatever reason, just screaming or shrieking for a few short bursts helps turn off the pissy mood (and makes me giggle, too). I've used it several times now.

 

[midi]

Mina, I scream too, and it's good!

 

[Cindy]

Another good one with noise

Set up a piece of plywood in your backyard - Maybe a meter squared. On the board you can draw a bulls eye or staple/tack on pictures of things you get angry at.

Using your standard rock pile (7-10cm) start pitching at the board. S W A C K

After you have emptied the bucket, collect the rocks and either start over or take a walk around the block.

 

[Mina]

Ooooh, I like that idea, Cindy! I suggested it to DH, and he thinks it might be a good one for him dealing with work stress as well.

 

[jeapea]

I've used several things to my advantage.

I applied for a job as a corrections deputy and was excellent at my job. Hypervigilence worked to my benefit quite well in this area. When I went to my FATS training (which is tactical firearms in stressful situations) my instructors were amazed at how well I could use my observations in any given situation correctly and accurately.

My ability to communicate on just about any level worked well with inmates so much so that in 8 years at the facililty, I only had to use my pepper spray once. And as I look back, I've thought I could have avoided it even then.

Being quick to analyze dangerous situations made me more capable to handle stressful events than a lot of other officers.

I am basically numb to traumatic events, so when faced with one, having been there already, or in something similar, I just acted accordingly to what the next step was toward resolving things quickly and effectively without emotion.

Having my own experiences to relate to, when called to a domestic violence scene, I gravitated toward the kids. I knew what they needed more than most other officers did, and there are nuances of feeling that can be projected to these children during something like that. Of course I would know what they felt like and what it would take to help them feel more secure or comfortable. Rescued. Safe.

To this day, my most treasured and trusted friends are some of the officers I used to work with. My life depended on my ability to trust them to back me up if I was in danger. And many times I was, whether as a corrections officer, as a reserve road officer, or as a ride-along for another department. I think these people have kept me believing in myself even when my family stopped.

I resigned after filing and winning a sexual harrassment suit against that office only to find out that the following sheriff was abusive to all of his employees in worse ways. I didn't feel confident enough to run for that office against him or I would have. Maybe one of these days I will. I loved that job.